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The 10 Worst Parenting Jabs Moms Say To Dads

By Lori Garcia |

One could argue that I’m the queen of the jabs.

I attempt to work from home with the kids while my husband works his 9-5. Most days are OK, but every so often there are those really tough parenting days that fry my brain and zap my every last will to live.

I have this adorable habit of allowing my frustration simmer on low until it comes to a rolling boil. I then release tension by tossing out a good parenting jab at my poor, unsuspecting husband. I know it’s not mature. I know it’s not fair. I also know it’s not good for our marriage and yet, I do it anyway. Thirteen years of marriage and I’m still jabbing.

I know I’m not the only jabber out there; we all do it at some point. Whether under our breath or right out in the open, we moms say these things almost begging for a fight.

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Mean Things Moms Sometimes Say To Dads When Frustrated

You just don't get it!

Poor Dads. They really get the poo slung at 'em sometimes (and not just by the kids). Dads know how hard we work even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

You know as well as I that your kids have a damn great dad. You also know how hard you’re both working to raise happy, confident children. Since the blessings far outweigh the crap, let’s say we focus on the good in each other and burn off the frustration in more productive ways. Easier said than done? You betcha my friends.

Have you ever caught yourself uttering these phrases?

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About Lori Garcia

mommyfriend

Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

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105 thoughts on “The 10 Worst Parenting Jabs Moms Say To Dads

  1. Rachel @ The Lazy Christian says:

    Hmm. I don’t think I’ve really said any of those. Maybe “You’re doing it wrong?” My husband’s biggest pet peeve is when I pick on him for the clothes he puts on our son. And HE’S the biggest backseat driver when it comes to parenting. I remember changing my son’s diaper for the 20th time in a day, and suddenly my husband is over my shoulder saying, “Cover him up!” OK, bud—I’ve never gotten peed on. You get peed on twice a day. I think I can handle this.

  2. Cindy says:

    Love your comment about peeing…I feel like that going to pee should be “my time”, but my little one is always wanting to come in AND the husband thinks he can come in and start a conversation. REALLY I was just in the kitchen with you for 5 minutes and now you want to follow me and tell me a story! I do love them both so very much….but let me pee in peace!

  3. jc Lamb says:

    How about, “I don’t tell you how to do your job, do not tell me how to do mine.” That’s the one I jab. Or its more specific version: “When you have a question about SQL server or Javascript, do you come to me? Not unless you want a really stupid answer. You ask the experts. When I have a question about homeschooling curriculum, sorry honey, I ask the experts. Other moms. If you would like to become well-informed about homeschooling, that’s awesome, and I can tell you how. But let me tell you, it’s a full-time job and then some. No, I’m not going to ask you for your advice, because you don’t know the first thing about it. And there is no difference, here. You do your job, and let me do mine. Thank you. Here’s a hot dinner made with love and skill. Now shut up.”

  4. Wilbur says:

    If I had a dollar for every time I heard those jabs the kids college education would be paid for.

  5. joy donkin says:

    Three words to save your marriage, it begins with YOU. women, we have ALL the power, ok ready for those three words? No they are NOT I love you, men don’t notice if you don’t say those. Just google “Love And Respect” and read the blogs on how to talk to your husband. By the time your done you will be soooo mad no one told us about this sooner, but its never too late to put it into action. Make a CHANGE…for yourself and your precious, helpless children that are looking to you as an example. :) *~Blessings~*

  6. Hank Mathewes says:

    I really wish I could have handed this (or emailed the link) to my ex about 12 yrs ago.

  7. jackie says:

    i dont see what’s wrong with a few of the comments. “why do i always have to ask for your help” watching your own kids isn’t babysitting”? maybe you can point out the wrong-ness. “im not your mother”

  8. Sam says:

    Okay… I gotta ask… if you’re picking up his laundry that is all over from the living room to the bathroom to the bedroom, making his lunches, making and serving his dinner, picking up his trash, keeping track of all of his stuff… etc. THEN am I allowed to point out that I am not his mother?

  9. deborah says:

    I only say 2 out of 10. I hope that better than nothing.

  10. Alicia says:

    I can honestly say that I’ve never said any of those to my husband, but he is awesome. I also work from home and take care of 4 kids – one of which is significantly autistic. He goes to work every day and comes home. He frequently does the cooking or starts the laundry. He parents the kids and does as much (or more) than I do. He doesn’t need me to “mommy” him – and was a good man before me. He is not a better man because of me. I guess I am very lucky. I know many wives compare themselves, their parenting and their house work involvement to their own, but that’s not a fair comparison. It’s not as easy for him to be involved if he is working outside the home. Even when my husband traveled for a living and was gone 70% of the time, I never uttered to him that he “was never there,” or “why do I have to ask for your help.” It was already hurtful enough to him that he was missing out on a significant portion of his children’s growth. He didn’t need me to add hot coals to his pain. I don’t have any complaints about David. He’s the perfect husband.

    1. mommyfriend says:

      Alicia, that is so sweet! He sounds like a keeper!

    2. D says:

      Dave is a lucky man.

  11. Miromi27 says:

    I have used the babysitting jab, more then once…

  12. Liz says:

    Reading this definitely makes me want to hug and kiss my hard working hubbie!

  13. sara says:

    im just wondering if a man wrote these…because they seem quite soft for jabs…more like a jab in jest.

  14. lisa says:

    Forgive me but these seem taken out of a poorly written sitcom. Really? Just pile on stereotype after stereotype…

  15. Elicia says:

    Some of these were so stupid. Like “why do I always have to ask for your help” and the caption being B/C you do the end. You can sooooo tell a man who does close to nothing with his kids wrote this.

    1. mommyfriend says:

      Actually a woman wrote it but thanks for reading!

  16. Shelley Clements says:

    Wow…we’ve all had our days with parenting and relationships. In all my long years I’ve learned the hard way and with many regrets; Before the jab, stop and think what it would be like not being able to hold that person in your arms when he comes thru that door after work. What if he were gone forever??

