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I Didn’t Marry A Latino: Advice for Multicultural Couples

i didn't marry a latinoMy husband is not Latino. That’s right, I married outside my culture! My husband is not Mexican like me. It’s unfortunate that this is even something I have to discuss or deal with but it’s definitely not new to us. Most times I am happy to discuss how I married out of my culture, but it really depends on the circumstances. More often than not it can be awkward, and half way through the discussion, I realize how the conversation turns sour.

I’ve come to learn that strangers’ opinions don’t really have an impact on me, at least not as much as they do when it comes to my children. I am good at rolling their opinions or nonverbal cues off my back. However, it’s definitely when my family has an opinion that it can hurt. I’ve mentioned it before, my family doesn’t mean harm but it hurts. I struggle once in a while and feel caught in the middle.

It’s not that my family ever has had an issue with who I married. I just feel they expected my significant other to adapt to the traditions and parenting styles we are accustom to.

I’ve learned through my blog that there is a community of us who are Latinas/Latinos and married out of our culture. After many interviews, I realized how many of us don’t deal with the same situations. However, many of us who deal with hard situations of criticism hardly speak up about them. I have been fortunate to receive very open emails where individuals have shared how situations have affected them. There also have been many messages asking for advice. I feel honored to be asked for advice, though I am no expert. My advice is strictly based on experience.  While much of my advice may seem simple, when you are in the moment of anxiety and being questioned, everything can go out the window. This can make the situation even more confusing and stressful.

My advice for Multicultural couples, especially those with kids:

  • Advice for Multicultural Couples 1 of 7
    i didnt marry a latino

    Scroll through the images for my advice on dealing with situations as a multicultural couple and family.

  • Prepare your significant other 2 of 7
    519

    Our Latino culture is very traditional and when we marry or date out of our culture, many times we aren't as prepared or don't prepare others for certain things that may offend one another or vice versa. My husband's family doesn't use titles to address certain relatives, while in my family we take offense. I'd never call my parents out by first name, where in his family that is not a problem. Try to explain traditions beforehand if possible. 

     

  • Compromise with your partner 3 of 7
    616

    Compromise with your partner based on decisions BOTH of you want for your relationship and family. Do not focus on what you think your families want and would prefer, though this can be difficult because our traditions are almost engraved in our being. If you feel strongly about something, take the time to find a way to compromise with your partner. 

    My husband has been the best at compromising with important matters like religion. 

  • Can’t make everyone happy 4 of 7
    1102

    There will always be someone who disagrees with you in any circumstance, so ask yourself if it is worth taking the extra time to make that person happy. In my case, I've always been the peacemaker; I'd do anything to keep everyone happy. In a situation where my family is involved, it's not easy, especially when my marriage is at the line. I've had to deal with the fact that someone will always be upset.  

  • You will always be judged 5 of 7
    271

    Someone will always judge you based on your decisions or who you married. Whether you are a parent of multicultural child or your family is multicultural, someone will always question your decisions, including who you choose as a partner. Those judgments and questions need not to be answered! I find some opinions borderline ignorant rather that curious!

  • Stand your ground 6 of 7
    420

    Stay focused of what your relationship is and what you believe in. You will be questioned! Don't allow others' opinions or questioning to make you think twice about your decisions. 

  • Do not make decisions while angry 7 of 7
    323

    Don't act or make decisions while you are upset. Many times anger will get us out of character and make us look like fools. Assess the situation and tackle it later… if it's worth it.

    I've learned that ignoring a situation is the best way to react! 

 

Do you have any advice for other Multicultural couples?

Read more of Ruby’s writing at Growing Up Blackxican

And don’t miss a post! Follow Ruby on Twitter and Facebook!

 

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