Single Dating Mom: The Day Before The Date
Last week I admitted to the Internet that one of the hardest things about being a single mom is dating. I recently told my friend, Jemma, I feel like I am living two lives. There is the working single mommy life and the life with my friend. I haven’t introduced JD to him yet, because I’m still getting to know him myself and I need to make sure we work, before we can all work. So, I drive to him (he lives in a really cool city in NJ) and set JD up with safe, reliable overnight sitters. This probably reads like a cop out, right? I’m choosing not to parent and party instead. Read me out.
Some of the comments from last week’s blog insinuated that I have people to “take” JD and more help than most single moms. Correction: I have family that loves us. Dating or not, they would be up my a*s regardless. I am definitely fortunate that family is down to host sleepovers—it makes dating safer (drinking), easier (no sitter to pay) and fun! As for more help: I went to college and have a career. I have a pretty even level of “help” when it comes to parenting, compared to my mommy friends. I am completely independent and thrilled to be. Counting my blessings daily.
I’m kind of getting to do what JD’s father did after he promised to stick around: Date, spend a morning after with someone—function on somewhat of a normal single woman level. One commenter and fellow babble blogger, Amber Doty, said: “I’m married and it sounds like you get out more than I do. I don’t remember the last time my husband or I spent a night away from the kids that wasn’t on a business trip. I believe it was three months ago. I don’t think I’ve lounged on a Sunday and read the NYT since my son was born 6 years ago. And all the ‘hardest things’ you mention are hard in a two-parent household as well. Potty training, finding childcare, and 2 AM feedings are difficult for all parents, not just single moms.”
I luckily do get out more than her—and it’s because she’s already secured a partner, a husband and admitted to not having any sitters. Even when family can’t help, I have mature ladies in my phone that I rotate. I think dating, single or married comes down to one thing: Do you want to? Does your man wanna take you out? Are you down to get pretty and go dancing? See, I am—even after, yawn, working all week and raising JD solo.
My married friends Amy and Ed often drop their daughter who is JD’s age off at a Saturday parents survival night hosted by a local kiddy gym. Ed picks up takeout and comes home with it. Amy and Ed dine, have wine and watch a movie in somewhat peace (their one-year-old is home with them, but usually sleeping). I love seeing Ed’s Facebook statuses when he’s out with my bestie Amy. They say something like: “Dinner with my hottie.” My other married friends Lauri and Rob crack me up. Check out Lauri’s FB status from this past Friday: “Must be a serious date night – Rob vacuumed the car and washed the windows…” (They have 2 girls). I just think whatever your relationship status, you can squeeze a date in—and your kids will thank you for it.
“One of my fondest memories of my mom was watching her put her lipstick on before my dad took her on a date,” said Amy. “It was because she wanted to go out and was happy!” I too remember laying on my mom’s bed watching her get ready. My grandparents would come over and take us to The Hot Grill.
This doesn’t mean we’re not involved parents, or have more help, just because we date and get out without the kids. Take a look at my day before I went on my date. Prior to having a kid my day-before-the-date consisted of beauty rest, a mani/pedi, buying a new outfit, a disco nap, hair (sometimes a blowout at a salon) pre game cocktail at my apt … then off I went full of energy!
When I got to my date’s on Saturday I collapsed on his couch and demanded wine. We chilled and listened to music, then went to dinner and for drinks with friends. I yawned throughout. LOL. It was a great time and I felt ready to conquer life when I picked up JD the next afternoon.
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Rise 'n Shine
JD woke up at 5:45 AM, sigh. He played with his iPod touch in my bed and watched cartoons. I fake slept and was dragged out of bed to play blocks (and drink massive amounts of coffee) at 7-ish.
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Soccer!
Nothing like soccer on a crisp Fall morning at 9 AM.
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Sneaker Shopping
We hit up Richard's in Wayne. My parents took my brothers and me there when we were kids. JD got Nikes and Converse. (His mother's child.)
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Brunch
Shoe shopping worked up an appetite. Off to Manhattan Bagel we went. Yum!
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JD's First Karate Class
JD loved his Karate birthday party so much that I signed him up for classes! (He got the cutest uniform, too!)
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Toy Store Run
JD got a $40 gift card to Toys 'R Us from a classmate, so I let him go CRAZY!
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Family Time
My dad and his girlfriend, Karen had a sleepover with JD on Saturday so I could go on a ... date. I spent all afternoon with my son and family, eating, playing and relaxing—then I fled at around 5:30 PM to get ready. They ordered Chinese, played and watched cartoons. JD was passed out by 8 PM.
What is your day like before a date? Do you go on dates?
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More from me:
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: The Single Mom Edition
Who Watches Your Kids When You Go Out?
Single Mom Life: I Danced Till 4 AM and My Kid Got up at 6 AM
Christine-Just curious, but why do your dates with guys new enough to be in the beginning stages entail sleepovers? Dinner, drinks, etc., but why does every Saturday have to consist of sleeping at a new date’s house?
Good for you! Excited to learn more about this guy!! Best of luck!
I’ve been a long time reader and agree 100%. Everyone needs time away from their kids and date nights! We have a two-year-old and since he turned one, we’ve been taking date nights that involve our son sleeping over at the grandparents’ houses. The grandparents love getting to spend quality time with him (without us) and I feel like my husband and I still have a relationship. We’re gearing up for a long weekend away in 10 days and I can’t wait!
The date thing can be complicated. I’m married, one kid, another about to get here – D-day is Oct. first. Didn’t get many dates since my boy arrived… sometimes, in special occasions, my in-laws will take my son for a few hours. There are Saturdays in which my parents can watch over my son for a few hours in the afternoon. If we don’t have something urgent to take care of, it’s when we manage to go to the movies, or something like that. I feel like we do have support from our families, but they, both my parents and in-laws, have busy lives also. My parents are not retired (actually, they are working more than ever), and my in-laws have other grandchildren, and also travel a lot to be with their other children (or just for fun, and I guess they should, since they have worked so hard all their lives). Not to mention health issues our families struggled with during this last year.
We try to do fun things as a couple, and I guess we are successful. But we know that this moment we are living are meant to be lived as a family, no way around it. Both my husband and I work a lot, so all we can afford with childcare goes to cover our time in work. We are not old, but I guess we had lots of fun and enjoyed being young. Now we are enjoying being parents, and enjoying “us” time when we can. It doesn’t bother us.
I have a divorced friend that has a child and an ex that is not involved. She works 40+ hours every week, and her parents help her with her child. They never help her if she needs a sitter during the weekend or for a date, though. It’s just what they believe: if she needs help to put food on the table, they are with her all the way. If it’s just because she wants to have fun, then she’s on her own. They believe fun is optional, work is not. I don’t agree, but I see their point.
i noticed those comments on your blog last week. i was also thinking, well, they still have a partner at home even if they don’t go out. unless you are living it, i don’t think some people understand how lonely it gets sometimes. once the kiddos are in bed, its just you. and you still want/need adult time, even if its alone. i tend to eat, drink, watch tv, listen to music and dance, alone. if i ever want to enjoy those things with a partner then i have to get out and date to find one. i also think it is equally as important to continue dating once said partner is found. you gotta keep that spark alive, you gotta have adult time. it only makes us better parents because i think it makes us appreciate the kid time more. all aspects of life require balance, a healthy balance.
I am married and I do think married or single it is important to get out and spend alone time with your significant other. Yes, I complain about the hubs sometimes but I am glad that he is and was here for the 2 am feedings, we discuss feelings about daycare, and until he deploys he will be on hand to help start potty training (then it will be left to me).
I can’t speak for others, but the only reason I could say people may say you’re lucky is that you do have fam and trust worthy friends that love you all and can’t wait to spend time with JD. But, there some unlucky single moms who have no support from family or friends. Or others in my situation who have family that lives 10+ hrs away who would love to spend time with their grandson/nephew, but we only see them a couple times a year. We also move so much that it is hard to establish a close trusting relationship with someone that you feel 100% comfy watching your child. (or maybe I’m a lil too overprotective..ha). Having said that yes I would love a day with my husband to reconnect…we have lost that, but I feel as Jax gets older and I become more comfortable having someone watch him we will get to go out…just not now. We do have date nights while we are visiting relatives. Just wanted to put that out there…we take advantage of it when we can!
Wow . . . I think you’ve just said some pretty imflammatory comments to a fellow blogger (do you really have sitters? does your man really want to take you out?) Not that I haven’t seen them, directed toward me, other posters, or other fellow bloggers.
I’m not a single mom, but I don’t have to be one to know that it must be harder then I can even imagine. JD is blessed that his mother is a healthy emotionally thriving woman, who knows what it takes to remain an awesome woman and Mama. Im thrilled to hear your life is exciting and full, you’re a great example to all moms single or married!
I really hope you got ambers permission to use her words in this blog. I think myself and others will be less apt to leave a comment that is not how you feel or think. Amber had an opinion just like you. Seems a bit disrespectful.
Christine! I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, and I really enjoy it. I really appreciate your honesty and positive attitude. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 24. She had just started dating my bio dad. They split up right away, and my mom was an amazing single mother. She worked HARD, was on her feet all day as a hair dresser, and I don’t remember her complaining once. She was so positive and never let me feel any of her emotional/physical stress (seems like you are the same way). She met the (wonderful) man who became my step-dad (he was Dad to me from almost day one) when I was 7. She dated without me ever realizing it, and I met him once they became engaged. I’m so thankful that my mom gave me a wonderful childhood, dad, and two amazing little brothers. I’m also thankful that I was able to have plenty of weekend sleep overs with my grandparents! I treasure my relationship with my grandparents, and i wouldn’t trade that for anything. I think you are doing SMART, CLASSY things that will benifit your son in the long and short term. (Btw, love that Knights of Colombus tee JD wore for soccer!)
@ Melissa P – I think this issue has been addressed before. He lives far away enough that it’s safest/smartest to sleep over. For all we know he sleeps in another room… All the better for them if he doesn’t
Don’t jump to conclustions.
@ Rayne Permission? Is that even a thing to ask permission to repost a comment on a blog?? Imho the author is totally restpectful in her post.
I don’t like it when comment sections of good blogs get petty :/
I thought Amber’s comment was well thought out and well-written and hit the nail exactly on the head. You do seem to get out A LOT more than the average parent, single or married and to imply that the only way to date is to spend the night with someone is completely crazy. And I can only imagine that you felt like you needed to put Amber’s name there AND imply that she is lying, to point a finger at her and divert the attention, because her criticism clearly struck a nerve with you (as it should). This whole post is just the saddest I know you are but what am I? that I’ve ever read.
Wow. As a fellow Babble blogger, I can’t even process the intent of this post because the comments you made regarding a fellow writer is so disrespectful, it’s distracting and I’m almost embarrassed having read them.