    There is nothing that can’t wait for tomorrow, or the weekend, or plan a few vacation days to spring clean together whether in the home, yard or garage. Instead of the jabs, plan thru the day on greeting him with something special for “him to come home to”.

    Saying mean things are only regrets and bad memories that come up and bite you in the hindend when you least expect it. It hurts that persons feelings and can go deep. Don’t hurt the ones who love you!

  17. Candice says:

    what about WHATEVER my husband hates when I say that but you know what WHATEVER LOL! how about things a man says that are mean they can be just as mean!

    1. mommyfriend says:

      Candice, GOOD one!!!

  18. Taylor says:

    This article overwhelmingly enhances my stance on being single. This is exactly the reason why I never want to marry a woman. Why on earth would anyone want to just sprint into a burning building? Men get what they ask for.

  19. Bob Rio says:

    Ok, here we go!

    “why do i always have to ask for your help” – because I’m not a mind reader

    “watching your own kids isn’t babysitting” – true but isn’t it almost the same thing? sometimes we get lazy with the use of words, in many cases we pay for it.

    “im not your mother” – well Duh, I haven’t slept with my mother since I was 4.

    My soon to be EX used “I want a divorce” frequently when we disagreed.

  20. mommy y says:

    I don’t believe I’ve said any of these in seriousness, as lighthearted jabs, sure. My husband has jabs of his own. As far as asking for help, I have to agree with Bob Rio…husbands aren’t mind readers anymore than anyone else. It drives me crazy when people (either sex) get angry at me because they had some expectation of me without letting me know. My mom’s good at this :)

  21. LINDA DANEAULT says:

    Well i have read a lot of comments and you know what all this fighting only hurts our children as adults we need to find a better way to parent no i did not do everything right either but wish i could take back some of the times when our children heard us argue about things that they should not here. We only get one chance to raise our children so we need to give it our all and as parents that means putting our differences aside i only wish i knew this when my children were young. please try to put your children first they may not be here forever from a mom who lost a child and hopes he can forgive our poor parenting skills

  22. Ed says:

    It is a very good and sure way to loose a husband…Keep running your mouth and he will be looking for more friendly ground

  23. Ed says:

    I come home and don’t even get a “hi honey glad you are home”, if i want something to eat I prepare it myself, been married almost 26 years and haven’t had intimacy in more than 10 years..only reason I am still here is $$$, have several ladies who want my company and ask for it

  24. step parent says:

    Well, did it also involve raising someone else’s kids. You know, the lazy unmotivated ones that just don’t see where they may be in 2 to 5 years from now? The ones that just “don’t get it” and the bio just won’t do anything. Just let them do “their thing”. There is just not to much stuff out there to help the step parent so what if they throw a few jabs at “dad” when you are doing what should have been done by him and the bio mother. It is VERY difficult in this situation. Oh BTW Ed, just leave!!! Your money is not everything. Give her a break and you and just leave. Maybe one of “those ladies will say what you want to hear until they get tired of your crap just like the one you have been with for the last 26 yrs. There must have been something there at one time or the other.

  25. Michael says:

    My favorite comeback to my wife when she stayed at home to take care of the kids and the house and it works everytime. We can trade any time you like.

    Yes they are my kids and your lucky to be staying home with them. It will be no problem for me to stay home and look after and even educate my own kids for a change.

    OH, I am a school teacher. I help raise other peoples kids for 8 to 10 hours a day while they work. So, YES, I do know what baby sitting it like. At least that is how most parents see school and it gets worse if you tell them their child is failing at something. OH GOD you would think mom is doing most of the homework…. because they can’t figure out how they..(I mean my child was getting help from me) missed it.

    Women need to take a step back and realize what men do. One of these days they will get rid of child support and women can see what men do. If your not getting your child support then you know what they do. Don’t you wish you had complained less before they left. One day women will realize it takes a family to raise a child and stop trying to take all the credit and responsibility.

  26. Andrew says:

    I’ve heard a few of these from my fiancee’. She does both our laundry — the in and out of the machine part — she refuses to fold or iron mine. She works 3 days a week; I work 5 days. But because her days end later, I cook dinner about 4 times a week, most of those on days I just got home from work. She doesn’t understand how tired I am at the end of the week, even though she does her cooking days on days she hasn’t worked all day first. She doesn’t do much of the outside yard work — won’t mow the lawn nor shovel snow…nor would I as a man let her…but then doesn’t understand why I don’t have more time to help with inside chores. She likes when I make “special breakfasts”, but she likes to make simpler things. And when time comes to serve up dinner, she loads her own plate and heads to the table. When I serve up, I load hers first, then mine. Should I marry this woman???

  27. lacegee says:

    What about the things that Dads say to moms? The things we say to our husband is bad but mean hit blow the belt too. And they hit way harder than we do. So if your going to put one up you have too put the other up.

  28. Jayson says:

    I hear all of these everyweek, some more than others! and yet it seems that the more i do around the house the more that is expected of me. it seems that it is never enough, i do most of the cooking, most of the laundry and as i will admit that i dont deep clean the house like my wife does i do a pretty good job at keeping it picked up and tidy.
    You can print this stuff all you want and wives are still not going to get it. that is why us husbands have come up with a standard immasculating phrase ” YES DEAR”

  29. Rich says:

    My wife constantly brags about how good of a jon she did on something. I think she idolizes herself. Constatantly telling her FB friends about the “perfect” meal she made or How perfect she is at any subjuect immaginable. What bothers me the most is how she talks about how much biggers her ex was than me. She talks about everyone’s penis except mine. She also loves to receive oral sex but won’t give me oral sex or even a hand-job. Am I being overly sensitive or is there something wrong with this picture

  30. Sharon says:

    Maybe if you are making these jabs you should look at the relationship and find out why. I love the comment about picking up, cooking, cleaning, etc. If you don’t want to do these things then don’t do it and nicely ask him for help. I think the reason a lot of women are unhappy is because they think life is supposed to be like the crap on TV. Wake up and realize that it’s the real world and everyone has to do their part. If you don’t want to feel like the man’s mother then don’t act like the mother. :) Sit down and make a list of responsibilities together and talk about the issues without other distractions. Good luck! I have to say that I have an amazing husband that will do anything for me.

