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Worst Mother's Day Gifts: I Gave You Life, Don't Give Me These

It’s May! Which means we’re on a countdown to Mother’s Day — a day to celebrate the woman who gave you life, love and happiness. (And more than a few stern talks.)

And if you’re a mom, it’s the time to think about your beautiful children and all the gifts that they  soon will be bestowing upon you. Gifts like homemade cards, and flowers, and mugs that are hand painted with dishwasher-safe paint and love.

But there’s also a another side of Mother’s Day gifts. The side no one talks about because it is filled with shrieks and horror and “Oh, thank you … by the way, where is the gift receipt?”

So as a public service for mothers and the people who love them, we have compiled a list of Mother’s Day gifts that no mother wants to receive.

Click through to see what gifts to avoid at all cost on this Mother’s Day! Your mom will thank you.

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

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  • Pink Power Tools 1 of 12
    Pink Power Tools
    I don't want power tools and I want them even less if they're pink. Because they're still power tools. If you want to give me something pink, just make me a Cosmo!
  • The Vagina Purse 2 of 12
    The Vagina Purse
    I'm very proud to be a woman and a mother, but find a way to thank me for all I've done without giving me anything vaginally shaped. Like this purse. Just because I had a Georgia O'Keefe poster in college, doesn't mean I need to have something similar in my purse.
  • It’s Lingerie! It’s An Apron! 3 of 12
    It's Lingerie! It's An Apron!
    Certainly someone out there would welcome this lingerie/apron combination, but I don't think that science invented her yet. It's a good idea to avoid all kitchen-themed gifts. I'm looking at you, Kiss The Chef apron-hat-towel gift pack.
  • The Conjoined Hearts Necklace 4 of 12
    The Conjoined Hearts Necklace
    My family likes the heart theme, so I am worried that this necklace is in my future. I don't understand this necklace. Are the hearts combined? Why is one of them upside down? Is this medically safe? Does it come with heartburn medicine?
  • Chocolate Covered Bacon 5 of 12
    Chocolate Covered Bacon
    Many years ago, I tried some chocolate with bacon bits in it. And it was OK. Except my family took my love bacon and chocolate, to mean that I want the two combined. It's enough to make me go vegan.
  • Bacon Mayonnaise 6 of 12
    Bacon Mayonnaise
    Am I supposed to apply the bacon mayo directly to my arteries? Wait, am I supposed to dip the Chocolate Covered Bacon in this? Again, another very strange way to say thanks to the woman who gave you life.
  • Vertical Sausage Stuffer 7 of 12
    Vertical Sausage Stuffer
    Remember what I said about kitchen-themed gifts? It applies to accessories too. Let's agree that if I ever decide to make my own sausage, I'll ask for this. Until then, do not buy me a Vertical Sausage Stuffer, a Horizontal Sausage Stuffer or a Sausage Stuffer That Defies Gravity.
  • Cellulite Massager 8 of 12
    Cellulite Massager
    I'm touched that my children are rooting for me to be the best me that I can possibly be, but maybe my kids can just write an inspirational poem to my cellulite instead of making sure it gets a massage? As a general rule, if anyone is getting a massage, it should be me.
  • Cellulite Sleeves 9 of 12
    Cellulite Sleeves
    This is the scenario that I fear. "Well, she likes shirts with sleeves. Let's save some money and get just the sleeves!" So sweet of you to get me these cellulite sleeves! We wouldn't want my arm cellulite to get cold now, would we?
  • Horse Shampoo for Human Use 10 of 12
    Horse Shampoo for Human Use
    My teenage daughter knows all about all the different shampoos out there. The other night at dinner she said, "Did you know that people can use horse shampoo for silkier hair?" I don't know why people complain when teens don't talk at meals. Once you've been terrorized by the prospect of horse shampoo, you miss the silence. I don't mean to look gift shampoo in the mouth, but generally speaking, try to avoid inter-species gifts.
  • Breakfast in Bed 11 of 12
    Breakfast in Bed
    Why go through all the trouble? Just throw some crumbs in my bed and then have me clean the kitchen. My kids did this for me years ago and sometimes I still feel phantom crumbs. Let's just say that I'll be sleeping with one eye open as Mother's Day rolls around this year.
  • Breast Slippers 12 of 12
    Breast Slippers
    If I need to explain to you why I don't want these nipple slippers, we can't possibly be related. Yes, children, even though they are very clever and funny and breasts are perfectly natural and nothing to be embarrassed about. Except when they're on top of my feet. Gravity will get my breasts there eventually, don't rush it.

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