The Funniest Things Our Kids Have Said

Assume the position

I was squatting in the store looking at stuff on the bottom shelf, and my 2-year-old yelled, “Mommy, are you making poop?!”

Submitted by Jessica

Say your prayers

“Jesus, please let me have some more ice cream. Amen."

Submitted by Tamra

Time to recharge

I tell my 2-year-old that his ears must be tired because they’re not listening, and he responds, “Umm no, they’re not tired. I think their batteries died.”

Submitted by Tricia

Outnumbered

I'm currently 7-months pregnant. I have a 9-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. When I found out I was having a boy, I told my daughter, and she said, “Why does God keep giving me brothers?” Submitted by Jacqueline

Diagnosis

6-year-old: "Mom, I had a great day. I got lunch — wow, look at those birds — I had pizza."
Mom (laughing): "I think you are ADD."
6-year-old: "ADD? What’s that? Does that mean I’m pregnant?"

Submitted by Jessica

Just stating the facts

My 3-year-old went up to a family friend and said, “Hey, you’re always brown, and I’m always white.” All we could do was laugh. He doesn’t know. He just knows his colors.

Submitted by Jessica

Parents first

At the age of 3, when being coaxed to give her great aunt a kiss, Maggie said, "YOU kiss her!"

Submitted by Cindy

That’s what commas are for

Mom: "She’s a baby. All she does is sleep, eat, poop."
Little Boy: "Mommmm, that’s disgusting! Why does she eat poop?"

Submitted by Jackie

Is that what they’re called?

"Mommy, I don’t want to wear shorts. I want to wear my LONG-SLEEVED PANTS!"

Submitted by Elana

Hygiene is key

Sometimes I wear my hair “crunchy” when I don't feel like straightening it. My 4-year-old son announced very loudly in public, “It’s okay if you forgot to brush your hair today, Mommy, as long as you remembered to brush your teeth!”

Submitted by Jenny

When, indeed?

3-year-old Meaghan: "When do I get to have a penis?"

Submitted by Stephanie

Copycat

I was breastfeeding my newest addition, and my 2-year-old said he wanted to eat, too, so I explained that I was breastfeeding. He yelled and said, "Me eat boobies, too!"

Submitted by Nicky

Got Bud Light?

When my son was four, his very NON-DRINKING, CHURCH-GOING grandparents took him to the grocery store, where he pointed to the beer and insisted they not forget "Daddy’s favorite drink."

Submitted by Sami

A small misunderstanding

We had just explained camping to our two-year-old when I walked into his room and heard his cat crying from his play tent. He said, “It’s okay, Mom. I’m just crapping with the cat.” Turns out we needed to work on how camping was pronounced.

Submitted by Caitie

Priorities, priorities

My 3-year-old told the doctor, “Will you please stop talking? I can't hear my game.” Submitted by Jennifer

Pregnancy confusion, part I

I am pregnant with baby number three right now, and my 3-year-old asked if I ate the baby that is growing in my belly. LOL!

Submitted by Sam

Grass has feelings too

When our neighbor was mowing the grass, my 4-year-old told me, “Mommy, the mans are hurting the grass. Tell them to stop!”

Submitted by Teresah

Hey, big spender

I was at the bank with my 2-year-old, and the teller asked her how she was doing. She said, “I need some monies.”

Submitted by Amy

No idea where he learned that one ...

One of our daycare kids came up to me holding his head and said, “I have a headache. It’s a bad one. It’s pissin’ me off.” I had to turn my head real quick and giggle. He's 3. Submitted by Elizabeth

Mr. Fix It

While in the potty-training process, my 3-year-old was standing at the potty for about 5 minutes. I said, “Go potty, Jayvion,” and he said, “I can’t. My wee-wee’s broken. I need a screwdriver and hammer to fix it.”

Submitted by Jessica

The most wonderful time of the year

A week before Easter, my 6-year-old asked, “Is it Peep season?”

Submitted by Jenny

Assume the position

When my daughter was about 2 years old, she pooped on the floor in her room. She asked me to come see. I walked in her room and asked her what had happened. She said to me, “I don't know, it just fell out!” Of course I had to laugh at that!

Submitted by Robin

Potty mouth

My sister’s young son came home from preschool, and he used the word “damn.” My sister informed him that was a bad word, and he couldn't use it. He said, “Damn isn't a bad word. F--- is a bad word!”

Submitted by Jennifer

Pregnancy confusion, part II

I'm pregnant right now, and a few months ago while babysitting my 5-year-old niece, I was about to drink a glass of lemonade, and she yelled at me saying the lemonade was going to burn the baby's eyes.

Submitted by Margaret

Returning the favor

When I was preparing my 4-year-old nephew’s bath once, he said “So you bought this bubble bath for me?” I replied, “Yes, just for you!” and he said, “Thank you! I'm gonna have to buy you some bubble shower!”

Submitted by Valerie