  31. Ashley says:

    What about the moms who go to work full time and stil do all (yes, all including lawn work and repairs) as well care for the children and clean up after the husband who leaves his dirty laundry sitting on the kitchen counter, book shelf, or whatever he is standing nearest? And yet, some men have the audacity to complain because they shouldn’t have to do womens’ work or get enough sex. Grow up.

  32. Ashley says:

    And Michael, I truly pity your students (assuming you truly are a teacher), if you are teaching them the same grammar you use. Honestly, your and you’re are not interchangable.

    I would love to trade any day with my hisband and he works in a sweaty factory all day.

  33. golda says:

    ok im gonna have to say it. to all those women with kids & married! dont lie u have at least mumbled one of those. & also on certain things we shouldnt have to ask for help, & u would be surprised on some of thr things we have to ask for help with. if im lifting something heavy, get up & help! shouldnt have to ask… i love my husband & love that he works hard for our family. men may know how hard us mamas work,but need to learn to show us… girls need praise for all thier work. & maybe a day of him taken the kids to do anything. just to catch 5 more minutes of sleep! this is something we shouldnt have to ask! men arent saints they no exactly what to say to thier wife to get directly under ur skin! i have been with my husband for 11 years & have 3 kids, love that man to death lol. but he also takes his frustration out on me.. moral is women stop lie’n( if u havent said any of those words. then they were close)! & men sometimes we say things that arent exactly how we feel.. sorry ya’ll catch the ass end of that lol.

  34. Lisa S. says:

    I really breathed a sigh of relief… I don’t think I’ve said any of these to my hubby of 10+ years and father of our 3 kids. THOUGHT them, you betcha. ;) Well, any but one… and it’s the asking for help one. But mine is when I’m in the midst of trying to bathe and bed three small children and fighting a losing battle, and he’s sitting on the couch watching hockey. From the mayhem it should not be hard to surmise that I might not have the situation under control and a simple “Is there anything I could do to help?” would be AMAZING. Not the sort of situation where he would need to be a mind reader to guess that maybe his assistance would be appreciated.

  35. Lin says:

    I’ve never said any of these things to my husband. He works hard, but the second he’s home he is 100% on, helping the kids with homework and running them to sports and activities. People say I’m lucky, but it wasn’t luck. I chose wisely.

  36. Carol says:

    I can honestly say I have never had to say these things to my husband. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, and takes car of his kids. He is also in the military and I could never imagine throwing out the “you’re never here” comment. Being away is punishment enough. The only time I have said “watching your own kids isn’t babysitting” has been when other women comment on hw nice it is that my husband will babysit. Maybe instead of throwing jabs, we women could sit down and hav an adult discussion with our husbands on what we need from them instead of expecting them to read our minds and do it.

  37. Missy says:

    Well if I a man didn’t write this, I’m surprised that the woman who did, is not barefoot and pregnant, oh and in the kitchen of course.

    1. mommyfriend says:

      Missy, a woman wrote this piece. I know because I am she. Thanks for reading!

  38. Andrea says:

    Obviously written by a man!!! It essentially says ” he’s only a man so get over it”… It absolutely irritates my husband to no end to hear a man say they are babysitting their own child…. I call bull crap on this whole thing!!!

  39. Kat says:

    I’m glad I don’t HAVE to say these things to my husband…because he’s not a lazy dad who actually shows interest in our child and marriage even after we BOTH come home from our PAID jobs each day to…our other job! I agree these must have been written by a lazy dad, or at least by a woman who never experienced how great a guy can be! If you think it’s honestly okay for a man to behave this way, you aren’t giving him enough credit. Because trust me, they can be waaaay better than this!

  40. me says:

    seriously this is a crap article.

  41. me says:

    Andrew if you’re complaining now and not married then marriage won’t make it any better. find someone you are happy with who shares the workload.

  42. mother of 3 says:

    I think this is a good article. I’ve definitely said 9 out of 10 of these things to my husband often. I don’t think it’s necessarily that their lazy, just that there brains are not as mutifaceted as a womens. (this is in general, im sure there are some males out there that have fabulous time management skills etc.) but for the most part they don’t they have one tracked minds and we as partners just need to accept it and have discussion on different ways to manage these challenges. I love my husband very much and appreciate everything he does for us but I’ve stopped expecting him to do things without me asking him to do them because I know him brain doesn’t think the same way as mine does when it comes to doing house chores etc, he doesn’t even notice! And thats okay, I just have to remember to let him know whats bothering me!

  43. Mrs. Lynn says:

    Well, watching your own kids is NOT baby sitting and I will NOT allow my husband to call it that EVER if he tries. He should know better any damn way being raised by a single father until he was about 6 or 7. I don’t EVER want to hear those words come out of his mouth! And maybe sometimes he NEEDS reminding that they’re HIS kids too! If I’m to the point that I’m saying that to him, it’s time to STFU and listen to me anyway. How about you don’t drive ME to the point of getting bitchy?

  44. Heather says:

    Lol I agree with this. I do make a lot of jabs that at least relate to these. I just get frustrated when I haven’t slept and I’ve been hungry for 4 hours and he gets an attitude when I ask him to feed him. I’m like really I’ve had him from 4pm yesterday to like 7am or even 5pm somedays while he works and I would love a break.. But being a new parent is really hard on both of you, especially when money is an issue

  45. Jay says:

    You left out the jab, or rather the right uppercut, which usually leaves us in different rooms for the rest of the evening. “Why won’t you come and talk to me for 30 minutes?” Well, when you put it that way dear, it just makes talking feel like one more job that I have to do. Why won’t you come talk to me first and ask about my day, and what decisions I had to make in running our business today that will affect our live down the road? I am the sold breadwinner and an excellent and extremely active father to our 3 kids. I am able to pay for you to have a maid so that you can spend a few hours a day playing tennis when you are being a mother or running the house. I help out making meals, taking out the trash, etc. on top of all the stress I carry around from managing the business. Why don’t I want to come and talk? Because I want you to show interest in my outside life first sometimes.
    In the words of the great American poet Keith, “I like talking about you, you, you, you, usually. But occassionally, I want to talk about me.”