You wrote your last post, own it. Not everyone is going to agree with you all the time. This post did nothing to back up your original point, which was valid and thought provoking, and instead just sounds mean spirited and insecure.
So a fellow Babble blogger (and coworker if you think about it) shares a facet of her life with you and you repurpose it into blog fodder? I don’t think I’d enjoy working with you.
@Melissa P, same guy … not new guys, ew no. What is the other option? Have him sleep here so I can blog about JD waking up to him? Why do single moms have to eat, drink and go home ALONE? We don’t have husbands to go home with – do you have any idea how lonely life can be? And how rare it is to find a normal nice guy in this world? Hard. A very wise woman once said: I don’t need anyone’s permission to have a fulfilling adult life. Sushi and wine isn’t 100% fulfilling. Sorry, tis true. Single moms seek connection too and single moms like me, don’t have weekends or nights off because the other parent doesn’t help. If JD was with his dad for the weekend – would this blog be ok?
@Rayne, I don’t need Amber’s permission to use her quote that is on the Internet. Do you know how many times other sites have lifted my quotes and dissed me or praised me? I’m not dissing Amber. I’m just trying to understand why parents don’t date. Because the cyber world seems to think they don’t, but in RL all my married friends are dating and happy. I’m writing from a single mom dating perspective.
Doesn’t sound like you’re single parenting at all, sound more like it’s taking a village to raise your kid, especially on the weekends. Lots of family, “mature ladies on rotation”, must be nice to have so many people to step in when mama needs to get her drunken grove on with her friend, then have breakfast in bed the morning after.
But it sound like you have tons of ammunition for your justification as to why your stellar parenting choices are acceptable.
And to bring a fellow writer into this mess of a post (which granted, will get you tons of traffic, because it’s an epic parental train wreck) is amazingly unprofessional. Because honestly, who does that?
Chrissy, I don’t agree with everything you say – but you are in the right here and these commenters are totally in the wrong. You’ve been very careful with your approach to dating and are obviously very grateful to your family for their help in getting you back out there. Good luck and have fun!
This is the first time I’ve ever seen this blog. A bit of a background on me. I am diagnosed with autism (aspergers). I am a single mother of two children with a disability (one with low functioning autism and one high functioning). I am also a 3rd year PhD student in the Department of Advanced Cellular and Molecular Biochemistry here at Uky. I also write a blog
http://www.livewithoutreservations.wordpress.com
I HERE YOU GIRL!!!!!! We are expected as single mom’s to not have a life…to be a martyr and if we aren’t then obviously we are a slutty money hungry beyotch!!!! I didn’t introduce my kids to my man for 6 months…it’s been a year and a half…and we are talking about marriage…and my kids have a disability…which i’m sorry it makes it worse to introduce your mentally retarded child to a man….especially when their own father disowned them…..
Now…as far as amber..yes ALL of that stuff is hard when you are married, but you have someone to SHARE it with..we single parents don’t…it’s just us.
I have absolutely no help…I live in a state away from home to get my PhD….but I managed to get into a great supportive relationship……the best choice I ever made.
As women we need to inspire each other….we don’t need to compare and find another woman lacking! We need to be uplifting because there are enough pressures out there keeping us down!!!
Whether you are single, married, gay, straight, stay at home, work, going to college, breastfeeder, bottle feeder it should NOT matter….enjoy each other! Enjoy the differences and celebrate the similarities. Stop telling each other that one is better….we are all different..but we all do one thing right..we love our kids!
It sounds like the father is not there….that means that you don’t even get 4 days a month gone..think of it this way….most mom’s only get 48-52 days a year free (I don’t get that bc my ex isn’t around) but if you don’t get that..what is wrong with you taking some time to yourself and enjoying your body and your life?
Health doesn’t just involve spiritual and mental..but also physical and sexual…
GO GET EM GIRL!!!!
ps..I actually really liked 3 books for single dating moms : The rules written by two women, What men want written by 3 men, and THink like a man by steve harvey
hope the relationship goes well!
I have been a long time reader (since Storked!). I used to enjoy the blog, but too often there is an underlying tone of privelge and self-importance. I really should have stopped reading after you critized mother’s who drive mini-vans, as though most people have the option to choose a vehicle based on what they think is “cool.” A lot of people are happy to have a car–period.
You state, “As for more help: I went to college and have a career,” Congratulations. You were able to afford to go college because no doubt you had help from your parents. You are able to maintain a career because you have family and friends who are able and willing to help you. Again, these are not options that are available to everyone. You might be “completely independent” now, but it’s only because you were lucky enough to have support along the way. It’s one thing to say, “Counting my blessings daily,” and it’s another to actually understand how blessed you are compared to most women, single mothers or not.
Wow, everyone sure is quick to judge around these parts. And to use passive aggressive emoticons while playing the my-life-is-harder-than-yours-race-to-the-bottom game. Seems your kid is happy, healthy, clothed, fed and loved (but what what do I know? I’m just a random jerk on the internet). Family time for him, grownup time for you…which is something partnered parents get on the regular, btw. What’s the problem here?
Emily, are you freakin’ serious!? “drunken grove (groove?) !?! What an ignorant thing to say. Guess what, PEOPLE HAVE SEX and guess what else!? You don’t have to married/single without children to enjoy it. Get off of your high horse……Christine’s child is well cared for with great family, a devoted mother, and a roof over his head with AMAZING clothing options.
Shut up. Seriously.
Emily- Grow up. And if you don’t like what you’re reading…stop reading. You all high & mighty…I bet you don’t have kids, and if you do maybe you should try the “takes a village” approach to your parenting style.
Christine blogs about the interesting parts of her life. would we all just want to read blog, after blog of her and JD watching TV, sitting behind a desk answering emails or other mundane activities. Dating stories and trips down the shore are what keeps us reading. Christine is a single mom…operative word being single…that’s a part of her as much as being a mom.
At least you decided to edit this piece in the last hour to take out the sentence that implied you didn’t believe Amber couldn’t get a baby-sitter.
I am sorry if I insulted anyone. It was not my intension. I was hired to write about being a single mom and dealing with single mom stuff.
Honestly, I was stunned when I got to the comments section of this blog. I read it and thought that I liked that Christine discussed the comment as a means to try to inspire Amber and other married parents to take some time for themselves and take an honest look at why that’s not already happening. In fact, I found Amber’s comments to be uncomfortable and defensive. I’m not a parent at all and I can’t imagine how someone could turn a blog about how hard it is to parent alone, with no partner to go home to (this should be a no-brainer), and take offense to that. Parenting is hard no matter how many people are involved, but just because the girl has family to help her out can’t possibly be equal to having a partner help you do the actual parenting the rest of the week. The comments from last week sounded so petty and insecure. Not getting enough dates/alone time is a pretty common marriage complaint, and that must be really tough to deal with. But at the end of the day, you at least have someone to cuddle and watch TV with. Don’t feel insulted – feel appreciative.
Oh my goodness. Don’t let anyone bash you for your lifestyle. I’m married with a 13 month old and even though my husband works a lot due to his firefighter schedule and i work fulltime from home, I still make time for girls night and our occasional night out alone. This is partly my way of keeping my sanity and still being ‘Chris’ and partly to allow family and grandparents to spend time with the kid. You are so beyond normal and very healthy for taking care of ‘you,’ and JD is a super cute and smart kid.
My oh my, some people are just downright judgmental. I admire women who have the guts to do things that make them happy despite what others might say and judge. And what is wrong with being proud of what you have accomplished? Who cares some other people did not follow the exact same route to a happy life? Opportunities are always there for people who are smart enough to look for them.
It seems that Christine is doing very well by her son and to imply that because she dates on weekends, at night (ie when her son is soon off to bed and won’t notice her absence anyway) she is making bad parenting choices is purely ridiculous. I am a single mother in a relationship for over a year and it has been very difficult to squeeze some adult time into the relationship. We go out together with our kids (my 3 and his 2 from a previous marriage=5!) but as we don’t live together, we don’t have that time that married couples get once the kids are off to bed. So a few times a week, once my kids are in bed, I drive to his and for a couple hours we have wine, watch tv, talk, whatever, but just as two adults– and while its still not enough time, its refreshing, fun, and sexy and keeps us going as a couple. I know so many divorced couples where at least one of the parties admits that they or their partner forgot about the “couple” in the family and solely focused on the children, and that started the downward spiral to divorce. There is no “happy family” if mom and dad aren’t getting alone time to connect and enjoy time just the two of them. And being a single parent doesn’t mean you are no longer entitled to finding a partner with whom to share your life.
Cheers to balancing acts!
I just read some of the comments above andI’ill remember not to do that again (what’s up with the bashing?) Though I have a full time job that allows me to work from home, I couldn’t do so without a day care or in my case a mother-in-law that comes over M-F. Sometimes I feel guilty that I need help and sometimes the idea of ‘it takes a village to raise a kid,’ crosses my mind. I feel guilty that i cant do it alone but my mom relied on daycare since she was a teacher and she wasn’t a bad mom. Whatever works for someone and is safe for all-well then it’s best for them!
I’m a feminist so I believe in the thought that a woman has the right to choose what is best for her. No matter her decision and how opposite it may be from your ideals, if it’s what she chooses then as a feminist I support her decision!!
Most of us tune into Christine because we can relate to parts of her life and yet other parts are foreign to our experience which adds to the interest. Let’s not bash another woman/mom and instead support her in raising a curious and healthy boy.
Sorry, but how does this blog insult Amber? I think the bigger Q is: Why isn’t Amber having date nights with her husband? It seems she has a lot on her plate and might be jealous that other moms are making time to be women too – read the NYT on a Sunday – just do it while your 6 yr old plays with toys. We need to remember that this single mom blogger is just that, single and she is brave to share her stories. She is writing about dating. Dating as a single mom after not dating for years. I’m happy for her. I’m glad she’s connecting and back out there. Her ex got to move on – let her.
It never ceases to amaze me that we, as women, are so quick to cut each other down. Very often (in real life and on the Internet), when one person laments life or expresses a need, the conversation becomes a pissing match of who has it worse. From where I’m sitting that seems terribly counter productive. I doubt that Christine meant to offend married ladies with children but apparently she did…and I doubt that various commenters talking about their married life with children meant to offend her…but they did. Our time could be better served by sharing ideas and encouraging one another! WE ALL HAVE IT HARD. Let’s remember that and not try to win some terribly depressing competition about whose life is harder. I work full time and have a husband. Yet I have no kids. My life probably sounds easy to most of you…but would that change if I filled you in on the gory details of our struggle with infertility? My BFF has a (really wonderful) husband and two really wonderful kids… All appearances indicate that she has it all… And side note… Her husband has terminal cancer. We can never truly understand a day in the life of a sister until we have walked in those shoes. Be they Manolos or Nikes.
