“When I was little, I played with a pile of rocks in the yard…AND I LIKED IT.”
You’ve heard your granny or grandpa utter this gem a time or two, haven’t you? It usually comes on the heels of the explanation of their very arduous route to school each day. You know, barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways.
Maybe, like me, you were lucky enough to hear it from the elderly gentleman (purchasing a jumbo jar of pickled onions and what appeared to be a package of cockroaches but turned out to be dates) in line behind you at Walmart who issued the missive after watching you hand your smartphone to your tantrumming kid.
Either way, rocks or smartphones are preferable to the toys you’re about to see. I think even Grandpa Walmart would agree.
What were they thinking?
And these are just the ones I can show you. A great majority of the children’s toys I brought to the attention of my esteemed Babble editors were deemed inappropriate for this website.
My Cleaning Trolley 1 of 10For your little dreamer. Note: for girls only! Because, of course, cleaning is women's work!
photo credit: themorningnews.org
Tattoo Gear 2 of 10For the aspiring tattoo artist in your happy home! Let your kids sleeve each other to their heart's delight! But only if they kick things off with a "Mom" tat!
photo credit: heavy.com
God Almighty 3 of 10His is the kingdom, the power and the glory. And don't you forget it or he will smite your ass with his assault rifle. This awesome God Almighty action figure is brought to you by the Jesus Christ Superstore.
photo credit: retrorambling.wordpress.com
Abercrombie Push-Up Swimsuit 4 of 10
Playmobil 5 of 10Because biohazards are fun!
photo credit: heavy.com
Pregnant Barbie 6 of 10I'm all for reality and teaching kids about pregnancy but this is a scene straigiht outta Alien, no?
photo credit: thehairpin.com
Playmobil: safecrackers! 7 of 10
Struts 8 of 10This ho..rse is hot-to-trot! She is marketed as "flirty fun" and features a host of accessories including, fake lashes, high heels and a bizarre stripper-esque outfit. As one person apparently in the know put it, "When Santa was interviewed about Struts the horse he said she is a HO HO HO, for sure!"
photo credit: essentialkids.com
Pee and Poop Plushies 9 of 10Don't mock! The pee and poo plushies have transformed into an online empire of sorts. Want pee and poo clothes for your little ones? It's all there for the perusing.
Hitler Doll 10 of 10To be fair I'm not even sure this is marketed toward kids but who is making Hitler dolls in the first place?
photo credit: imgur.com
You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.