A month after getting married, my husband and I found out we were expecting. We were so overjoyed and so surprised. We weren’t expecting to get pregnant so fast. Needless to say, we were so excited to share the news with our families quickly. Unfortunately, as soon as we got the news we were expecting, the bad news came along that we may be losing our baby. Miscarriages are as unexpected as pregnancies. The joy can end so fast and yet as a Latina, I’m expected to be strong even during a miscarriage.
I’ve realized my culture has had a lot to do with how things are dealt with. We don’t talk about the bad situations. We are expected to be strong and deal with life in silence. I was not built this way. I wear my emotions. When I’m upset or sad, I usually cry. My emotions are a clear sign that I am far from being strong, at least Latina Strong.
When I shared the news with my family I didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for. They didn’t break down in tears like I did. They were cautious with my situation but that was about it. They cared just not in the way I wanted them to care. After a visit to the ER and a confirmation that indeed I was miscarrying, all I was told was that there’s no clear reason why it happens. Again I didn’t feel strong. I automatically went into mourning. As I went thru the whole miscarriage process, all I could think about was why this was happening to us. My husband and I were extremely sad to say the least. I soon was told by family that things always happen for a reason but really at that moment all I wanted was to be told things would be ok. I was also told I should get over it and bury myself into work. Being busy would help get over it. I really shouldn’t let something I barely had affect me. It was time to get back to work.
I took all the advice as best as I could. It’s been 6 years since my miscarriage and although just 3 months later I was pregnant with my son, it still hurts. I often wonder if I had been given the time to grieve my loss and not be told to be strong if it would be easier to discuss. I also wonder if my postpartum had anything to do with my miscarriage as well. I will never truly know because I didn’t deal with my loss as soon as possible and I was still trying to be strong during postpartum.
I’ve learned to grieve in my own way. I’m finally able to share my story because it’s helping me heal. I share now to create awareness and to help others understand miscarriage and infant loss is not something we ever get over. It’s important as a community to come together during such a loss. It takes time to feel normal or as normal as it will ever get. We never can be strong enough to deal with the pain not even Latina strong.
How will you create awareness for miscarriage and infant loss month?
Read more of Ruby’s writing at Growing Up Blackxican