I sometimes leave my 6 month old on a Friday night with my mom. I like to go out for dinner without having to be interrupted by a dirty diaper or a teething situation. I just started doing this. Next week I go back to work. I feel guilty but I need to earn a living to support my son especially because my ex refuses and well i don’t want to be on welfare. My mom will be staying home with my son during the day while I’m at work because we agreed we don’t want him in daycare yet. Like Christine my ex and I aren’t together. He has no involvement in our child’s life. She deserves a night or weekend out. everyone give her a break for crying out loud. she took a clip of someones writing and just re-posted it because it fit the topic most relevant to her life right now-dating!. The main idea behind this post was everyone s different dating situations whether married or single Most married couples don’t go on dates because they already have a partner and don’t need to impress anymore. I plan on eventually getting back to a normal lifestyle and balancing taking care of my son. I do not plan on sitting home all alone. besides I have read me exes twitter and he seems to be enjoying himself. Why shouldn’t I? also spotted his sister. We live in the same town. All I got was an eye roll.Awkward
I think the harsh comments come from the vibe being put forth by the blogger. I completely agree with the sentiment that every type of parent deserves to be able to enjoy a night out here and there (whether that be date night, girl’s night out, work event, etc.) Children should see their parents being social and enjoying their evenings out, including the fun excitement of getting ready for said night out. The disturbing part is the judgmental tone with which this piece was written. Judgment about married couples who do not have the time or money to indulge in an evening out (who are you to decide if they have enough money for a bottle of wine and movie… times are tough for some families). Judgement towards people who don’t have a network of family, friends or trustworthy baby-sitters who live near them and are able to help out on a regular basis (how do you know that their family does not have plans of their own on the weekends, work during the week or the limited rotation of baby-sitters they use are also busy on any given night). As much as you defend your right to write about a fellow blogger, I would personally be extremely offended by your remarks and their tone if they were directed towards me. I think there was a way to write about the same topic without the negative undertones.
Christine, as a long-time reader of your blog, and after reading some of the negativity that people seem to be bringing to your blog, I have to commend you on trying to maintain a positive tone to your blogs, while braving it out and divulging the realness of your life. You and JD do seem to lead quite a blessed life, and no one should begrudge you that.Now, from both sides of the coins, parenting is hard, life can be hard, relationships (married/dating) can be hard. But there is wisdom to the proverb, “Two is better than one, because if one should fall, the other may raise him up.” We all deserve people on our team. But who doesn’t want a partner?! Kudos for making the best of YOUR situation!
Great point DJ. I am a long time reader of this blog. It seems like everyone is playing a game of who’s life is harder, who is busier, etc. One of the comments states something to the effect that Christine has “too” much help to really be considered a single parent. That is just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Why is this something that she should be judged on? It’s AMAZING that she has help – everyone should be so lucky. She does have help, yes, but she is still doing it on her own. She is responsible for her son, and she is the one making the decisions, waking up in the middle of the night, and raising this boy. While she is lucky to have help, it doesn’t change her situation. I will agree that sometimes her writing comes off as a bit privileged, but it’s hard to judge tone in a blog – without the body language you get from a conversation it’s impossible to say. I also think that she has a valid point, although I don’t agree with the way it came across. When she stated that sometimes married couples, or non married for that matter, don’t want to put the extra effort into going out – I completely agree. I am not a parent, so I can’t fully grasp her situation, but I get that when your single you want to go more. When you are in a relationship, you can stay at home, cuddle on the couch, and still have adult interaction. For a responsible adult single mother who doesn’t want to introduce her child to her date, she has to go out for this interaction. Her stating that maybe some people don’t want to get dressed up mid week and go on a date isn’t saying their is anything wrong with that – she’s just saying that she does want to do these things. I make a point of babysitting for my brother and sister in law once a month. Sometimes, they will want to go out late, and other times they just want to lounge at home so I’ll take the kids out for the day. I don’t think it matters what you do, but everyone does need adult time to recharge. I’m not even going to touch on the comment judging an adult women for spending the night with a GASP, adult man.
Chrissy, I think you have tons of help raising your child. It’s great that you get to go out and enjoy yourself, relax with your dates or with friends. In fact, I think you have more help than most single mothers. I kind of wish this blog was about a real single mother who faces hardships…in book – it’s not you.
Ay ay ay! People really know how to take things said and twist them around. I honestly did not feel that anything said by Christine, was judgmental, harsh, rude, etc. The girl quoted another blogger. So? Remember, if you put it out there, you risk being judged, quoted, etc. Enough about that. Christine has an AWESOME family who always has her back…ALWAYS. They are her “Village.” She is blessed beyond belief to have such great, supportive parents and brothers…and friends! If you have such trustworthy, loving people in your life who are willing to “take” your child for an overnight…why not?!? It would be one thing if Christine took advantage of these people, and partied her butt off at every chance she had. Idon’t see that happening. I see a HARD WORKING mommy who is ALWAYS there for her child. Being a dedicated mom is exhausting. Being a single-dedicated-mom…that ups the ante. I see everything RIGHT about Christine getting out and enjoying herself. It will keep her mind sane. It allows time to decompress from work, and yes, being a mom. We all LOVE our kids, but, come on….its OK to NEED a break from them. Lol!
For nearly 4 yrs, my daughter had a tracheotomy (decannulated now!!). My husband and I have had, maybe, two date nights in all that time. We have certain family who were trained in her care, but lived too far. Other family members were scared. Thats completely understandable. Those two date nights were absolutely welcome, fun and refreshing. Yes, I worried a few times, and called, but, even if I didnt, I knew my lil girl was being taken care of. Now that my girl is trach free….you bet your butt we will be going on more dates
For married couples, date nights are, in my opinion, essential. They get you back to where you used to be pre-children. You have time to devote completely t each other…without interruption. You can hold hands and kiss, and rekindle that spark <3 Single mamas are just as entitled to feel special/loved by someone other than their kids. So, Christine….keep doing what youre doing. Youre a great mommy. Do not let anyone guilt you for going out. You deserve it! I am happy for you. God bless, love. Xo
@Lauren… so essentially you’re saying that you don’t like Christine’s blog because she is a well educated adult who has worked hard to make a good living? One that affords her and JD the occasional luxury? Would you be more inclined to follow her blog and agree with her posts if she was a mom on welfare? Christine should not have to apologize for her choices, or for the fact that she’s not ‘sleeping in her childhood bedroom staring up at a faded Obama poster.’ The girl made a name for herself- and whether it’s a good or bad name, YOU are stil reading this blog! Means she did something right!
One other thing… Yes, she quoted another blogger in her post… I know “ya’ll” think the world is ending because of it, but why has no on mentioned that Dadcamp essentially wrote an entire blog basically dissing her for her homework choices? Or better yet, the blog he wrote days later, about how his wife got pregnant and he stuck around? Or the one about Snooki’s parenting skills? … The man gets most of his material from Christine! But this is ok? No judgement for him?… Pathetic, ladies!
If at the end of a long week, Christine decides to leave her son with her family and go out for a night with a man she is romantically interested in, so be it. She’s not inviting this man into her home (or bed) while he son sleeps in the next room. She making the choice to keep her two worlds separate for awhile, while she figures out whether this guy is worth it. It’s easy to pass judgement from atop your high horses and all, but why don’t you ladies imagine not having a husband before you run your mouthes next time, k?
It wasn’t that she quoted another blogger’s comment. It was all the disgusting and disrespectful things she insinuated AFTER she quoted her. But you can’t see those. Because this post has been edited after publication. Multiple times. It’s like the Choose Your Own Adventure of Babble posts right now. Always a different ending.
I’m sure being a single parent is hard, really hard, and I don’t agree that you should be having overnight dates with someone you are not serious with or who isn’t even a real boyfriend. It seems like this pattern has consistently burned you in the past. However, I think the real problem that people are having with your blogs is the tone, which keeps getting worse. I’m guessing you are insecure, which may be related to the fact that you deal with an anxiety disorder, but instead of reading like “hey guys, I get worried sometimes about my choices or family, etc, but I’m trying my best.” You write in this really self-congratulatory tone that brags about your spending, lifestyle, and exploits. You always imply that all of your choices are the choices that EVERYONE worth anything should make. So, I’m sure you are a cool person in real life, but I feel like you are trying way too hard to keep saying this over and over again in your blog, so you sound like the complete opposite of cool if that makes sense. Sometimes I wonder if you are just writing this blog with JD’s father in mind and trying so hard to impress him with your stories that you are losing sight of other single mothers who could maybe relate to you better if you were less defensive, genuine, and more down to earth.
I’m loving all of these comments. Thank you all for sharing!! <3 Great discussion here. I have a new blog up abt JD's extra activity adventures: http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/09/25/what-extra-activities-do-your-kids-do/
What does this have to do with JD’s dad? Nothing. He’s moved on with his life, and like so many others have said over the years, isn’t thinking about you. Focus on your life and your lovely little boy. Congrats on the new guy!
@Brittany: Just emailed w/ my editor. One line was removed because it read like I thought Amber was a liar for not being able to find a sitter (my “hard to believe” line). Nothing else. Thanks for chiming in. My publisher once asked me to write a choose your own adventure mom themed book. I had just started a new mag gig and didn’t have the time + the formula is extremely complicated – it’s on the back burner tho.
I think CC is proud on how far she has come since the day JD’s dad left her. That was probably a very scary and traumatic time for her – and she is probably not 100 percent over it. So she celebrates the good life she and JD have. I don’t really see anything wrong with that. I am a married parent and I didnt feel attacked by her post. It reminded me that my husband and I need to make more of an effort to get out of the house without the baby. We are not only parents, we are also a couple. I do believe she has more help with JD than other single moms and married parents. But she also asks for help. I think some of us don’t do that and then feel overwhelmed and alone ( I am guilty as charged)
In the end , this is a BLOG people, CC writes about her life and it is all her opinion. She is also trying to pick interesting topics that sometimes polarise and lead to discussions. That is probably also the purpose of this post. Don’t get so mad!
– but I am not “her in her shoes” so who am I to judge ?
I don’t like all of her posts and I dont agree with her on everything – and I dont want to hear the word “prevail” ever again
Christine – why the apologies all of a sudden. All of your blogs seem to be about your life and yet always in the comments section you end up backing down and apologizing – is Babble making you do this?
As for @Amber Doty – she publicly posted comments on the internet basically saying that she can’t manage being a mom and having a life. She doesn’t see how hard it is to be a single mom and she completely thinks that having a partner doesn’t make child rearing easier. It sounds to me like she has no idea how easy she has it – two incomes, two people sharing in household chores, two people alternating school pick-up not to mention the emotional support
I feel like ever since you came to Babble your fellow bloggers are picking you apart and then you end up apologizing. You were hires to write about being a single mom If your fellow bloggers can’t understand that maybe you should go back to Parenting where you were respected. Here you get bashed every day by those who are jealous of your education or your ability to be a mom and a single woman.