  46. daisy catalan says:

    im so happy that i dont have to say those words to my hubby..im so blessed to have a wonderful husband..and i love him so much..

  47. Tammy says:

    I think the person who said not to use these statements was a man!

  48. Tiffany says:

    My hubby helps as much as he can. He works full time at work and praises me all night for taking care of the house and all erronds while he works. I pamper him and literally put him to sleep by scratching his back, cuddling, and or great intimacy. I get the luxury of being home. Why not keep up the home I get to be in all day and take care of him at night when he gets home. He treats me like a goddess and spoils me right back. Wouldn’t trade it for the world!

  49. amanda says:

    I’m guilty of these that’s for sure but only out of frustration but this is how he knows when I’m really stressed and need some me time I do all the laundry cleaning mowing u name it I do it but I never have to get a job and be away from my babies so it evens itself out yes he will cook and give the kids a bath and stuff if I ask but like he says he’s not the mommy and somethings mommies are just better at than daddies but he’s better at taking them fishing than I would ever be lol so if u build on eachothers strengths and appreciate eachother share the responsibilities and stuff it makes for much happier days even the worst temper tantrums filled days are bearable with love and support and the sun always rises in the morning

  50. Kara says:

    I actually do everything. . . Except bring in $$. Do I still get to use it????

  51. Lillian says:

    i have said just about everything on this list, very recently even. except that “you’re never here.” when hes not here he is at work so i dont tell him that anymore, specially since he quit going out a long time ago.and “youre not doing it right”, im trying to learn that if i want him to do it, let him do it his way. we try to reinforce each other. this list, it makes me feel terrible, because they ARE MEAN. i love my family and my poor husband. although i do everything i want done around the house, he pays ALL the bills so we wouldnt have a home to clean if it wasnt for him.and yes, it would be nice to pee alone, but i bother him while he’s peeing, so there.kids just dont know yet when they are as little as mine (2 and 4).its nice to be loved. poor guy,i really will try to keep this in mind better and not be so grouchy.thank you!

  52. Lillian says:

    my husband helps tremendously with the kids. it was that he would work from 7-4 then right as soon as he got home i went to work till 9 tuesday wednesday and friday. then saturdays i worked an 8 hr shift. but i quit my job for various reasons and he was very supportive of my decesion since i didnt pay for anything really anyway.i guess i bought groceries, but so does he. he is amazing, and its not that he is lazy that i have said those things, its that i have issues i need to deal with. im a nutcase and he deals with me, not the other way around. he IS aMazing.

  53. Kurt says:

    My wife and I split our “babysitting” and housekeeping pretty much 50/50 – She works days I work nights so we dont have a choice. Rarely do we have time for any form of ME-time (or US-time for that matter). Neither of us have time to be “the lazy parent” but we both recognise when 1 of us just needs to chill for a while without having to clean something, fix something or change something (someone). A bit of communication really helps and both sides needs to understand that neither of us can possibly remember everything thats empty, wet, late, missing, broken, unpaid or any other adjective u can think of.

  54. Anne says:

    You know what? Honestly? If men (especially today where *as if* he is out supporting the whole family on his own to any actual standard lol!) cannot get a grip on some of these things, then maybe they need to be told.

    Nagging wouldn’t occur if the stuff was already done.

    I have said to my own husband: Yeah, if you think my job is easy, let’s trade. I’ll handle your responsibilities and you handle mine…but first let’s see if you can even *list* mine. Oh and yep. I do the yardwork and fix anything that’s broken too.

  55. Katlin Wales says:

    I think this is totally rude and sexist. This sounds like the woman is bowing down to her husband, a relationship is a partnership not a dictatorship.

  56. Miranda says:

    Mommyfriend, the author of this article. I don’t know what the man in your life is like, but this article is a copout for men who are either too lazy or too self-involved to truly be involved as a parent. I agree that we, as women, should be more respectful and careful with the words we choose to use when being critical of husbands, but ultimately, a husband is an adult–a big boy– and he should be capable of handling any of these comments. I have said some of these things to my husband when I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and like I am essentially raising the kids on my own. He is in the military, and I don’t get mad when he has to deploy, but I get mad when he doesn’t find a way to stay connected to what’s going on at home while gone. We have had are ups and downs, and when he is truly in tune with the kids daily routine, I don’t have to ask for ‘help’ and I don’t feel irritated with him. When he comes home and all he can think about is how tired he is, getting a shower, vegging out and going to bed (this usually happens after he’s been away from us for several months), that’s when I get mad. Yes, he makes the money right now. But the parent who is with the kids all day shouldn’t have to do double duty and also be the only one to do bedtime, and nighttime parenting. So, I disagree that women shouldn’t say some of these things to men. If they feel like saying it, the man in their life isn’t doing his part.

  57. Miranda says:

    I want to add that sometimes when a man isn’t there….he may be there physically, but he’s not THERE. He’s distracted and thinking about his own things that are going on. Also, if a man is gone physically, it is possible for him to still be there by giving a ton of emotional support over the phone, and KNOW what’s happening at home if not on a daily basis, at least a weekly basis. He should still have some sort of ritual with the kids over the phone, or somehow stay involved even when miles away so his wife knows and FEELS that she is not alone. It helps a ton. Take it from a military wife, I know.

