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My Biggest Worry as My Kids Go Back to School (It’s Not Grades)

back to school fearsFor the past three months, I’ve had my pollitos (little chicks) at home, and even though I always vent a joke around about how I wish for them to be at school, deep down in the depths of my soul, I wish they could stay here under the protection of my home, my arms, and my watchful eye forever.

Another school year is about to begin, and I was fine with the whole hoopla of back-to-school shopping until I saw this headline on Facebook this morning:

Suspect in custody after reports of gunfire at Atlanta-area school

And so it begins.

This is one of my greatest fears as a mom with kids in elementary and high school. I am truly blessed to homeschool my teenager, but my two little ones still attend public school. With the terrifying year we had in this country last school year, I can only pray as I drop off my kids in the morning. My greatest fear, the fear that I’ve buried the past three months, has now resurfaced.

The week following the Sandy Hook school shooting, I stood in my car outside of the school for one hour every day after I walked the kids to their classrooms. I couldn’t bring myself to leave. My greatest comfort was that I wasn’t alone; I was out there with several other parents as they ate, talked on the phone, or just sat in their cars, looking at every person who entered the school premises. This was one of the most stressful weeks of my life as a mom with school-age children. Since then, I’ve timed my commute to the kids’ school. I have embedded in my mind the three possible access points I can use to get to the school, if anything should happen.

I don’t want to start the new school year with fear and worry. I want my kids to have a wonderful 1st and 3rd grade. I need them to be confident, and most of all, feel safe in the comfort of their new classrooms. For their sake and for mine. And as for me?

I need to calm the hell down.

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