I feel like you get a lot of flack from people because you seem to always come from a defensive perspective and you do tend to come off nasty when you dont like peoples comments. Why cant you just admit that – yes your family helps you? Whats so wrong with that? I’m 30 yrs old divorced my husband while pregnant with my son- i like you have my son full time and his father only has visitation, no custody. My family helps me out SOOO much. And i admit all the time that I probably do have more help than most other parents – i personally feel that because of my situation people are more inclined to help and I am beyond grateful for it. I’ve often acknowledged that. I dont disguise nights that my son spends with my parents as “quality time w/ his grandparents” even though, of course it is- they’re helping me out! I dont think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging it– for some reason you resist doing that. Embrace it, you’re a lucky girl- some in our situation have no help.
I come from a very different point of view. Family or not, village or not, sitters or not, boyfriends, married friends, cousins, dogs, karate teachers… whatever.. Christine is a single mom no matter how you cut it. A single mom, that I commend, for in light of an absent parent (drama aside), she maintains to work multiple jobs, prioritizes, budgets, has found a work/life/family balance, is active 150% in her sons education, health and activities and continues to put JD first. FIRST above dates, above drinking and friends, above getting a snazzy full-time editorial gig in Manhattan (where she wouldn’t get home until 8pm at night). FIRST, where JD’s new Karate class, his “excessive” birthday party, his weekend trips to the shore, his quarantine the first few days of Kindergarten were all placed ahead of everything else. I’m so relieved to know that Christine is an educated woman, I’m envious that she was afforded the opportunity for her parents to fund her college education (for if they didn’t, could you imagine the financial struggle being that much more strained?), I’m proud that she doesn’t sit on her ass and cry “child support” and demand outrageous $$$ from an absent parent. I’m thankful (mostly for JD) that she does have so many people in her life willing to assist in raising JD, what a lucky boy to have such a great community/family that is invested in his future. I’m inspired by Christine’s endless efforts to rise above pride, and accept help… take on another project, and work another job. Christine is an excellent example of how I would hope most single mothers would behave, by not exuding a sense of entitlement and to not abuse the system which has been put in place to protect her. This blog is more than just about single parenting– remember, families come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and we all can relate to her posts in one way or another. I’m not a single mom, but I date a single dad of three. I actually loved how thought-provoking this post was for me to reflect on my own relationship and how even though we do our best to schedule time for “us” while we BOTH raise our three boys, it was a gentle reminder to keep doing so and to not take each other for granted. Thanks Chris.
JM123: I did admit it! I said JD has been sleeping at my dad’s for the past 3 weekends – but because I used that time to sleep out with my friend – I’m in the wrong??? My fam and friends always help, love and support me – isn’t that the way of the world? Carlo, Bri and I thread text every single day (hilar!). Sometimes I think ppl think I live with my family, they help me financially – not true. They help like all fams do – at least this is how I grew up. My grandparents, aunts and uncles were always around. This is just the norm, or my norm. I remember my Uncle and Aunt going on a week vacay to The Bahamas and my (girl) cousin sleeping in my bed with me for a week. It’s all good! Thanks for chiming in.
I think the main thing to consider is that everyone’s situation is different. Many people don’t live near family and are unwilling to leave their child with a sitter. My sister prefers to leave her child with family, and she does 3-4 nights a week because she works overnights and her boyfriend works nights. Because of that, she does not go out any other nights b/c she feels guilty for leaving her daughter with her family so much. We don’t mind at all, because we love her so much but it’s my sister’s own personal reasons. Not right or wrong, just how she feels. But as I said, everyone has a different situation.
PS: I got a promising artist scholarship and grant to attend college. My family (ahem, Nanny) did assist with tuition. I also babysat in college and worked all through high school at a daycare.
Alicia, so true. I am with my sweet JD 7 nights a week. Once in a blue moon I spend a night out or just go out and return home to relieve the sitter.
These comments are so distressing. As women and mothers we should be supportive of one another instead of criticizing each other. It DOES take a village to raise a child. My parents have been married for 43 years and I can still remember my mom getting ready to go out with my dad and a neighbor or grandparent watching us. It set a great example for the married life I wish to have. I am a single parent of a 14 year old and its rough out there. But like Christine I have a wonderful support group. And when I hear married women complain that they don’t ever get out with their husbands without their kids I am not jealous of them at all, in fact it makes me sad. So keep up the good work Christine. And ladies, lets stop tearing each other apart and support good moms!
Thank you Amy. I really couldn’t agree more. There’s so much mean-spirited energy in some of these comments. It absolutely takes a village to raise a child, and there’s never any shame in asking for or accepting help from your family and friends-whether you are single, married, childless, or a parent. We all need support sometimes. I’m also really discouraged by the people trying to shame Chrissy for sleeping over. Really? We’re all grown women, we all have needs. There is nothing shameful about sex. There is no right time or wrong time to begin intimacy in a relationship-I don’t care what Patti Stanger told you. Just because Chrissy’s choices are different from your own doesn’t make them wrong. Diversity is a beautiful thing
Christine, I know you are being paid to stir up the drama here. Girl, none of us are anyone to judge your life. Everyone deserves happiness so good for you for doing your thing and being responsible. However, I am a long time fan, and I aml puzzled by your nastiness when you disagree with someone’s comments.
Hi Chris!
Long time reader from back during your “Stork” days. First of all– congratulations on finding a guy who shows some promise –as a fellow single girl, I know how challenging that can be. Also, kudos for using all your available resources to make time for yourself–you did a little brainstorming and asked loved ones to fill in so you can get some free time to yourself.
Now, what of those that don’t have family nearby or available to watch their children overnight? Admittedly, it’s not so easy, but perhaps they can do a “sleepover swap” with a friend who also has kids. One family can watch the kids one weekend night and then swap another day. Orrr.. they can ask a single friend (not too much…) if they wouldn’t mind taking the child for a day as a favor– I mean, what else are friends for? Plus, it will give the child an opportunity to be exposed to other people.
We live in a world where we’re too isolated–it truly takes a village to raise children, but for some reason we’ve stopped reaching out to our neighbors as we once used to.
One final note– date night doesn’t mean one must find care for the children. Once the kids are asleep, pop open a bottle of wine, get comfy under a blanket and watch a movie… It’s all about making quality time for individuals as a couple.
It takes work but it can be done. My friend with 4 small kids and a one-barely making ends meet paycheck fits date night in once all four are off to sleep. She’s exhausted when they’re down, but that’s when she takes of herself and her husband with some wine, movies, and cuddling. Interestingly, sometimes she doesn’t feel like it– all she wants to do is crash–which is fine (and understandable). However, once she pushed herself to have a date night when she wasn’t really feeling it and she ended up thanking herself for it later (it led to some booty with the hubs!)
I really don’t get why people are getting so upset here! Seriously!
I’m insulted you think I am paid to “stir up” drama. I am under contract to blog about being a single mom. I am also a market editor at a nat’l mag and freelance writer. Pls don’t insult me further.
So hang on. If Christine’s well-adjusted, adorable, clearly well-loved spends the weekend with his grandparent or uncle then he’s just spending time with his tightly-knit family who loves him…..but if Christine uses that time to go out and sleep over with her boyfriend that’s wrong?
I’ve skip read the comments and OMG, REALLY?!
I’m married and when my children were younger, I would send them for a week (or GASP! MORE!) to the Catskills to spend time with my parents so that my husband and I could go out to dinner, hang out, work longer hours, make some repairs to our home.
Did I miss my kids? Yes.
Did I enjoy my time away from them? Hell yes!
But they were with their grandparents, not a labor camp.
We all have our own ways of parenting, but for crying out loud, having a child over at a grandparent’s house is not a big deal. It’s actually great for them.
Sing it Marinka!!!
@Amy, yes totally distressing. I especially “love” Emily’s disdainful comment about a village raising a child. I think it’s GREAT when a village raises a child — and that is what generally happens in big, supportive families like Christine’s. My parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, swapped kids all the time, enabling the adults to do grown-up stuff. I remember weekends sleeping on basement floors with my cousins and going on vacation with extended family without my parents. In my neighborhood, several moms each took one day a week to watch the rest of the moms’ kids for an entire day (and sometimes night — sleepover!). I had at least 10 rotating baby sitters — young women who became my role models. By the way, I think all of that made me more independent and comfortable with spending time in other people’s homes outside my comfort zone. I do think Amber makes a great point though about how hard it is to NOT have any family nearby — and not all families can afford a sitter every weekend.
Christine-I appreciate your response to my earlier comment. The point I was trying to make (which has been touched upon by other reader’s comments) is that you admitted this was a “new guy” you had only been out with for a few Saturday’s…I’m guessing 3 at most since you stated you spent the last 3 weekends on dates. Assuming that’s the case, I find it alarming that ANYONE would think it’s appropriate to have 3 consecutive sleepover dates with a guy they barely know (because you can only know someone so well having only spent 3 nights with them). It comes across as very needy and insecure of you…and as someone who already knows what unprotected sex can lead to, I can only hope you’re using protection? To answer your question: no, you shouldn’t have him sleep over at your place to have him “wake up to JD”. TThe point is you should not try to have an “insta-boyfriend” and have sex with someone you just met every Saturday night…especially when it involves leaving your kid.
@Melissa P. He is best friends with Jack’s friend’s uncle. Please don’t judge me or jump to conclusions. I am very safe and cautious. And I’m actually happy. My entire family knows Jack’s friend’s fam who vetted the guy. Uncle Bri met the guy. I may have slept out 3 weekends – but we’ve been dating longer – I just tend not to blog so much about it … because of what happened here. So no more dating blogs, friends. I’m also a 31 yr old woman – if I didn’t have a child, would a sleepover be OK? I admit I am disagreeing with your stance on women and sleepovers. I am not a teen. This is not college. And my son’s father was also aware of what unprotected sex could lead to – he’s married with 2 kids now and has never met our son. I wish you love, peace and sex.
Why does everyone get so worked up? It’s a blog. Christine, I’m a big fan. I’ve been reading since your debut at Glamour, pre-ordered and devoured Rattled! and have followed you to Babble. You seem happy, successful, supported and a great mom, evidenced by how well JD has grown up. It’s awesome you have support, and it’s awesome you had the means to create a life for yourself and JD. I know you can handle whatever criticism comes your way, if you couldn’t you wouldn’t blog. But just chiming in with a bit of ‘Girls’ inspired love from the always amazing Jessa “I don’t like woman telling other woman what to do, how to do it and when to do it.” You keep raising JD to be a great kid, I’ll keep reading your blogs and further writing to entertain myself. Ladies, remember, this is entertainment. It’s not an attack on you, your spouse, lack of spouse, your single sister and her 2 kids. It’s Christine’s life. That’s all.