  58. Mother of 6 says:

    I just got home from cleaning a home (which is something I do to bring a little extra money into the home) and I am an at-home mom. I honestly didn’t get a chance to read all the comments or completely read the article. The opportunity to stay home with my children has been a blessing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. My husband works a 40 hr work week. This article is a little disturbing and for some reason we as a society still look down on “Homemakers”. Most homemakers do alot of work in and out of the home. I can’t tell you the last time I was able to take a 30 minute lunch break or even a 15 minute break BUT I don’t take breaks b/c frankly I don’t have the time and I am continuously doing something. What sometimes upsets me is I wish my husband would just offer a little help every now and then. I’ve done the lawn, garbage and the typical things that Men usually do. I’m not afraid to work 24/7 but once in a while a little help would be appreciated. As far as the teacher’s statement …. just remember you still clock in/out and you get your breaks … a mother’s job is never done and we never clock in or out. And don’t give me the “I have papers to grade and read after school” If you don’t like teaching then don’t do it. I love being a mom and an at-home mother and proud of it. Are you going to start putting moms in jail because they’ve made a few of those comments (above)??? I think we have way more things to worry about. I need to stop writing b/c I am going to read and write with my child. Thank you.

  59. Sandy says:

    Wow, what the hell is this? “…They’re providing for the family…” or “…they’re worried about paying for the education…” what kind of sexist statements are these??? Who the heck can survive now and days with one income? Find excuses for bad behavior and poor companionship and you’ll find indifference and misery. These website give you bad advice just to have something to contradict later on. I know men AND women who stay late at work because it’s an escape, not because they’re so busy “providing” or “paying for education”. Let’s not kid ourselves people.

  60. carlie says:

    I can see both sides of the arguement. I stay at home with my 2 daughters and all household responsibilities are mine. My husband works 80 hrs a week so that I can stay home and enjoy raising the girls. I pick up all the work clothes he drops everywhere with joy. It might sound crazy but I enjoy the more traditional roles we have adopted. He doesn’t complain about going to work everyday to provide, and I don’t complain about doing my job either. We have deep respect for what the other does on a daily basis for the benefit of our kids. Its not the same for everyone but it works for us.

  61. Katie says:

    I know that sometimes we all say things we don’t mean or don’t take the time to word somthing correctly before it comes out wrong. However I’m not going to pretend that this is just how men are and we should except it! I have seen the stay at home dads who do the same things we do and just as well. I am tired of making up excuses for there short comings. Why can’t they take a step back and realize that ” it is not babysitting when it is your own child”. I find the hardest part is how defensive men get when we ask them to do somthing even when we use our calm voice. If I ask him to do somthing all of a sudden for the next 2 days he insists on pointing out to me everytime he does that task. It doesnt need to be a compitition and it shouldnt matter who did the task last it just needs to get done and who ever has the chance to do it first should do it without complaint because it takes 2 to run the house.

  62. military mom says:

    I personally am a stay at home mom due to various reasons I had little to no control over: one of the main ones I will mention is a DUI my spouse got. I know that my kids are the most important thing ;I mean to say is most moms if not all moms believe kids are first and I do enjoy being the person who is instilling most of the values with my kids due to my husband being military as well.
    I do however think that a man should come home and be a dad help with dinner detail and bed, or at the vary least try and play a little bit with the kids so they don’t feel alienated by the father. I dislike having three kids when I only have two the third being obviously the dad. Any dad who refuses to play even a small role in there upbringing should probably have not of settled down with a family and kids to begin with. As far as what responsibilities they as dads should uphold is at the vary least is put the clothes where the kids put them, so I don’t have to work more just for him. I hate when dads do not hold the same standards as the kids

  63. John says:

    This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read.

  64. Dennis says:

    After reading some of the parenting comments, I’m grateful my kids are grown and raising children of their own. When mine were little, I was in the Army so I was deployed a lot when they were growing up. I missed a lot of birthdays, holidays and important milestones. Coming home from a deployment was always the best. Although I wish I had been married to my current wife back then. She would have been a lot more supportive than the shrew I was with then. My wife and I now have an awsome relationship. There’s no nagging, we talk, she doesn’t expect me to read her mind, unlike my ex, and we both love and respect each other and treat each other as adults. I think that’s a key, remembering that respect plays as much a part as love, and remembering that as husbands, we already have a mother, we didn’t marry you because we wanted you to be our mother too. For the guys out there, remember your wife can’t read your mind any better than you can read hers. Communication has to work both ways. And if you really want peace in the house, remember to leave the seat down, she’ll think you’re a saint.

  65. Ted C says:

    Why did the last one have to resort to childish playground humor?

  66. Melissa says:

    it can not be called babysitting. i should not ALWAYS have to ask for help. even my two-yr-can see when someone needs help or would like help and just jumps in and starts helping. and yes even if he works all day he should still help out every evening. that’s part of having a family and a house. i used to work a full-time job, but with the cost of childcare, gas, and other work expenses, i barely lost any profit from becoming a stay-at-home mom. but even when i was working, i stil had to do all the housework. most minutes i was home was spent doing laundry, cooking, doing dishes, picking up toys, paying bills, etc. while he sat on the couch watching tv.
    and @michael, i can see well why she left you. and child support is to help your child, the one you chose to create.

  67. Gail says:

    I dunno…the “I’m not your mother one” isn’t so bad in certain situations..I mean, sometimes it seems like he’s just asking to be mothered (whining about what’s for dinner, leaving dirty laundry everywhere)

  68. John P says:

    Lots of bitches on here, doing what you do best. The article is speaking to the great majority of you who would fish for something to bitch about no matter how well your husband functions as a dad and spouse. If your man comes home and plants his ass on the couch, you must have allowed him to establish that as acceptable very early in your partnership. If you never silently sighed to yourself and did the things alone that you wanted help with, you would not have given the hint that he could expect you to do everything. Young couples, establish your routines early in your relationship before you are both burnt out from career and child stress. Cook together, clean together, parent together, and take a break together. If you (husband or wife) submitted to carrying an unequal load early on in an attempt to make the other happy, you screwed up and you are stuck in your roles.

