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There is No Shame in Wanting a Minivan

By Jen at PIWTPITT |

 

I have a shameful confession to make:

I really want a minivan.

It’s not like I need a minivan.  I only have 2 children and no pets.  I just really want one.

Bizarre, right?  Even a little sick and twisted.  I can’t explain it.  No one understands it.  I barely understand it.

Right now I drive a Toyota Venza.  It’s a very nice car, but do you know what demographic Toyota is marketing the Venza to?  Baby Boomers.  I drive a Baby Boomer car.  I want a Swagger Wagon, not a Boomermobile.  Are you listening Toyota and Honda marketing people?  I would actually LOVE to drive one of your vehicles compared to the many people who complain about having to drive a minivan.

 

I want a minivan in black, preferably, because black is more badass and I want to drive a badass minivan, because black is the only badass minivan color there is.  Duh.

I want to have “slidey doors” (as my kids call them) that I can open and close with a push of the button so my kids can jump in or out like parachuters on an airplane.  These slidey doors would also come in handy when my children throw open their doors and ram them into the cars parked next to us.  The people who park next to me would appreciate it if I drove a minivan.  It’s almost like I’d be helping mankind if I drove one.

I want enough seats for my kids and their friends when we’re going somewhere.  I hate that I always have to say, “I can’t take anyone, because my car can only hold 2 boosters/carseats.”  If I had my sweet ride, I would have a whole row of extra seats available!

If I had a minivan, I wouldn’t stop with just the automatic doors.  I couldn’t possibly stop there.  My dream is to drive a badass minivan so I’d also need the DVD player with headphones (please God, with headphones because I can’t listen to “Phineas & Ferb” while I’m driving – I’ll drive off a cliff), Bluetooth (hands free calling is safer), I’d want the power tailgate (no sense getting my hands dirty when that’s an option) and I’d want the leather wrapped steering wheel (just ’cause I just like “leathah”).

I don’t have a minivan because the Hubs has deemed it an impractical car for our family (and I think he thinks he’d look like a wuss driving it).  I know he’s right –  he would look pretty wussy driving it, but who cares?

Just today the conversation arose again.  We were on the carpool line surrounded by happy minivan drivers and the Hubs said, “Really?  You really want to drive one of those things?”

“Of course.”

“But why?  They’re so….”

“What?  You think you’re better than a minivan, don’t you?”  I asked.

“Yes, I guess I do.  First of all, I hate to carpool and by driving a small car I never have to carpool.  Second of all, driving a minivan is like waving a sign that says, ‘I’ve given up.’”

“You’re such a douche.”

“Pretty much.  But if you really want one I’ll get you one.”

Awww….he’s my douche.

UPDATE: I heard from a car company!  Read all about it here.

Be sure to read my daily rants at People I Want to Punch in the Throat where you’re sure to laugh and/or might be offended (it’s where you can find my R-rated rants).

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About Jen at PIWTPITT

jenatpiwtpitt

Jen at PIWTPITT

Jen is a blogger and author who recently published the book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat. She started her humorous blog, People I Want To Punch In The Throat, in April 2011. She has written for Babble, and has also been published in The Huffington Post. She resides in Kansas with her family.

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6 thoughts on “There is No Shame in Wanting a Minivan

  1. Roeuny Ros says:

    I love my minivan. I have exactly what you described! A black 2011 Honda oddysey with leather, slidey doors, powered tailgate, Bluetooth, everything! Well except for the DVD player. Kids have their own iPads so the hubby thought the DVD player was unnecessary. You’ll love yours sooo much!

  2. Lynn says:

    I completely agree and I have the same argument with my husband about taking other kids in the car.

    I’d like to add another point: in bad weather, or bad neighborhoods, you can toss everything in the car, get in, close the doors and THEN buckle-up and organize bags – without the annoying snow or rain going down your pants while you are bent over or the crazy coming up on you to steal your purse out of the cart while you are settling the precious cargo.

    I just think that it is the most practical choice until your kids are old enough to drive themselves.

    Then I want a Jaguar.

  3. Badass Mama says:

    Ummmm…my GMC Acadia Denali has ALL that stuff (except slidey doors) and can do all those things noted by Lynn. And it is infinitely more badass than a minivan.

  4. lam says:

    I love my Honda Odyssey. It drives well, has great pick up and handling, side-impact airbags… The dual automatic/key fob sliding doors are convenient, especially when you’ve got a baby in a carrier. The middle seat in the second row is also convenient, so is taking it completely out of the car. Love the leather and sunroof. It’s roomy, the third row seats have LATCH for car seats, storage is good. I’ve driven the Sienna, Caravan, and T&C but they’re a little tight and the second row seat configuration is non-ideal. When we travel with the dog, though, we get a huge SUV rental. Those Escalades are pretty sweet on the inside. Maybe we need a tour bus.

  5. Elissa Hamill says:

    We are having our 3rd. child in 10 days and up until 7 weeks ago I drove a tricked out Honda Pilot and loved it!! I was so sad to get a mini-van, but the slidey doors were a must with a baby, kindergartener, and 9 year old. My husband made me get the tricked out swagger wagon–blue tooth, leather, sub-woofers, DVD, and what sold him is the split screen so in theory we could have Baby Einstein for baby and hubs and the boys could play x-box on the other screen. Yeah, I guess I’m supposed to drive on all the family vacations now!! I think he loves the van more than I do, I will say the “cool box” is pretty hand to keep drinks and yogurt tubes in.

  6. Jill Rogers says:

    My elder child just graduated from college (and is OFF our payroll and has his OWN JOB, thank you very much!) and my younger is a freshman in college and I could not even IMAGINE giving up my Honda Odyssey! I can haul all my girlfriends around, throw in a piece of furniture that I just HAVE to have, plan vacation trips with lots of “lounging room” for anyone willing to go with me. My friends also say that I am the only person they know who can drive a minivan like a sports car, so I have the best of both worlds–it’s all in the attitude of the driver! LOL

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