No, dont stop writing about your dating! I love hearing about it! I’m 31 years old and a single momma to a 2 year old girl…hearing about your dating gives me hope that I will prevail and find love again. Honestly when you first started blogging about dating I felt a sense of courage that I too would one day date again. I’ve always felt that as a single mom you should solely focus on your child, you actually made me see things differently and see that my happiness is important and by giving myself some happiness, my daughter will be happy too! However, I understand why you would want to stop. People are so quick to judge. As readers we only know a little about your life and what YOU choose to share with us. Thank you for sharing what you do! As for the haters…stop it! As women we should all uplift each other instead of bashing and making assumptions. Melissa – if you were an avid reader of Christine you would have realized a long time ago that she is responsible and second guessing her is absurd. Christine – have all the sex you want!
lol
@Amy – I don’t think that anyone, married or single, wishes people to get jelous when they say it’s hard to squeeze a date night with husband or boyfriend or significant other. People are just expressing their hardships. Also, they are showing that no matter your situation, we all have problems. It is not easier to, say, go on date if you are married. There are advantages in parenting with a husband or wife, but I guess it also depends on who you have as partner. Like many said before me, lets not be quick to judge: there are married woman out there in the world that would gladly change theirstatus to single moms in a second if they could. There are single moms by choice that wouldn’t have it any other way. All kinds of families in this world, and all can be functional or not, it depends on many, many factors.
I am glad Chrissy defends herself. I, for one, wouldn’t want to read a blog where the writer didn’t read the comments or the only comments after my comment is “thanks for sharing”. But the ugliness needs to stop. We are grown women (and some men). Parenting is personal. No one parents the same. Not everyone is in the same economic class as each other. Not everyone has family close by. This blog isn’t about you or me. It is about Chrissy’s life being a solo parent. I certainly am not going to judge someone for what they do in their life. Chrissy isn’t committing any crimes. She is trying to juggle being a mom and living her single life.
Don’t you dare stop writing about your dating situation! You have inspired a lot of people because of your courage to be 100% honest. You gave me the courage to pursue child support and even though it’s a headache right now, I know I will appreciate forcing myself to go through this challenge. I had tried to date people before but I always felt so weird telling anyone because most people think single moms should only date/have fun if there’s an absolute promise that it’ll lead to marriage and that we’ll finally be able to provide a “normal” life for our kids. There is no normal. I am now dating someone that I actually could see myself spending the rest of my and my daughter’s life with. I didn’t think it would happen this quickly or this smoothly but he’s great with her and his family adores her. I am lucky that I don’t have to miss time with her because my boyfriend knows that if he wants a date night then it has to be planned when she is with her dad. However, that also means that I have to deal with her father and explain to him one day that I am dating someone. The grass is not greener on the other side, its greener where you water it. JD deserves a happy mom. Every child deserves a happy mother. It’s not anyone’s place to judge you or condemn you. This is your life and your life inspires a lot of us. You will prevail.
Two questions for those who seem to so enjoy judging:
• If Christine were a single mom via divorce and had an “every other weekend” arrangement with JD’s father, would what she is doing be okay? I bet it would, at least to some, because those would officially be “her” weekends…no need to feel guilty because it’s a legal agreement and she has no choice. In fact, if she DIDN’T go out it would seem strange…like she was home moping and missing her son and not moving ahead with her life. In fact, she’d probably have lots of people trying to help her find someone to date!
• If Christine were a man, would what she is doing be okay? Again, I bet it would. A single father (whose partner had abandoned him and their child) would not be expected to work fulltime, spend every non-working moment with his child and never go out with a woman. I bet overnights would be okay too (even on the second or third date…gasp!), because after all men have needs!
Christine: The biggest irony/hypocrisy of all is that these people probably think it’s really bad that you’re a single mother in the first place–out of wedlock and all that–and that it’s much better for a child to have a father figure in his life. Yet anything you try to do to get yourself there is also considered bad. You should get married…but I guess they think there are no interim steps to getting married. You should just go out for dinner once a week for two hours, then go back home to JD…and the relationship will grow and develop into lasting love? Is that what happened when they met their husbands?
As we see time and time again, women are each other’s worst enemies. Men don’t act this way.
My opinion: JD is 5 years old and you have been alone for 5 years. You have a need and a right to date, and what you do on those dates is no one’s business but yours and your date’s. And P.S. While you are out, remember that your son is with his FAMILY. Cheers.
It’s 2012 @Melissa P. Thank god I don’t have a blog so you don’t have to read about the sleepovers I’ve had in my lifetime. Nothing about Christine screams slut and if you’ve read any of her past blogs you could almost call her too careful about protection. She’s a single young woman, dating in this day and age which is so not easy. If you don’t agree with having a sleepover or sipping cocktails on a date read a different blog this is real raw life. Not everyone can sit at home with an apron on baking cookies.
I haven’t committed any crimes, yet. LOLZ
Don’t worry – no more dating blogs here. Sign up for ChristineCoppa.net IF you want to read how a single mom PREVAILS at dating.
I have to add my 2 cents. I honestly don’t see anything wrong or outrageous with what Christine is doing. Humans need love and connection. Its not like Christine is dumping her child at people’s houses so she can out and PARTAY! She is leaving JD with family, and she is pursuing something that she obviously deems worthy and fulfilling. It sounds like normal life to me. We are grown women living in the 21st century. Christine is a 31 year old mature and responsible woman. From everything I have read, she dovotes her life to her son and he is her number 1 priorty always. If you want to spend the night with the man you’re seeing, then all the power to you. Have sex, be intimate, be a grown up! Life is too short to be hung up on some unwritten protocol about sex and dating. Christine, you are not bringing random men home and around your son every weekend, you are taking one night a week for yourself possibly build something. To have a breather. Its normal. I’m happy for you and I don’t even know you.
Christine, every time you use the word prevail an angel loses it’s wings. Please stop!
Christine, I LOVE your Blog, I don’t understand why you are being judged so horridly, This is a place where you can be honest and open with your readers about what you are going through in YOUR life. People can either love it or hate it, After reading your Blog it inspired me to finally accept a date offer. (This saturday) Your blog may upset others but for me it gave me the push i needed and it shows me that I am not alone. Good Luck ! i wish you many happy date nights! You deserve it
Scarla, omg I hope you have the best date ever!!! Pack tic-tacs <3
oh for the love of GOD Melissa…are you kidding me? sounds like you need some sleep overs yourself. try it. it will lighten you up. i certainly don’t agree with all of cc’s opinions, posts, etc. but really? out of that entire post, you took away that she’s a slut? wow. have you read her previous blogs about not dating AT ALL. would you call you’re best friend a slut for “sleeping over” with a new boyfriend? i’m guessing you wouldn’t, its just easier to cyber bully. have a wonderful day pushing around your hoover vacuum cleaner so your husband will be happy when he gets home. xo
Long LONG time reader (storked days). Tone in the blogs has changed a bit over time, but people change. Also, last time I checked, it was not mandatory to read this blog – no one is forcing anyone to read anything. If someone doesn’t like it or (better yet) finds themselves judging the blogger who is putting herself out there then do the easy thing and just stop reading. The interweb is filled with millions of blogs and there is bound to be something for everyone. I’m not going to just single out my gender here because there are some men on her being judgy, but lets ALL stop negativity in a comments section. I for one will keep reading (most posts are great) because, heck, i’ve gone this long, might as well stick around to see where JD goes to college.
So…does that mean we get to hear about your dates on Christinecoppa.net? Yay…can’t wait. Ya know I check that site everyday to see if anything new is on it.
I have to agree with Scarla…your blogs encourage me…but on the other side. I’m married and by reading this realized that me and my husband need to put aside time for ourselves and can’t wait to start that even if it is down the road.
Oh and a side note…if my mom (who became a single mom just shy of her 22nd birthday) had decided to never take the chance on dating again I would not be here. So I say go for it and do what makes you happy!!
Holy hell! Talk about a room full of haters! Seriously people, how does her dating life affect YOU personally? She just started dating, for pete’s sake! Leave her alone.
Hi Christine – I am also a long time reader, followed you all the way from Storked and I’ve also purchased (and read) your book. I would consider myself a fan of your writing, in the past.
I hardly ever comment, because it’s usually when I disagree with you and I know you will comment back something nasty and defensive – especially lately.
I don’t know you personally – but from what I can tell you are a great Mom, and probably a cool person who in real life I’d be friends with.
But this will be my last time I read your blog. It’s no longer interesting, or thought provoking to read what you have to say. I try to never purposely put out negativity – but, I will say that in your writing you consistently come off as someone who is self-entitled, bitter, and spoiled (and don’t blame it on your family. I, too, am from North Jersey and Italian. I know how your family is, because mine is the same way…don’t get me started on how you use that as an excuse!!)
I get that you’ve had a bit of a struggle for the past 5 years and have “prevailed” – I so respect you for that. However, It’s the way you are putting other women down just because they may have help from a partner. It’s disgusting. Everyone has their own story, their own life struggles. I can no longer support someone who is narrow minded and supportive of only those who you agree with or share similar struggles.
Good luck in everything – I hope you find love and happiness.
So much DRAMA over a boyfriend and some pastries.
it’s not easy being a Mom. If you aren’t an ONLY parent like Christine is…well you can’t possibly understand what she has gone through and is going through. I am an ONLY parent to a 5 yr old boy. I totally understand what it’s like. It sometimes does take a village. How blessed is she to have a supportive group of family and friends to help. Everyone needs and deserves “me” time. Your child knows you love him and you know you’re doing a good job at being a Mom. I have my fingers crossed for you in the love department.
Come on people! Stop being so judgmental. Having a kid is fulfilling but it is naive to think that being a parent is the “end all be all” and adults should never want anything more. Geez! Let this mother show her son how to be happy by being happy herself.
Christine- I live vicariously through you. I want to see you win.
You go girl! I hope you are having another sleep over date this coming weekend! And I’m certain that JD will be well taken care of! Love your blog!
I cannot believe how out of control this got. This entire blog is about a single mom navigating the dating world and encouraging all moms to date and get out for a breather. I’ve read the comments and I don’t see nastiness or entitlement. I just see a young woman, a happy kid, a cool job and a sarcastic, funny, thought-provoking sense of writing. Sheesh! Keep going!!
Personally, I think one of the best things I can do for my kids is to have a life outside of parenthood. After a date night (with the hubs or with girlfriends) I feel so refreshed and I must admit, my kids enjoy their break from me as well.
Christine is trying to find a normal healthy balance for HER family. I don’t care if she is “privileged”, “spoiled” or “self-important”. I’m rooting for her.
I am a long time reader of your blogs going back to Storked! and I have recommended your book to many people. I am happy that you are dating and having fun. You deserve it. I am also a single mom without a “dad” in the picture. I always felt that you were someone other single moms could relate to. You were inspiring to me despite all the designer name dropping and seemingly more affluent lifestyle than I ever had.