  69. yolanda d elder says:

    I wish I Knew that I need real love and not hurt by husband whom is living infidelity I try to fprgive and work things out but he still holding to her. I really want to divorce him like everything else in my life today need real support and friends today. God Bless everyone who is marry.

  70. James Wilson says:

    You left out 1 !
    Never just start talking and think he is listening to you !
    Believe it our not Dad does think and have things on his mind.
    Show some respect and JUST SAY MY NAME before you start talking we are not setting on pins and neddles waiting for you to speak.

  71. Candy says:

    Wow! Reading this makes me realize what a wonderful husband I have! I use these jabs all the time! Shame on me! He is so great, he is always saying I have the hardest job in the world, (stay -at-home mom). And as long as I ask, he would do anything for me! One of my favorite responses he gives me, when I am wanting him to do something and I say, ” Honey, how much do you love me?”, is when he says, “Enough”. Meaning I love you enough to do ANYTHING you ask of me. I HAVE TO stop jabbing him!….And James, thanks for sharing! I will try to remember that!

  72. leigh says:

    Give me a break! Dads need to grow up and deal with the fact that contrary to what their buddies tell them, they are not the king of the castle! Men need to stop acting like children and help out with what they helped (just barely) bring into the world!

  73. tired says:

    You ASSume that we DON’T WORK outside the home, don’t work @ home, Don’t contribute or yes, make as much or more than our insignificant others, don’t bust our butts to do it all ourselves to save those hard earned $s, don’t work 40 to 60 hours a week, or more, or 2 jobs, don’t commute, don’t pick up the kids, run them to practice, stay awake to watch that recital, shop for the sale on bacon with them in tow, bring home the bacon and drag it and the 40 lb. bag of dog food in from the car, fry it up in the pan and drain it on newspaper to save a dime, serve a nutritious, tasty yet economical meal, hop up (assuming we sit to eat), to clear and wash the dishes, sweep up, take out the trash, feed the dog, pick up everyone’s debris, put in a load of clothes, hung it to dry to save a $, folded it, made multiple trips to put it away, all while helping the children with their homework, bathing them, laying out their clothes for the next day, making a late night run to find a store that sells poster board, packing lunches for myself and kids (he eats out), and cleaning up a bit before sitting down to pay bills, get ready for bed, then answer the kids call to find the fever, stay up all night with the vomiting child, make emergency child care arrangements, and if they fall through, get disciplined at work for being unreliable. But hey, let’s be fair… he mowed the grass.

  74. Ria says:

    This article and the comments make me so sad.
    My parents are in the traditional roles: my mom stayed home and homeschooled us, dad works full-time outside the home and is the breadwinner. I know both my parents get frazzled–my mom has 8 of us to care for and my dad has a stressful job with long hours.
    But I have NEVER, EVER heard her use any of these towards my dad. My mom doesn’t work to create a perfect or even clean home (there’s always something more that needs cleaning, haha). She works to create a peaceful, loving home. Because she is kind to him, but dad WANTS to come home and de-stress after work by helping out/playing with us kids. My dad praises her work and once said of a neighbor whose marriage ended, “Bet he never lifted a finger in the house.”
    In my parents’ marriage I don’t see a 50-50 partnership. I see both giving 100% of themselves to making our family and their marriage work. I think that’s what it takes. Selfishness only tears a home apart slowly.

  75. JJ says:

    Wow, so very many stereotypes all in one slide show (and many of the commenters too)!!! Do that many of you actually live in households where the woman stays home and watches the kids and the man ‘brings home the bacon’?!

  76. Cat says:

    My worst jab, you don’t pay attention. He can be sitting there right in front of the kids, they will do something they are not supposed to do, and I am always the corrector. And when I do give him the chance to be the corrector, I literally have to nudge him to get him to pay attention, then he asks what. And that’s when it comes out, you never pay attention. I can tell by me being the corrector they carry more respect for me and listen to me. It just gets tiring to be the corrector, for his children. They are not my biological children.

  77. Scoobifer says:

    “I’m not your mother!” This is becoming even more common today than you would think. Why is it women with emotional baggage is OK, but men with even the slightest bit of emotional baggage NOT ok? Similarly with more couples having both people work, it has become increasingly important for men to put on a show of “I’m in perfect harmony” to get women to even notice them, much less keep a relationship happy and with some forward momentum. Relationships are like a puzzle. If you dont give and take on all the sides of the puzzle pieces in your life, it will never fit together to see the whole picture. Calling yourself independant or taking in one area, like emotional baggage and not giving, only cuts off the inlets and little head pieces of the puzzle sides.

  78. Ayana says:

    I’ve never said any of these. And it is not about ‘bowing down’ to my husband either. I’ve never said any of these things because our relationship *is* a partnership. We TALK about things BEFORE it becomes a problem. If something new and unexpected pops up, we TALK about it.

  79. LauraXo says:

    Well I was a stay at home mom and did everything and yes I understood my husband worked but he loves what he does and is friends with everyone! Now I love being home with my baby but sometimes you need a real conversation and with no help I just wanted to go crazy I always said to my husband I wish we could switch places well one day he got laid off so I said you stay home and I’ll work see how you like it long story short two weeks later he came to me crying that he wanted to switch back hahaha he was sleep deprived couldn’t function and missed having a real social life and admitted my job was wayyyy more! So I believe everyone is different but trust me being a stay at home mom is not as easy as you think ! And sometimes men need a little kick in the ass to get going but I know there are women out there who do as well!

