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10 Things I Want (or, Rather, Don’t Want) for Christmas — and Theres No Shopping Involved

Snuggie

Please don't buy me one of these, but not for the reason you're thinking

I’m making it easy for my friends and family this holiday season. I’m providing a list of what I want on Dec. 25 (besides someone else making breakfast and washing the dishes, that is).

Or, more specifically, I’ve made a list of what I don’t want for Christmas. After all, it’s no fun to say what I want. I like to be surprised. You know, as long as it’s a good surprise.

So I’ve checked my list twice, and here it is. And since it involves no shopping, you’re welcome.

 

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  • 1. Knick-knacks 1 of 10
    1. Knick-knacks
    Don't buy me those little knick-knacks, doodads or "perfect stocking stuffers" that you find in the store that are on the counter next to the cash register. If the store can't find a good place to put them, chances are, neither can I.
  • 2. Crap 2 of 10
    2. Crap
    Don't buy me a Slanket, a Snuggie, or anything else that is sold via an infomerical or QVC. When you buy me any of that crap, you take away all the fun of my insomnia-driven shopping sprees twice a year.
  • 3. Take My Toddler, Please 3 of 10
    3. Take My Toddler, Please
    Don't allow my 3-year-old's preschool to close over Christmas break. Does everyone need to observe Jesus' birthday for two entire weeks at the end of December and beginning of January? And while my daughter might enjoy a break from her difficult existence of snack, naptime and finger-painting, her break is no break for me. Seriously.
  • 4. Pay-per-gift-wrapping 4 of 10
    4. Pay-per-gift-wrapping
    Don't charge me if I want a gift I buy to come wrapped. Gift-wrap for free. Stores used to gift-wrap for free. Don't make me pay you to do something you used to do for free. Wrapping is really the last thing I have time for over the next few weeks. I'm more likely to buy from you if you wrap for free. The more I buy, the closer I'll be done to shopping. And being done shopping will be a gift for me.
  • 5. Unwrapped Gifts 5 of 10
    5. Unwrapped Gifts
    Don't send my kids unwrapped gifts. That means I have to wrap them. And wrapping gifts is no gift for me (see No. 4).
  • 6. Your Wish List 6 of 10
    6. Your Wish List
    Don't wait to tell me what you want for Christmas on Dec. 23 or 24. Going to any store in the last few hours before Christmas is like standing in line at Krispy Kreme before your initial weigh-in at Weight Watchers: frenzied and kind of pathetic. And it also means I won't be done shopping anytime soon (see No. 4).
  • 7. House Gift 7 of 10
    7. House Gift
    Do I really need to tell you that I don't want anything for my house? Don't get me anything for my house. If I need a vacuum cleaner or a blender it's because I need it, I don't want it. This isn't 1952. I'm not June Cleaver. I don't enjoy vacuuming or blending, no matter how cool and gadget-y the devices are (dads like gadgets, not moms). Get me things I want, please, not things that make me feel like Alice, the Brady Bunch maid. However, I wouldn't mind Alice's blue dress. You know, for next Halloween.
  • 8. Books 8 of 10
    8. Books
    Don't get me a book. If you do it's just another reminder of one more thing I have no time for. And that makes me sad. I like books. Correction, I liked books. I have two kids under 4. Who has time to read?
  • 9. Remember: It’s About Me, Not You 9 of 10
    9. Remember: It's About Me, Not You
    Don't buy me what you'd like. Buy me what I'd like (and if you're close enough to me that you're buying me a gift, you already know what I like, right?). We probably have different taste. And no matter how much you're convinced that I should or would like what you like, you're wrong.
  • 10. Gloves 10 of 10
    10. Gloves
    Don't buy me gloves. Leather ones, knit ones, fleece ones, shearling ones, pretty ones, or festive (read: ugly) ones. It's wintertime. I already have gloves. It's up there with giving a kid underwear. (But thanks for thinking of my fingers, anyway.)

What don’t you want for Christmas?


Follow Meredith Carroll on Twitter.

Babble’s Holiday Gift Guide has everything the family does want for Christmas this year!

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