Funny Things Kids Say: Summer Edition

Open road

We just got a convertible a few weeks ago, so we have been driving around with the top down ... a lot! My 4-year-old son says from the backseat one day, "Mommy, why do you always have to drive around topless?!"

Submitted by Rebecca

Biologist in the making

My 4-year-old son's swim trunks fell down a bit at the pool yesterday, and he yelled, "Agh, Mommy, my gluteus maximus is hanging out!"

Submitted by Jenny

Honesty is the best policy

Me: I don’t know if I feel like working out ...
Son (age 4): You’re gonna get fat ...

Needless to say, I went to the gym.

Submitted by Vanessa

Punch on the rocks

At home my son likes me to mix the kiwi punch with strawberry punch. We were at a birthday party, and my son was asked what kind of drink he wanted — he answered, “A mixed drink, please.”

Submitted by Nj

Benjamin Button

My three-year-old says, “Mom, can you hold me?” I say, “No, Logan, I can’t. You’ll have to walk.” He replies, “I can’t walk — I have bad knees!”

Submitted by Heather

Road trip rage

We were driving to my mom’s, a 45-minute drive. Emma (my 6-year-old) was whining, "Are we there yet? When will we get there?" Over and over again. So Lexi, my 4-year-old, turns to her loudly (and annoyed) and says: "We'll get there when we get there! Now STOP!" I almost peed myself laughing.

Submitted by Lori

He's right

I told my six-year-old he was funny, and he replied, “Being funny attracts girls!”

Submitted by Alisha

An epic response

I tried to carry too many grocery bags into the house, and one of the bags ripped just as I walked in the front door. My 3-year-old looks at me and says, "Well, that was an epic fail."

Submitted by Cheryl

Messy musings

My son said, “This place is messier than my sock drawer, but it sure smells better.” He’s 3.

Submitted by Natalie

Foreshadowing

My son is five, and his new phrase is “Um, mom, my attitude is coming,” and then he starts acting all crazy.

Submitted by Jessica

Downward dog

My niece told her dog to "shut up!" My sister told her that's not a nice thing to say; we don't say, “Shut up.” So she then looks at the still-barking dog and yells, "Shut down! Shut down!"

Submitted by Lori

Gender preference

At home eating McDonald’s — I had asked for the grilled chicken but got the breaded one — I complained under my breath, “Dang it! Why don’t they ever get the order right? I ask for grilled chicken and what do I get?” My 3 ½-year old looks at me and says, “What did you get, a boy chicken?”

Submitted by Cheryl

Crystal … blurry

When asking my son if the point I made was "crystal clear," he turned to his brother and said, "I wonder what she'd do if I said she was a little blurry."

Submitted by Denni

Two out of three

“Your teeth are beautiful, your lips are beautiful, and your nose is kind of all greasy.” End of my ego trip.

Submitted by Melissa

All the way from the North Pole

“Mommy, can Santa hear when I toot?”

Submitted by Sonja

Future Casanova

Bedtime-stalling tactic: “I dropped Mommy's kiss on the floor; I need a new one.”

Submitted by Rachel

We like the stork better

My five-year-old just asked where babies come from. I said a stork, and she said, “No, your tummy explodes and then you poop them out.”

Submitted by AnnMarie

Rational thinking

I told my 6-year-old he couldn’t have any candy so he grabbed Raisinettes. I asked him what he was doing and he said: “Mom, these are raisins. They are good for you. Don’t worry about the chocolate — it’s just extra flavor.”

Submitted by Tammy

Why, indeed

“Why do they call it cremation? You don't turn into milk.”

Submitted by Eileen

At least it's still a planet

My 3-year-old was asking the names of the planets in his rug. When we got to Uranus, he didn’t understand and asked again. After I repeated, "Uranus," he got mad and said "No, it’s NOT my anus!"

Submitted by Kendra

The dark ages

After I told my son how much I adore him and how I have spent 8 wonderful years with him so far, he said, "No, you have known me for 8 years and 9 months, and I remember it being dark in there!"

Submitted by Rachel

A small loan

“Mom, can I borrow $1,000??”

Submitted by Marion

Metaphorically speaking

Asia: “Jhaleel, you’re pressing my buttons!”
Jhaleel: “You have buttons, Miss Asia?”


Submitted by Asia

Slumber party

My 5-year-old says to his dad, “You can sleep in my bedroom, and I will sleep with mommy; I like her PJs."

Submitted by Jessica

Young philosopher

Vivian’s latest random gem (she’s 3 ½): “My bones are my people, and my body is an airplane.” Whoa, deep.

Submitted by Hillary