As others said, your attitude and writing style have really changed. It truly does seem that you have it much better than so many other single moms. For example, I cannot afford daycare much less new outfits, mani/pedis, or even dinner and a movie. My parents take care of my son all week free of charge so that I can work. I feel too guilty to to ask them to babysit on the weekend too so I can go out.
I don’t understand why you are so defensive. You DO have lots of help. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people are really struggling right now and your attitude is really off-putting.
Christine, I wish you and Jack the very best in your lives. I don’t mean to insult you but you are so defensive, its insulting to us, your long term readers who are coming from different perspectives. I am not judging you, and as I said its in no ones place to judge you. Ever. People change and I think my season of keeping up on your lives is over.
Ok, so I was trying to read some of these comments, but cam’t bring myself to finish. Was I alarmed at the possibility that you had slept with someone on the first date? Yes, but only because I would fear for your safety. It sounds like you had some good character witnesses, though, so I didn’t really dwell. Do I think it’s ok to date? Yes. I was a single mom with four kids for a long time. I went on maybe 3 (?) dates. I met my fiance at work. I wouldn’t let him even know where I lived for a long time. He knew I had kids, but hadn’t met them. I didn’t have a lot of people who would or could watch all the kids for me to date. It didn’t really bother me until my friends started hanging out without me. Even to get Christmas trees, they would avoid inviting me either because they didn’t want to deal with “all the kids” (they have two each) or because they’d assume I’d say no because I usually did. If I had the opportunity, I may have dated more, gone out with friends more, had some more “me” time. But, we all live and parent differently. If this is the right guy, he’ll eventually meet JD. But, there’s only one way to know if he’s the right guy and that requires time.
One only has to look at how happy and wonderful of a child JD is to know Christine is not doing a damn thing wrong. I’m a single mom of a beautiful six year old little boy and for the longest time I thought I was alone…until someone told me about Christine and I became FB friends and started reading her blogs. Frankly, I find her blogs hilarious – especially the mini-van one, understand the craziness involved in trying to get out for a freakin evening – I have to plan it at least a week (if I’m lucky enough) in advance, and let me tell you, not a minute goes by I don’t think of my son even when I’m having fun – whether it’s out with the girls or when I was dating someone. My son’s ‘father” left before my son was born. My son is happy, smart and kind. I’ve paid for preschool and his current education at a catholic school. Yes there are some days I want to scream and say “i just need ONE moment, ONE night to myself’ but who doesn’t? Married or not, it’s damn hard being a mom, and harder being a GOOD one. We all deserve our own date night – even if we have no one to go out on a date ( such as myself). Stop judging and start loving. Respect each other – we are all moms in this and we all live different lives – as long as our kids grow up to be contributing and responsible citizens to this world, that’s all that matters. Happy wife happy life? screw that. Happy CHILD happy life. married OR single.
As the Amy in the article, I feel I need to comment on all of this. My mom and I discussed this piece. I said to her those moments mattered to me because I thought she seemed special. And she said, “I was special. I am special. I had places to go and people who wanted to be with me. I still do.” What a wonderful thing to teach your child. And what better way to teach it than by example.
The lessons I learned from my parents’ dates were multiple. I learned that my parents’ valued their relationship. I learned that my parents were special and places to go and people to see. I learned that my mother’s world extended beyond her children. That while she lived and breathed us, she had a life beyond us.
My husband and I can’t always afford a babysitter and there aren’t always relatives available so here are tips we do to show the children that our relationship with each other matters. We also want them to know that our relationship with our friends matter.
1. Parent children dates – Get together with friends who have kids. Throw the kids in one room and the adults in the other. If you’re nervous, leave a baby monitor in the kids’ room.
2. Kid swaps – If you watch my kids this Saturday, I will watch yours next Saturday.
3. Upstairs downstairs movie nights – Put your kids in front of a kiddie movie in one room. You and your significant other watch a movie you have been dying to see in another. Make popcorn. They won’t miss you. If you’re nervous, leave a baby monitor in the kids’ room.
4. Put the kids to bed early and have a candle light dinner for two…
For all of these do the following: Dress up. Throw on some red lipstick. It worked for my mom. It works for me.
I too, have been a long time reader. Since you very first started blogging when you were pregnant with JD. I actually stopped reading for a while because like a lot of people have pointed out you’ve become very negative in recent years. In fact in the past year you’ve been blogging more about “A” and even mentioned his real name a couple times and to me you sound very bitter and resentful.
I get it, you blog about being a single mom. That’s your shtick. But the nastiness towards his “dad” and constantly bashing him (in practically every blog post) is old and annoying. Maybe your blog days have run its course because you material is stale?
Also, I agree with others in that parenting is hard. Period. Single. Married. Divorced. We should ALL be awarded a gold medal not just single parents. I was raised by a single mother and my father was never in the picture of raising us but I have my own difficulties as a married woman with a toddler an a baby on the way. Being a MOTHER has trials and tribulations and maybe when you realize that you’re not the only one that has rough days your blog material will improve?
Let’s be honest… the judgmental tone was established in the blog. In my opinion, that’s where the hostility began. When you start your piece off slamming other parents, yet clearly get frustrated when people comment in a similar manner about you, maybe this forum isn’t suited to your personality. I teach middle schoolers, and the way you are parading this piece around on your FB page and trying to generate more comments to suit your perspective is similar to their behavior, not that of a grown adult. Do whatever you want. Stay out all weekend. Have your child stay with his grandparents. There was never any judgment on that here. But my level of respect for you certainly went down when you felt the need to bash other parents who don’t have the resources to be able to do the same. You preach being open-minded about all different types of family situations and parenting, but you certainly don’t practice that sentiment. That is the part of this blog that disgusts me.
Another long time reader here commenting for the first time. I’m not going anywhere and am glad you are ‘prevailing’ at life. Five years–heck knows you deserve it. Forget the haters who have nothing better to do with their lives than cut someone down via the internet. You’ve gone through so much to get here–keep on enjoying life (and your beautiful boy) to the fullest. Pastries!
Aria Cole Asher: You don’t like me, my writing and my blog disgusts you – yet you read my blog, comment and cat fish my facebook. I’m freaked out. Just being honest. Do you follow me on twitter too? #scared
You go girl! I LOVE my daughter to death (as all parents do), and I cherish the time when she goes to spend the weekend at her Dad’s! Even if it means just to sleep late. I finally got over (for the most part) the guilty feeling of going out on dates on school nights…and I have a live-in nanny…
Haters gonna hate, don’t let it get to you. You’re an amazing Mom!
Hi Christine! I have been a fan since I stumbled on Rattled at Target a few years ago. Your book and blogs really speak to me as I am a single mom with a great life and a positive outlook too. I became pregnant at age 24 while in a serious relationship and finishing my bachelors in nursing. I had to move home (in w my parents) while I finished my degree and took care of my little daughter. Sadly my daughters dad passed away just before her second birthday. I also lost her paternal grandmother within the same two weeks. It was extremely sad and difficult but I had a sweet wonderful little daughter to take care of and so I PREVAILED!! I finished magnate cum laude and got a great job in the city. I have raised my daughter with love and patience. I had so much going on that I didn’t date for about 4 years. This was during my 20′s. I ended up moving out of my parents’ in the burbs and getting a beautiful apartment in the city about an hour away. I have had tremendous support and I am so appreciative of that. I wonder if my outlook would be less sunny without the me time I get now. Anyway it is so important to have a balance in life no matter your situation. I am so happy for you that you ate finally taking some time for yourself and DATING! Life should be lived joyously and with love! So keep prevailing, keep being that strong inspirational person and parent that you are!
I’ve been so entertained by your writing- I have laughed and cried and lived a lot of the scenarios you write about!
I don’t let negative people bring me down and you shouldn’t either –
Just had to comment..
@Nicole–You took the words out of my mouth. Christine, I’m a long time follower of your blogs, from Glamour to Babble, and I’ve decided to stop following. The tone of your blogs has changed, and I find that you seem more defensive when someone disagrees with the topic you have chosen to blog about. You also seem to feel the overwhelming need to prove something, whether it is to yourself, or as another poster mentioned, possibly JD’s father. I used to enjoy reading your blogs, but now it seems like they either focus on JD’s father, arguing with other bloggers, or trying to prove to the world that you’re doing the right thing, regardless of what it is. I don’t think it’s your blogging about dating that’s rubbing people the wrong way, it’s the superior attitude that is coming across. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find what you’re looking for in life.
Chill people! its just a blog!! how does her lifestyle , whatever it might be, affect yours? no need for all the bitchiness, stop pointing fingers like you are perfect! Don’t like? just don’t read and move on.
I don’t get it. Where are Christine’s “nasty” comments that everyone keeps referencing? I see her defending herself but not in a mean way. Also, maybe my reading comprehension is off but I didn’t take from the post above that she was “slamming other parents”. She basically said that it’s ok to give yourself a break whether you’re a single or married parent. Just read the post again and I still don’t see it.
@Christine You shouldn’t let all of these ignorant comments make you censor yourself or stop writing about certain subjects completely. I love reading your blogs because there real, funny, & relatable… I am also a solo mama w/no involvement from the father. Dating is so hard when there is no dad around because you not only want to make yourself happy, but you have to also know for sure he will make your child happy. So, I think it’s awesome & inspiring that you’re getting out there dating. Who cares if you have sleepovers… That’s a normal part of dating & relationships.
@MelissaP You seem like a dick & your comment about her using birth control because she “is someone who already knows what unprotected sex can lead to” was ignorant & low.
To everyone else who posted judgmental comments why do you read her blogs if you don’t like them… Or more importantly why did you spend a good part of your day tearing someone you don’t even know down?
@ Nicole – I completely agree with you. The tone of the blog has completely changed…it’s no longer fun. It’s hard to “cheer on” someone who looks down on other people. It’s also difficult to cheer on someone who puts themselves on such a pedestal. We get it, Chrissy: you’re the “coolest” single mom out there (even though you have more help than most single mothers). You wear skinny jeans. You don’t drive a minivan. You wear cute heels. You work at a mag. You’re a wanna-be Carrie Bradshaw (still). That’s all fine and dandy. But please, I except more from a 30+ year old blogger who still writes like she’s 15. Obvi! I seriously doubt there is any Pulitzer in your future.
The worst part is that every time I read this blog, I think twice about commenting. I don’t want the author to go berserk and attack me.
I will not be following this blog anymore. Babble – get a real single mom!
Another long time reader here, but I’m not going anywhere! Still love reading about your adventures and don’t understand why all these (clearly unhappy) people are going out of their way to cut down another person–online, of course. Doubt any would say these things to your face. You have nothing to prove to anyone and after the last five plus years, if anyone deserves a break–it is you. Keep on living life to the fullest with your beautiful boy. Prevail! Also, pastries!
Because yes, she does go berserk and attack people who dont slather her with attention here or facebook.
If you are not stirring up drama, why do you call attention to the negative comments on FB?
