What Would You Go Back and Tell Your Newlywed Self?Mari Hernandez-Tuten
If I could write a letter to my newlywed self, this is what I would say. This year on May 10, we celebrated 10 years of being smitten with one another and learning how to juggle the times when we are not so enamored by the reality of imperfections.
Isn’t it a beautiful thing to share your life with someone you love? The glow and joy that you’re feeling right now can last a lifetime. It really can, and don’t let anyone tell you differently, but understand that it will fluctuate. It will ebb and flow, because that’s what feelings do — they come and go, but your commitment to each other is your foundation.
Seek out the happy couples and know that “til death do you part” still exists. It can also be yours to have and to hold. But it doesn’t just happen; you have to work at it. Wanting it really, really badly doesn’t make it happen. It involves being intentional and being a lifelong learner of your spouse.
Realize and cherish your spouse for who he is and not who you wish he would become. His personality is who he is and who God created him to be, and then tell yourself, “I can’t change that.” There is a difference between habits and personality.
Your first big argument as a married couple will hurt, and you may feel like your world is going to end. You may even have thoughts like, “Oh my word, I just married this person. We aren’t going to make it pass the first month.” Don’t worry, this too will pass. But don’t just let time make it better. Seek each other out with respect. Share why you’re upset with each other.
He’s not, and I repeat he is NOT a physic, and as much as you want to believe that surely he realizes what he’s done, don’t assume he knows. Because he probably genuinely doesn’t know, not because he’s slow, but because since he was 2 years old, most of his male friendships didn’t involve this kind of communication.
Cook together, play together, read together, eat together, pray together, but also develop your own interests, your own girlfriends, and your own identity. The day you said “I do,” you became one. But learn to explore who you are so you don’t end up blaming him for it.
Laugh a lot. Support each other. Don’t hold grudges. Never talk bad about him behind his back. Dance, even if it means just moving back and forth in each others’ arms. Be silly together. Cry together. Forgive him. Don’t compare him to others. Encourage him. Respect him. Cherish him, because if you don’t, someone else will. But most of all, realize that he cannot, will not totally fulfill you. And it’s not fair to expect that from him.
Enjoy each other; the journey is long.
What other positive advice do you have to share for newlyweds?
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