Recently, my daughter gave me the biggest hug and quite the words to follow her embrace. She said, “Mom in 20 days a baby is gonna come out of your tummy?” I was shocked. I had no idea what made her ask me that. I had less of an idea as to why it would take 20 days. However, she said it as if she knew I was having baby fever!
Earlier this year I thought to myself, “I have less than two years to make the decision to have another baby.” I told myself I wouldn’t have a baby after 30 years of age (this of course before I even had one child). Now that we have two kids, boy and girl, that are 13 months apart. I really wish we had another at least two years after the last.
Having to even decide this is a total shocker because I never wanted kids. I was very goal driven and my career and education were priority. I never imagined meeting the man of my dreams, getting married and having two kids in less than three years. Talk about fast! You can imagine the craziness happening in my brain with all the thoughts of maybe having a third baby. I find myself changing my mind constantly. Could it all just be baby fever?
My youngest is going on 4 years old. This means that I’m willing to have my kids go through what I did: a big gap between siblings. I had at least a 6-year gap in age between me and my brothers. It wasn’t fun for me because I had no one to play with or relate to. That already makes me want to give up the thought of expanding our family—I’d really have a hard time if my kids couldn’t play or relate to each other.
I asked my husband his thoughts on the idea of another baby. He was hesitant at first but now he’s very much in favor of the idea. His hesitation made me rethink my thoughts of having another baby. His thoughts are “I would want one more baby but feel it would be unfair to our kids because I really think the family is perfect being just 4 of us. We wouldn’t be able to do half of the things we do now. I would want another baby though.” He has a point but I was raised in a family of six. My parents come from big families too. My dad has 11 siblings and my mother has five siblings. My family has always lived by the saying Donde comen 4 comen 5, “Where 4 eat, 5 can eat.” It’s true!
I told my husband that the idea of having two babies, back to back like our first two, was a great option too. He gave me the side eye. I think that is a no on that idea. I’m not saying no to the idea of having a baby but I will definitely be weighing our options. I guess we will see what life brings us. We can only plan so much.
Do you have children? Were they planned?
How did you decide on having another or not?
Read more of Ruby’s writing at Growing Up Blackxican