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7 Christmas Toys You'd Better Not Buy My Kids

Bratz dolls are charming.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these toys. I just don’t want them in my house. I don’t speak for all moms and certainly not for my kids, who would gladly take any or all of them.  It’s just that I’ve sort of had it with toys that are noisy, violent or intentionally annoying.

For the full list of all 15 of this years most hated Christmas toys and commentary on why I don’t want them, click on over to Rants from MommyLand.

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  • Doggy Doo 1 of 7
    Doggy Doo
    A game that is essentially about watching a dog crap. I just don't understand how this product made it out of beta testing. Were there no sane people in the focus group? I mean, I spend hours begging my kids to help me clean up *actual* doggy doo from our *actual* dog in our *actual* yard. That's a game I could get behind but the children lack some enthusiasm for it. Go figure.
  • Monster High Dolls 2 of 7
    Monster High Dolls
    These dolls are incredibly popular. Lots of people love them and the show that features them. I will state for the record that I've never seen the show. My 8 year old daughter thinks that everything Monster High is completely and utterly awesome. I think they look like a genetic hybrid of a Bratz doll and the 3 day old corpse of a slutty monster. It may just be me, but I think maybe a trampy werewolf isn't the coolest toy for a little girl.
  • Stompeez 3 of 7
    Stompeez
    I think these are adorable. But I would never, ever buy them. Because they encourage kids to STOMP in order to get the cute slippers to do their thing. Do you have any idea how much noise my kids can make with their feet already? I have to think this was product was developed by someone who hates parents, has never had downstairs neighbors, or has spent time with anyone under the age of 17. Also? This Stompeez character is called Sir One Eyed Monster. ::snicker::
  • Flush 4 of 7
    Flush
    This game sprays potty water on the players. I've been trying to keep my kids from splashing in the potty since they were old enough to walk. I mean, are you kidding me? It sprays potty water everywhere? Why not glitter? And some Moon Sand? And then you'd have the trifecta of horrific, most hated substances for me to have clean. That's what I call a Merry Freaking Christmas.
  • Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 5 of 7
    Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3
    Boys who love video games have been indoctrinated into the idea that the Call of Duty series is THE MOST AWESOME THING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. They probably are. And since this is the newest Call of Duty, it is the best and therefor boys who love video games HAVE to have it. Except my son is 6 years old. So keep it the hell out of my house. None of these games are OK for little guys and yet "cool parents" everywhere think its fine to buy them for 6 year olds and make me look like the meanest mommy ever.
  • Orbeez 6 of 7
    Orbeez
    These things drive me nuts. They're like bath beads. But they're designed to just feel really good when you touch them. That's it. That's all they do. There's something about them that just screams "DANGER!!" to me. Maybe it's because I'm almost 39 and they look so squishy and pretty and cool that I *almost* want to put one in my mouth. How could a three year old resist? Then you know what I would call this toy? "Six Hours in The Emergency Room Waiting for The Attending Physician to Remove One from My Child's Left Nostril".
  • Power Rangers Samurai Mega Blade 7 of 7
    Power Rangers Samurai Mega Blade
    This toy got called out as being one of the ten most dangerous of the year. That's pretty easy to believe given that when you see kids playing with it, it looks deadly and horrifying. I can't imagine arming a hyper little dude with an actual dangerous weapon is a good idea. If I gave this to my 6 year old, we'd end up at either the emergency room or juvenile detention within three hours.

Holiday Gift Guide: The Top 100 toys for kids!

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