We get it. You need a lot of.attention – oh, wait – you have an amazing mag job, eat tons of pastries, and prevail at buying Apple products with your connection. And we are all prevailing at being haters, right?
why do you follow her on facebook than?! OMG people if she is so annoying to you than why do you take time out of your day to follow her on facebook, read her blog, and then complain about it! i don’t know you but this makes you seem like a loser with no life who bitches about everything!
Anna, you friended me on FB (delete me/block) and read my blog (twitter, too?) – then you harass me. You don’t have to read. Why are you stalking my life on the boardwalk?
WOW, so many haters! If you don’t like reading what Christine writes then stop reading it! I don’t see where she is doing anything wrong. Christine, I am a longtime reader and I absolutely LOVE your blog! I too am a single mom (of 3 kiddos). Their father and I split up when I was pregnant with my youngest and he really has nothing to do with them. You have an awesome family & you and JD are so lucky! My family tries to help as much as they can and my mom keeps my kids on weekends whenever she gets the chance! I think that it is great that you are dating! You deserve to be able to go out and enjoy yourself! Forget about all the haters who think there is something wrong with it! My mom has kept my kids so I can have some time for myself and also for me to be able to date (oh, the horror)! Keep doing what you’re doing and please don’t stop blogging about your dating life! You will prevail, you always do!
Just because someone reads your blog and then follows you on Facebook (which you put out there publicly), does not mean they are stalking you! I think it’s time to close the comments down.
No Catfish here… simply deleted you because I couldn’t stand the constant posts simply advertising yourself repeatedly. Nope. Never followed you on Twitter. Don’t care enough. And I certainly will stop reading on this forum. I suppose your mission is accomplished if your goal was to turn long time readers (Glamour era), to people who have a hard time reading your posts anymore. It was not that I didn’t agree with your statements, if I was in your shoes I would likely be very similar. It’s the condescending attitude and attacks on posters on your blog that make it disgusting. No need for a response. I will not be returning to Babble to read.
Again, AGAIN, Chrissy’s “white knight brigade” has totally missed the point! NO-ONE WAS CRITICIZING HER FOR HAVING NIGHTS OUT WITH A NEW MAN! SHE WAS CRITICIZED FOR HER ATTACK ON A FELLOW BLOGGER! She questionned whether Amber could even get sitters (which she later conveniently deleted), or whether her husband even wanted to take her out! Appropriate? Mature? Uh, NO.
This blogger’s comments are totally inappropriate and unprofessional. I hope her editors care enough about the readers to maybe talk to her.
Yikes, calm down people! Sorry that Christine does not live up to your ridiculous standard of what a single mom should be. It’s not easy putting your life out there (as the vitriol of some of these comments makes clear) as Christine does. I do not understand why Amber Doty was so riled up by her initial post in the first place. Must be fun to spend your free time judging others for their choices that have no bearing on you or your life. Keep writing Christine–you help make a difference to a lot of us, single moms or not.
Everyone relax. People are allowed to have different opinions on the blog, and yes, Chrissy can make whatever choices she wants even though I don’t always find them to be wise choices. I do find the tone of the blog to be pretty annoying lately, but I feel sorry for Chrissy. Happy people don’t have anything to prove, and I just wish Chrissy could be more open to feedback and less defensive in her posts and comments. That is all. Other than a few, I don’t think most people are trying to attack her but are trying to give her some honest feedback. That is how we grow if we have the courage to really be open.
Hi there! I’ve read the comments above and can see how it could be taken out of context. Maybe it’s just me, but when I read the blog and the statement of ” I think dating, single or married comes down to one thing: Do you want to? Does your man wanna take you out? Are you down to get pretty and go dancing? See, I am…” was a rhetorical question….asking both SINGLE and MARRIED women IF they WANT to date it’s because they CHOOSE to do so. I honestly never took it as a slam on anyone, rather asking a question – how bad do you really want to date or get out? I’m a single mom – similar to Christine’s situation – the dad left when I was pregnant and has nothing to do with my son. I find her blogs funny – even the one about the mini-vans. She’s a single mom living on the outskirts of NYC (I think) and is simply portraying the career girl/single mom persona (which is who she is) on a blog. My son and I live in the suburbs of DC, and though my life is nowhere near as exciting (I wish!! but I’m not going to hate…come on!) I enjoy reading about the same trials and tribulations she goes through just as I myself do. We are all women here. I believe most all of us are moms. Whether you are a single mom or a married mom, being a mom is hard, and it’s damn hard being a GOOD one. All you have to do is look at a happy child and see that they are being raised well – single parent or not. J.D. is living proof Christine is doing a great job balancing the constant chaos in life. IMO, her blogs are meant to give inspiration and hope to all single moms dealing with the same issues she is – and how she deals with them. For the LONGEST time I felt like I was the only one out there experiencing the heartbreak, sadness, yes – anger too. How can you not be angry about someone who left you pregnant then later gets married to have their “own” family that he chooses to acknowledge? Again, my situation was very similar, and honestly the anger and bitterness comes from how much we LOVE our child and feel they are being slighted by having a father who chooses to act as if they never existed. What kind of person does that? No one will ever know or begin to comprehend the mental mind-f*$k that occurs when dealing with such a situation. However, we love our children and choose to do the best in life we can to give them the best in life – to give our children everything we can (within reason – not spoiling) because they deserve it. We are proud moms. Yes – do you want to hate us for that? That’s your problem. But what’s not to be proud of? We work hard, we raise our children, we try to balance bills, home, school, raising a child, housework, career, extra curricular activities….and WHEN we have time to go out we try and make it. God, what I wouldn’t give just to be able to take a bath without my son knocking on the door or accidentally letting the dogs in my room. lol. The simple things – those five minutes of solitude are hard to come by. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It only makes me appreciate the time I do have to get out that much more. It’s comforting to see someone going through the same things to know we aren’t alone. I have respect for every kind of mom – house mom, working mom, single mom, married mom. Some of my friends and sister are stay at home moms. I don’t judge them. That’s great they can do that or have the opportunity to do so! Stay at home mom is a tough job. Just as it is with a working mom. Sometimes when I’m at my home four days straight with my son I feel like going insane and often wonder how stay at home mom’s do it. I’m not sure I would be a good stay at home mom. but don’t judge me on that. I didn’t have that opportunity. Many of us don’t. We are in our own little “mommy” club that should be encouraging towards one another, not berating someone for how they choose to spend the few moments of freedom they get. Married moms – would you like to be single with your kid and going back into the dating world? . and the dad’s completely out of the picture. How would you balance the two? Seriously, take a minute to think about it. How would you learn how to get to know someone and progress into something more meaningful? and be a working mom at the same time. Hard to fathom right? (at least that’s what my friends tell me.) Well, that’s what we have to do if we want to try and find any sort of relationship or companionship we want in our lives. I really try not to judge and live by the principle of “if you’re happy and no one gets hurt in the process, then I’m happy for you.” I’m not living their life, I’m living mine.
Melissa, you all choose these men. No one made you all have children with such a man. Your life. Your choice. To answer your question, no I would not want to be a solo mom in the dating world. But I made different choices when dating my husband.
And Melissa. Not every solo mom out there is a great mom. Some of them are terribly selfish women.
Despite my own thoughts re: Christine choosing to pursue an “insta boyfriend” with someone she doesn’t know all that well, I don’t understand why everyone is attacking her for coming across “on a pedestal”? She lives in an apartment in the middle of NJ, works for a magazine that’s sold as a glorified supermarket shopper (Vogue, it is not…), and the only “name dropping” she mentions is a Marc Jacobs bag, which, at most, costs about $900 (I personally work in luxury fashion in NYC…trust me…). She’s definitely a Carrie Bradshaw wanna be, but there’s nothing to be envious of about her life.
Yup – no further discussion necessary. “Just because someone reads your blog and then follows you on Facebook (which you put out there publicly), does not mean they are stalking you! I think it’s time to close the comments down.”
Also, see example, blogger going beserk on a commenter. “Anna, you friended me on FB (delete me/block) and read my blog (twitter, too?) – then you harass me. You don’t have to read. Why are you stalking my life on the boardwalk?”
Christine, you make your life a fishbowl. If I’ve been following you since your Glamour days, because, guess what, I could relate to you back then, of course I’m going to follow you on Facebook. Now, you are just annoying and a bully. #prevail
Holy Moly! @Anna, you are the bully dissing Chrissy for working at a magazine that actually sells and isn’t folding. You are name-calling too. She has a right to comment back to you! You make fun of her FB posts and her blog. Why are you still here? Chrissy is merely attempting to defend herself against all of the bullying. @MelissaM: Sing it sister. I’m done with this thread. Going to read about JD’s karate class. I hope you all get out for a date. You need it.
Courtney – not sure what I said to get you so upset and judge me, however, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I never said all moms or solo moms are good moms. As for choosing these “men,” trust me when I tell you that some are very good at playing the part. They pretend to be “Christian” or single, the list goes on. I have read of men out there who go to church every Sunday, are professional, successful and leading double lives. Married men who cheat on their wives. Married men who portray themselves as single men. What about the woman who marries a man who has cheated on her from day one and gets a woman pregnant, then does the same thing to another woman a few years later? These women had no idea he was married. How were they to know he was such a liar? To them, he was a single, successful, educated, professional, “christian” man who was dating them. Do you then also condemn the wife who married him? Do you also condemn her for getting pregnant and having his child in such a situation? Do you condemn her for being stupid enough to marry this man in the first place? or continue to stay married to such a “man”? What kind of a role model is she providing for her child? Not a strong female role model for a mother, and a lying and disrespectful male role model for father. You arecorrect – we chose these men – who portrayed themselves to be someone we could see ourselves with for the rest of our lives – but turns out they weren’t. Now they are someone else’s long-term problem, and what a father figure they are for their child! Every situation is different so don’t condemn us for not making the choices you made while dating your husband. I don’t regret choosing the man I dated for four years, although off and on. But shame on me, I loved the man I thought he was. Without him my son wouldn’t be here. Having my son was the greatest gift in my life. I don’t regret a thing. AND I would do it all over again if I had to just to know I would have him. I’m able to send him to catholic school for a good education and solid foundation in our faith, I’m able to send him to jujitsu and muay thai classes during the week. I’m able to do things with him that give us a stronger relationship, and I’m able to raise him into a loyal, honest, and respectable young man, unlike the “man I chose.” Together we are blessed and yes, I’m fortunate to be able to do all I can for him. I work hard to give us a great life. I have no idea what your (or anyone else’s) issue is with someone trying to balance (social) life while raising a child alone. That’s like me telling a stay at home mom who is trying to balance kids, a house, and maintain a relationship with her husband, “well you CHOSE to do that.” Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she had to because childcare costs are so expensive it is more cost-efficient to stay at home. Maybe she never went to college to get a good paying job, maybe her husband told her that’s the way it’s going to be,or maybe, maybe, maybe…… Again, as I previously stated above, it’s hard being a mom and damn hard being a good one. Kudos to all the moms out there – single and married – that are good moms. To be honest, some of these comments sound like they are pitting married moms against single moms and that’s just not right. Are some envious that there are women who can do the career and be successful at it and maintaining a good home while raising a child solo? Sure. Maybe. Why not? Just as there are solo moms who are envious of the married ones who have companionship, a friend, a partner, and a helper all while raising kids. I’ll be the first to admit I sometimes get envious, but one thing we all have in common is being a mother. We all live different lives and there are pros and cons to each situation. I’m a firm believer in God and that He doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Your comment was rather ignorant and close-minded. I hope the next time you feel the need to judge someone, you take a minute to think before doing so.
