You Know You're A Mommy Blogger When ...

family parking spot signLadies and gentlemen of the Mommy/Daddy Blogging profession… I have arrived.

While I’ve been writing about my kids since before they were born, posting videos of the day we first heard a fetal heartbeat on YouTube, that didn’t cement my status as “one of us.”

No, simply writing about your kids on the internet and overexposing their photos, stories, and dirty diapers does not qualify you for initiation to the club.

Even going viral and having my mug plastered all over HuffPo, Inside Edition, The Daily Mail, Slate, Yahoo!, and Good Morning America didn’t qualify me as a “real Mommy Blogger.”

You cannot call yourself a Mommy Blogger until you rise up in a venomous rant defending the Parent ‘hood.

I did that today.

I didn’t get offended by someone discouraging breastfeeding. I didn’t go off against someone who chose to circumsize their son. No, the topic that sent me over the edge in a blind finger typing assault on my iPhone through Twitter was someone without kids bitching about parking.

Yup. Parking.

That’s the tweet that started it. Innocuous enough, I mean it is Christmas, and finding a spot anywhere in the mall parking lot can be a pain. The frustration escalates, I’m sure, when you cruise by the front of the stores and see a dozen empty handicapped spots sitting there. But, you can understand why people need those.

Then you turn the corner and see a sign that says “family parking.” I get the immediate reaction of those without kids would be something starting with “What the -“.

So I’m starting to build up inside a little after reading this little bit of Jenn’s rant. And I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until I do that left handed thumb swipe of twitter and reveal this in her stream:

Self-entitled entitlement. Really? Parents are self-entitled because we get an extra 18 inches to swing our car door open to load in an infant in a big bulky car seat? That makes us filled with self-entitled entitlement?

Well, it might as well have because I unleashed on Jenn in one of those senseless religious/political debates people have on Twitter that starts out bad and ends worse.

My heart raced, and I couldn’t thumb type fast enough. The more I read the garbage, the faster I wanted to respond and the more stupid I became.

“I’m not entitled .. YOU’RE entitled,” I spewed. I demeaned her childlessness a few times, over-used the word “ignorant” and had to refrain myself from telling her to just take the bus or ride a bike to her downtown single sister hipster hangouts so she wouldn’t have to fight for parking. I mean, what was someone without kids doing in the suburbs at a mall in the first place? Know your territory boundaries, girl!

By the time the discussion/debate/rant went full circle we were wishing each other well. Mutual friends who were killing time were killing themselves laughing at the ridiculousness of the debate and after a few sobering minutes dealing with one of those dirty diapers and bathing my kids for night-night, I could finally laugh at it too.

It was only then it dawned on me that I had done what I had laughed at so many other Mommy Bloggers for doing — I had lost my mind over something that absolutely doesn’t matter.

And now that I’m a full-fledged Mommy Blogger, I need the last word:

Jenn, I never demanded having those parking spots installed, but I can tell you that when my boys were younger every time I saw one of them at the store I was thrilled.

Sure it’s a bonus that they’re right up front by the doors, but stick them in the middle of the lot if you must, just give us parents struggling under the weight of wrangling an army and carrying a 30 pound carseat and child one-handed an extra few inches to swing the car doors wide open. Not all of us drive those swagger wagons with the automatic sliding doors, yknow.

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Image via iStockPhoto

Article Posted 3 years Ago
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