  80. ray cook says:

    Very interesting subject. Even more interesting are the comments. My wife and I have 3 kids, both work full time jobs(I average about 65 hours a week, she about 45), when it comes to household chores, she takes care of the laundry, I take care of the yard work, and we divide the cooking. Every thing else is delegated to the kids. If they wish to eat and enjoy the products of our labor, they work. Its not that hard, and if one of us gets ill or injured we gladly take up the others responsibilities. These comments make men sound like spoiled immature brats! If that’s what you ladies married then I wonder about your judgment of character. More likely, most of these posts were written by “modern” women who see themselves as superior to the men in their lives, and still believe that old saying ” a man works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done.” That WAS true a hundred years ago, but with modern conveniences housework is a snap! Its all about time management. I know, because after my wife’s back surgery I did it all for several months, without complaint!

  81. Jeannie says:

    I have said my share of the jabs, but look at the role models these men had. Did your father/father-in law/grandfather change diapers, make a bottle, bathe the baby or toddler, walk the kids to school, help with the homework, take the kids to the grocery store, the library, the park? Did they cook meals on a regular basis, do dishes and clean the kitchen? Do you remember them pushing a vacuum cleaner or making a bed, cleaning the toilet or shower, and mopping the floor and doing the laundry? Our mothers/greandmothers did all of these things, and more (washing cloth diapers, hanging clothes on the line, ironing dress shirts, defrosting the freezer and making meals from scratch) and I don’t remember that much complaining.

  82. MARY SMITH says:

    I did all of the above with 2 daughters. Never had to clean up after my husband, though. He cleaned up after himself. When we first married (at 19) he left his clothes hanging around (not on the floor) but I soon told him that I wanted laundry placed in the bathroom hamper and that was okay with him. Now we are alone and he helps in the kitchen after dinner, etc. and we both clean up and the house is never cluttered, pretty clean, anyway .58 years and we are “cool” re our lives together. For a few years I worked days and he worked nights and that was not a problem. Really have few complaints.

  83. CJ78 says:

    Why do I always have to ask for your help?
    Yes, I find it rather annoying, but it is scientifically proven that men do not see the same things as women do. Every dish you own can be piled in the sink and the trash could be over flowing, but they don’t see it. Really – they don’t. You really do have to spell it out.

  84. blah blah says:

    The biggest mistake parents make is putting the kids first. Children will never learn to respect boundaries, be patient or pay attention if you’re constantly dropping everything to attend to their needs first. In your marriage, your partner should always come first. The children must learn that the marriage doesn’t revolve around them, but that the children revolve around the marriage. So many parents do the opposite. Then they end up with kids that barge in on them, whine until they get their way, and slowly beat the parents into submission. Most of the problems stated in this article derive from parents that have let their children take control of the child-raising and the marriage. When I hear people say “the kids come first”, they don’t realize how damaging that is to the marriage. The kids come after you and your spouse. The kids are important. They are a part of the marriage, but they do not come before the marriage. The kids are like a building. They are only as strong as the foundation they are built on. That foundation is your marriage. You have to make time for each other, and the kids need to learn that they have to occupy themselves while you make time for each other. Children are bright, creative, intelligent beings. You need to give them a chance to be alone, to solve problems on their own, and to experience hardships. You need to let them have the satisfaction of failure and success. They can’t do that if you’re constantly dropping everything you’re doing to do everything for them and coddle them. And, your significant other needs to be treated like a child, too. They need daily affirmation. 2 parts love, 1 part discipline. 1 part love is unconditional; you hug and kiss them to let them know you love them no matter what and just because. 1 part is positive reinforcement for good behaviour. 1 part discipline is negative reinforcement for bad behaviour. If you’ve been utilizing 2 parts love, sometimes the 1 part discipline can simply be you withholding love until the child (or your spouse) straightens up. Raising a child is a very natural thing, but we overcomplicate it with our society requiring one or both parents to go to work for 8 hours a day, then come home exhausted and try to have some semblance of family life (which can feel like going to a second job sometimes). Cut each other some slack, and understand that neither of you are going to be as “good” as you were when you met, b/c now you have kids to take care of. Sometimes a mess is made. Sometimes clothes are on the floor. Sometimes a kid ends up sick or going to bed late or eating bad food. Cut each other some slack.

  85. hotdiggity says:

    People love stereotypes. It just validates their broad generalizations based on their own limited examples. Makes them feel vindicated in their complaining. If people here had the mother I had, they’d be complaing a lot less about men and more about how sometimes women can really be a bad influence in a child-raising situation. Nothing like a mother that sits around, knowing the kids will do all the chores like slave labor, then goes out and gets the family into $50k credit card debt behind her husband’s back trying to live like the jones, then has bipolar episodes where she wants to lavish you with treats one second then flay the skin off you another with the belt even when you haven’t done anything wrong. Pathological liar. Bipolar Depressive. Manipulative. I was well on my way to becoming an abusive person myself (abused people tend to become abusers, too) if it wasn’t for us having a special dog that I learned to be loving and caring with. Vowed I’d never be like my mother. My father was strict, but at least he would work on the house with us, try to get us to eat right, supported us in sports activities, and tried to be a father, all the while he was trying to get the finances back in order, keep from losing the house, and worked 60 hours a week to make ends meet. And to this day he’s still married to my mom that basically screwed him over and screwed up our lives. Not sure why.

  86. Robin R says:

    June? June Cleaver, is that you? 1950 called. They want their article back. Okay, that was snarky. I’m sorry. But really. Don’t you think you threw in a few sexist stereotypes and assumptions there?

  87. Charlotte says:

    LOL, was this written in 1955?

