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You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If...

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 1 of 11

    Monica Hi, my name is Monica and I am a mommy blogger. I realized this the moment I began documenting my boob size and bowel movements for the world at large...and I hadn't even given birth yet! (That was two years ago.) Here are the 10 telltale signs...

    All photos courtesy Monica Bielanko

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 2 of 11

    1: You post pictures of your offspring at least twice a week

    You post pictures of your offspring at least twice a week These pictures may or may not include a fancy couch randomly placed in a remote location such as a wooded area or an orchard. You also post “action shots” of your baby sleeping, eating and playing with descriptive captions such as “ssshhh!”

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 3 of 11

    2: You’ve posted a sappy letter addressed to your child

    You’ve posted a sappy letter addressed to your child …And it goes a little something like this: Dear Baby, today you are three months old. You are smiling, and I swear you are talking to me! You love to look at your hand, and it’s the funniest thing ever. In fact, you’re THE MOST hilarious baby alive, and I can’t imagine life without you. Love, Mama.

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 4 of 11

    3: You believe your kid’s quotes are worth reading

    You believe your kid’s quotes are worth reading You know what I’m talking about — that sidebar on your homepage that has up-to-the-minute updates on “cute” or “hilarious” things your child has said.

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 5 of 11

    4: You create You-Tube collages of your child set to music

    You create You-Tube collages of your child set to music Ten minutes isn’t too long, right? There are just so many ADORABLE photos of baby at four months old, it’s tough to eliminate any of them!

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 6 of 11

    5: You talk about your breasts, a lot

    You talk about your breasts, a lot Because the world needs to know the shape, size and weight of your breasts pre- and post-baby…and how unsexy breastfeeding is.

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 7 of 11

    6: You reference your body in terms of “before” and “after”

    You reference your body in terms of “before” and “after” You clearly think of your body in terms of before baby and after baby, and document accordingly, ie: “I just happened to find this photo of me in a bikini during spring break in college. Ah, the good ol’ days! Now I don’t even need a bra, I just tuck them in my waistband!”

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 8 of 11

    7: You secretly dream of becoming the next Dooce

    You secretly dream of becoming the next Dooce Thousands of adoring fans will hang on your every typed word, you’ll earn big money for writing about your family, you’ll score a deal with HGTV, and you’ll rake in even more money for speaking engagements around the country &mdash it’s just one Mom 2.0 conference away! Right?

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 9 of 11

    8: You can type one-handed

    You can type one-handed If you can type a 1,000-word post, pictures included, with one hand while breastfeeding in less than 20 minutes, you’re for sure a mommy blogger.

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 10 of 11

    9: You give yourself a pep talk after reading comments

    You give yourself a pep talk after reading comments After all that (over-)sharing, you remind yourself that no one loves your kids quite as much as you do. Then, 10 minutes later you exhibit mommy blogger traits one, two, three or four.

  • You Know Youre a Mommy Blogger If… 11 of 11

    10: You hunt trolls

    You hunt trolls If you’ve searched ISP numbers in hunt of a troll’s location or catch yourself thinking of snappy comebacks for said troll at random moments during the day, like while giving your kids a bath, sorry, but you’re a mommy blogger.

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