I was too curious to not come over here and see what the deal is with these comments…. ahyayaya. I’m not going to judge the single mom vs married mom (I’m a single). I’m not going to judge the calling another blogger out on your own blog (okay I will – that upset me, I write for a collaborative blog and we just wouldn’t do it). I will judge everyone for all the bashing. Of each other. Of other moms. Of other women. Why? My initial comment after reading some of these comments and the only one that I will agree with is, as a blogger, you have to expect some negative comments. I get them. I chalk them up and move on. Not everyone will like you all the time. Bite your tongue, know who you are and leave it alone. This will avoid the 125 comments that just stir the pots of everyone. Can we have a group hug now and move on?
Melissa, what you described, re being tricked by men, is called learned helplessness. You aren’t a victim of pregnancy, and neither is he. You thought you’d found the one, he disagreed. Great that you take responsibility for your child, you aren’t a hero for doing so, you are doing what you are legally and morally supposed to do. The constant self congratulatory and victim tone amongst some moms, solo and married, is annoying. I singled your comment out as the grossest example of victimhood.
Way harsh (not to mention untrue), Courtney! Melissa M.–kudos to you and all you have accomplished. You sound like a great mom and person.
Holy Cow! I have read Christine’s blog on and off since Storked! and I have never commented on any blog before, not even once…but something made me comment on this one. Some people are so fast to criticize that it AMAZES me!!!! You have never walked a day in her shoes….so stop!!!! What has happened to common courtesy and being nice! Just think of the example you are setting for your kids. I am a married mother of two and personally have no idea what it would be like to be a single mom. I think she is doing a fabulous job raising her son! By the way, I have left my kids with my parents and in-laws every year for a week since they were born to go to Mexico with my husband and I love every second of it
Of course i miss them and I love their huge hugs when I get home too….
Christine-
I have been following your blogs since Glamour days and I was very disappointed to see that you essentially accused Amberdoty of lying. Subsequently, I lost a lot of respect for you as a writer. For the time being, I will continue to read your blogs but I’m rapidly losing interest like other readers mentioned.
I am also confused as to why you encourage your readers to friend you on Facebook and follow you on Twitter, yet then feel you are being stalked.
Why must you use the word prevail so often?
I hope you don’t perceive this message as bullying, as that was not my intent. As a longtime reader, I wanted to provide honest feedback to a writer that I’ve held in high esteem.
Best wishes,
MDW
I have read every one of your blogs. You use the word prevail a lot, so I don’t like you anymore. And I don’t care about the details of your “excess” life. I am going to prove this by writing a long, long post in which I reference all the details of your life that I somehow know despite not caring about them. Did I mention I don’t like your blog? That’s why I’m participating in the comments, you see — to drive more traffic to your blog that I hate. You have lost me as a reader. I will not read your blog EVER again. But I will troll the comments and wait for someone to respond to me. And then I will write another long post in response to them. And I will use that post as an opportunity to insult you and your life choices again! Because I have a high-powered, important career that gives me hours every day to comment on your blog. I’m kind of a big deal, in fact. Bet you feel really sad now that you’ve LOST ME AS A READER. Until someone responds to my comment, at least. Best wishes!
Oh and in case it’s not obvious, my above post is sarcastic.
I’ve hosted more than 20 networking events with Choice Moms (single women who proactively decided to build a family, usually after the age of 35 without a partner). I have talked with more than 1,000 single women at the events, and know more through the ChoiceMoms.org discussion boards.
So, yes, I can attest that about half of single moms are too exhausted to even conceive of dating (most with kids under 6) and the rest anticipate that when they are less exhausted, and their kids are interested in sleepovers with relatives and friends, their social life will open up again. I’m not sure why some people think that’s a bad thing for the kids? Do our kids want us to helicopter around them 24/7 until they are 18? Do they prefer us to be alone? Every dating situation, every family, every woman is different.
The main advice we have at the networking events is: you do a disservice to your kids if your only social identity is as Mom. My kids are 13 and 8; as they grow into friendships outside of family life, the idea is that Mom is ALSO supposed to have a social life… to feel female… or our kids are going to feel burdened (or selfish) continuing to be the center of the universe.
LMAO @ Sofar. That was great!
Been following since glamour.com and hope to always be able to see you and your fam blossom. So happy love is blossoming! God Bless you and that sweet little boy!
@ Sofar ~ SERIOUSLY? That was was SARCASM? Oh, my, you are SO clever and witty
! ! !
I could care less what Christine does in her personal dating life when her son is safe and secure in the hands of a trusted family member or friend. She works hard and is obviously devoted her son who is happy and healthy.
That being said, several commenters (Lauren, Nicole) have taken the words right out of my mouth…the overall tone of the blog and your writing has changed.
You don’t know one bit about Amber’s life or her circumstances. You have no right to judge her. And when someone offers their opinion and its something you disagree with, another side of you appears….and its not very pretty.
Another long time reader….and this was my last blog.
Wish you well as you continue to date and raise JD…but the nastiness really needs to stop.
@ Melissa: I believe Christine said in a previous blog that they were talking for a while previous to this….And even if she wasn’t who cares, she is an adult and can make her own decisions…Would it have been a better idea for her to run home at 5 am intoxicated, and rushing home and get in an accident or pulled over???…..
I think people are taking this blog wrong, Christine was not disrespecting Ambers comment on her blog, she was just making a statement and discussing it….And she really seemed like she wanted Amber to spend a date with her husband, even if its in their living room…I think there should always be time to spend with your husband or significant other…If you did prior to having kids you should make the time….Your relationship with your significant other is important and you must let it grow, kids or no kids…And your relationship with your husband is the basis of what makes your families logistics….My boyfriend and I barely see each other, our schedules are legit terrible…But we make sure that one night a week we go out to dinner, go to the mall together, go on hikes, work out together, watch tv together, or do something that allows us to interact and remind us of what made us us…This does not always have to involve money….I think this helps your confidence, makes you feel special and reminds you the importance of love and life…I don’t want to sound like a terrible person, but I think those who don’t relax with their husband or boyfriend and have that “date” even if its on your couch, are making up excuses…There should always be time to spend with your husband, boyfriend, dating or for yourself….You do not particularly NEED a babysitter to have a date, you can have a date when your kids are sleeping, it can be worked around……
I am not a single mom, nor do I have a child…But I do know that after having a situation where a guy literally tears your heart up, it takes a lot to get up and go back into the dating world….This is aside from the fact of being a parent, and a single mother…I as well as anyone else can say that being hurt by someone takes a while to get over, add a child in the mix (of your ex), and you are reminded constantly of that guy who hurt you and your son, and I can only imagine the pain…Therefore if Christine wants to go out and date, get wasted, sleep in, GOOD…Thats awesome, and honestly a big step..Think about this, JD’s dad has no involvement, and if he had JD on weekends would people be mad that she was sitting at home doing nothing? NO they would tell her to go out and enjoy herself….And if she did people would think nothing of it……Christine is keeping it on the down low and JD is not waking his hungover mom up with some guy in her bed and seeing this, he is sleeping when its going on, spending it with his closest family and friends that take amazing care of JD..ANd I am sure when JD left Christine a few months pregnant, he was sitting home every weekend studying……Think about this too, JD is 5 years old, which means that there are about 50 friday and saturday nights a year that Christine could have gone out the first few years of JD being born, but she did not..Thats 250 weekend nights that she choose not to go out….So I doubt those 3 weekends she went out will matter to JD,which really are nothing….. however they matter to Christine because she needs that…Some of my all time favorite memories are when I can go out, relax, have a glass of wine at a bar, dress up all cute, put on a cute pair of pumps, hang out with my girl friends, and flirt with a guy at a bar…..
.We all need a few hours to our selves to relax and be at ease without worrying about work, getting up early, doing laundry, or driving around from place to place….We need that time to step away from life….We all deserve it, and we should all do it….It keeps you sane….
I think its awesome that JD is spending time with his grandparents, uncles, and people close to him…Its amazing for him to have such a great support system…And lets be real its not a chore for any of Christines family or friends to help out, they love it, just look at their faces in the pics she posts….
Going out and spending time with a guy/girl who makes you feel special is nothing bad at all..It makes you feel like you still got it…And you dont need to go out and spend money to spend time with someone…Wait until the kids go to bed, rent a movie order out or cook together and just chat… What people who have a significant other who are disagreeing with Christine dont understand is that they already have their significant other so they dont need to go out and find him, they have them with them every day..They have that support system, the person who can pick up their son if they cant..The person who can bring their kid to practice, pick them up from school, bring them school shopping, help them with their hw, make dinner, financially help out, and of course emotionally…Christine does not have that right now, and I think she has every right to want to have that too……….If christine sits at home every weekend and does not interact with a guy, how is she going to date one or meet one?…Having a fun girls night out, or a date is not going to hurt JD…
Also, I dont get where people are saying that there is a tone to Christines blog?? ITs a blog, its like a text you can take it so many different ways…I honestly see nothing bad about it…If you have nothing nice to say dont say something at all….
I’ve been an avid reader of the blog for the past few years, and have read Rattled as well. I feel like I’m reading a different post here than some of the other negative posters. I don’t think Christine is coming off as judgmental at all.
In the previous post, Amber Doty was very judgmental of Christine, saying that single moms do not have it harder than married moms. Everyone has their own story, but as a fellow single mom, I beg to disagree. I do think it’s more difficult for single moms than married moms in most situations (but there are always exceptions) as you have no day to day support, physically, financially, or emotionally. It all rests on your shoulders. Amber also snapped at me for a comment that I made directed at her, when I respectfully stated that I just don’t think she understands the life of a single mom, never having been one herself.
Christine is also fortunate to have, what I think, is more help than the average single mom, with her great, involved family. This is a good thing! The thing that married moms just don’t get is that, you’ve already found your partner. Christine has a dream of a partner and a marriage and more children for her and her son’s life. She is not just going out to live it up and have fun – which she also has the right to do. She is going out in search of the dream she has for her life and her son’s life. She has every right to do so! Married moms have already completed that piece of their dream.