  88. karl m says:

    I think this article was written just for some of the woman commenting on it, bitter much? its one article about what men hear I’m sure there is another going the other way RELAX, I work 10 hour days in the elements no a/c no heat on my feet all day you kinda get a bit tired and beat up, but I chose this work and the only reason I still do it is because the money is good and I want the best for my wife and child I’ve heard a few of these my favorite is the I do everything, hmm I do the laundry, dishes, cook on weekends, take care of the acre of land, outside of the house, fixing the cars, have repaired the washer, dryer, installed the dishwasher, fixed 2 of the flat screen tv’s taking them apart and soldering in new caps in the main board, do I want a medal NO but do I want to hear you cant fix that or so and so can do that you can’t always putting me down yes I most likely married the wrong woman but by God I’m trying and I wont let my child down or my wife even if she doesnt seem to care

  89. Bronwyn says:

    I personally think your writing is bloody marvelous! it was insanely funny and couldn’t be more true. I’m not a mother yet nor a wife… the latter is an upcoming event. just wanted to let you know that the thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

  90. ogwriter says:

    Your perspective is in many ways revolutionary because it requires that women actually do critical analysis of behavior that usually they can blame on their partner. I have been a stay at home dad, over 40years ago, and I faced so much bias from my wife and women in general, who act as if only their emotional world mattered.

  91. lala says:

    To me I do not feel these are the worst things you can say to your husband if they are true, what if you are doing everything. What if its true he never is at home, sometimes we as women do not say anything and men just run us over until we just explode. I have been married for 13 years going on 14 years and I promise you I said some of these things because they where true. I feel that if you get to a point where you go to your spouse and you in love or even if you get a little attitude and you tell him what you need or lacking from him and he try’s to make a change, then you got a keeper but if you pour your heart out to your husband and his stills keep on doing the same thing then you have a problem and need to get some marriage counseling quick. Real love is when really listen and try to please each other.

  92. working mom says:

    gosh, what a hero…you fixed the garbage disposal when it broke the year before last and you mow the lawn every other week….who does all the daily work…meal planning, shopping, cooking, and cleaning up afterward? who gets the children up, dressed, fed, lunches packed…off to school …picks them up helps with homework…all while keeping a full-time job just like you…wish i could come home and rest after working “first shift” plus my regular day job, plus “night shift” at home…wonder why I am too tired to feel sexy for ya….poor picked on neglected man :(

  93. Conrado says:

    Hmmmm, I wonder if my sister ever used that “they’re your kids too” when her husband knew one of them really wasn’t his???

  94. Sherry Morrow says:

    Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen; Sometimes in life we say things that aren’t going to help our marriage. My husband and I have been married for 44 years and we have raised six children and one grandchild. We have worked together and apart. We both do what needs to be done weather chasing cows or kids down a long dark road to make sure they are okay. But everyday we both say we love each other and kiss each other goodby no matter where we go. He still carries my books (laptop) to the car each morning at 6:00 for me, starts it, & checks my tires before I leave for school. He wants me to call upon arrival just to make sure I get to work. He isn’t checking up on me but because we live on a dangerous road and can’t get phone service in lots of areas between town and home. We have lost two grown daughters and are still very much in love. We make it apoint to have dates four just us. Most of the time it isn’t anything expensive just real time for us. It makes a great relationship and it is wise to pick your battles. I hope we make it to at least 50 years together.

  95. J Cassi says:

    OMG! Look at you all ! ! Holy cow ! ! The estrogen super highway is alive and well ! ! You all should be ashamed, you turn on each other like a pack of rabid wolves ! !
    How do you think men are going to survive? That’s why men are first in combat, then we cant hear you and we don’t turn on each other in a blink of an eye ! !
    You’re whole species is angry. Read the comments, “This makes me angrier”, why are you angry to begin with? Perhaps you could park the broom, give the winged monkeys the day off, and relax a little……

    Nobody makes movies about exorcisms on men, male possessions, paranormal demons that follow men around. Anyone paying attention???
    Doesnt anyone get the hint ?!?!?!? That’s how you’re viewed ! ! !

    We’ve been cracking up for years. Men pick up on that immediately, when our wife is on the screen, we just think..”uh huh, I knew it”……

  96. angel macedon says:

    What I find interesting is that it is unusual, in American culture, for men to have a laundry list of expectations pursuant to how he would like to be treated by women.In fact,the message has been, for the last 40 years,that men are selfish AND therefore shouldn’t have any demands but must make himself available to her emotional demands, if he wants to be considered a “good” man. On the other hand, for women, the opposite is true. She has been told that, whether true or not, all women are selfless givers who tirelessly put everyone else first. One can find everywhere in culture,in books, magazines, tv, and movies, examples of a woman’s demands usually complied in some list of top ten or so things. Most men know that her emotional self and world come first. Look at the presidential race and you will see this playing out. Women’s issues are front and center and not a peep about men at all.

  97. angel macedon says:

    What I find interesting is that it is unusual, in American culture, for men to have a laundry list of expectations pursuant to how he would like to be treated by women.In fact,the message has been, for the last 40 years,that men are selfish AND therefore shouldn’t have any demands but must make himself available to her emotional demands, if he wants to be considered a “good” man. On the other hand, for women, the opposite is true. She has been told that, whether true or not, all women are selfless givers who tirelessly put everyone else first. One can find everywhere in culture,in books, magazines, tv, and movies, examples of a woman’s demands usually complied in some list of top ten or so things. Most men know that her emotional self and world come first. Look at the presidential race and you will see this playing out. Women’s issues are front and center and not a peep about men at all.

  98. Rick says:

    The responses to this article show just how rare it is to find a woman that is marriage material in the US. Even then, the courts are so skewed in their favor, that if they decided they’re done they typically get the house and the kids. The Dad gets limited access to his kids, and pays a large amount of his salary for the priviledge. Don’t get married if you live in the US!! The risk/reward ratio simply doesn’t justify it anymore.

  99. Sherly says:

    I’ll be damn if I have to cater to all my husbands needs when he can very well take care of himself. Yes I understand he works hard being in the military but damn I’m not knew to it. I know exactly what he does being that I use to work with him before I married him and got out of the military. Just like him I work an 8hr job ontop of having to get the kids ready at 5:30am, getting myself ready, dropping our son off at daycare, then dropping him off at work, then dropping my daughter off at school before I even get to work. And all these stops are in different locations at least 15min away from each other before I even make it to my office 30min away. The last thing I want to hear out of his mouth when we make it home in the evenings (at 7:30pm) is that he is too tired to help!!!!

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