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10 Vows Mothers-In-Law Should Take During Wedding Season

By Danielle Sullivan |

 10 Vows Mothers-In-Law Should Take, mothers in law, mothers in law from hell, daughter in law, marriage and in laws

What vow does your mother-in-law need to take?

Ah, mothers-in-law. If you’ve got a good one, you should get on your knees and thank the powers that be that you do because we all know how many of us have monsters-in-law.

Since it’s wedding season, it got me thinking about how much brides-to-be consider the impact that in-laws will make on their marriage. It can be pretty significant. It can also be the culprit behind many divorces. More importantly, I wonder if mothers-in-law ever consider how their role in the family factors into the equation. Perhaps if they took vows the way a bride and groom do, just maybe that new husband and wife would enjoy a happier marriage.

No one wants to alienate a caring mother-in-law from the family. On the contrary, a good relationship with your mother-in-law can be your saving grace and provide a beautiful friendship with your husband’s mother and your kids’ grandmother.

So I ask, had your mother-in-law taken the following vows and kept them, would your marriage be happier … and would you possibly be a little saner right now?

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10 Vows Mothers-In-Law Should Take During Wedding Season

Vow #1: I promise to think…

About the words I choose before I say them. If I think for even one minute that they might be offensive, I will keep my mouth shut!
Image: iStock

Image: iStock

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About Danielle Sullivan

danielle-sullivan

Danielle Sullivan

Danielle Sullivan writes for Babble Pets. She is also an award-winning parenting writer, who authors a monthly column for NY Parenting and ASPCA Parents blog. You can read more of her work at her blog,Some Puppy To Love. Read bio and latest posts → Read Danielle's latest posts →

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12 thoughts on “10 Vows Mothers-In-Law Should Take During Wedding Season

  1. Blair says:

    1. I promise to never call you, my daughter in law fat. (perhaps officially goes under vow #1)
    2. I promise to never buy a plane ticket for a 10 day long visit, 11 days after you, daughterinlaw, have given birth to your first child and 2 weeks before my son said it would be best for me to come for a short weekend trip.
    3. I promise to think about the presents I give and realize that no, the pill box I gave my daughter in law was an inappropriate gift when she was suffering from such severe post partum depression she had to move into her parents home because she needed round the clock care.
    4. I promise to never say “My son doesn’t like strong women” when referring to my daughter in law (or her mother.)
    5. I promise to not use inheritable items (sterling silver, money) as items of manipulation to play my children off of each other to see who gives me the most affection if I say I will give them said item.

    Whew, that was therapeutic.

  2. Cindy says:

    Those should have been written for both mothers, not just the husband’s. I can’t be the only woman out here with a mother who thinks she should matter more than my husband. My in-laws are very easy going while both of my parents do their best to be in the middle of everything. Very happy to be moving far away from them!

  3. Jbj says:

    Ah in laws….

  4. CDN Andrea says:

    @ Cindy- I thought I was the only one. My husband’s mother passed before we met but his father pretty much stays out of our business. Our problem is my parents, particularly my mother, who thinks she should matter more than he does and that I should always take her side over his. We’re considering moving countries to get away from this as it has caused serious problems in our marriage!!!!

  5. Shay says:

    I, mother-in-law, vow to accept the fact the my son and his wife’s religious views differ from my own, and therefore, vow not to press my religion on their children against their wishes when they’re not around, or in fault thereof, will no longer be able to be alone with grandchildren.

  6. Amanda says:

    How about,
    “I as a mother-in-law vow not to blame every problem in life on my daughter-in-law, and understand that even though we might not see eye to eye, it’s not always her fault. My son is a big boy now and makes some of the mistakes as well”

    i’m not yet married, but my long term boyfriend and I have big plans. I’m so worried about his mother when she hears the news of us being engaged even. She hates me just because i’m dating her son. I love him though and I won’t let her come between us.

  7. amber says:

    I have the sweetest inlaws i could have ever hoped for. they are all supportive without being overbearing. and my husband and my mom get along great as well. its just the rest of my mothers family that we wish would hold their tounges.

  8. Olga says:

    1)I, mother in law, promise to stay away from you when you’re pregnant
    2)Even more so if you’re in labor.
    3)I promise to not offer any advice unless specifically asked.
    4)I promise to listen to you
    5)I promise to do what you tell me and not what I think I should do
    6)I promise not to call you because I know you don’t have the time (and it’s OK if you don’t want to)
    7)I promise to understand that just because I did something with my children, doesn’t mean you should, too
    8) I promise I will understand if your parents come first, not us
    9) I promise I understand that just because I did everything my parents- in -law told me, doesn’t mean, you should, too. In fact, I will understand if you don’t do it because I still regret not saying anything
    10) I promise I understand if you don’t want to talk about matters you consider to be private.
    Thanks, Babble for this ranting opportunity! Such a relief!

  9. Lora says:

    my mother and my mother in law tried to come into the room while i was in labor, i had already expressed my feelings about wanting only my husband and i yet they still wanted to come in, so if its ok with you to have them in there then cool, but for me, i yelled at them to get out

  10. Mary says:

    I promise not to make surprise visit for an event the grandchildren are in. Maybe I’m NOT INVITED because it may be a much needed family time.
    If I have been “asked to call” before I visit, I will call from home rather than drive 4 hours and call from a hotel phone once I am in town.
    I will not show up at my son’s home, 4 hours drive, and put a note in my grandson’s car stating, “I was here”.
    I promise not to “help myself to my daught-in-law’s Mother’s Day gifts from her kids”, put them in my suitcase without asking, and tell my son I will return them later, (example: DVD’s that still have the plastic wrap on), especially when my daughter-in-law has given me a beautiful flower arrangement.
    I promise not to be friendly to my grandchildren and their dad while talking trash and hating their mother/wife openly.
    I promise to let my son and his family be a family and respect their time together in a world where that time is sparse yet so precious.
    I promise I will give advise only if asked and then I will say,”you two need to be in agreement”.
    I promise I will encourage my son to always be honest with his wife, so she doesn’t find out years later that mother-in-law and son followed through with plans that were mother-in-law’s wants/needs instead of son’s, but wife agreed to it because she thought it was son’s needs/wants.
    I promise to not cause disagreements between my son and his family, so he can put them first in his life and his wife feels she is the love of his life.
    I promise to be flexible and understanding if a Holiday celebration doesn’t fall on that day.
    I promise to accept the fact that once my son has a family and work/activities are constant, that maybe they want to just stay home for a holiday rather than spend yet another day in a car, 4 hours drive. If I am kind to everyone maybe I will be invited to their holiday. I promise that I will understand if I do get invited that it doesn’t mean I have to bring all my other son’s and their wives and kids.I am a big girl and come with my husband. I will also understand that maybe they won’t want to come to every “family reunion” that occurs avary couple months, 4 hours drive.
    I promise to thank my daughter-in-law for gifts and cards, not just my son who probably had his wife take care of it anyway.
    I promise to send my daughter-in-law birthday cards too, not just send them to my son and grandkids.
    I promise not to “trash talk” a daughter-in-law to other family members so that she feels welcomed and loved by all.
    ..I could go on..but I promise to be a much more loving mother-in-law than what I have endured. I have 3 sons:) No daughters but 3 daughter-in-laws:)

  11. Mary says:

    I promise not to make surprise visit for an event the grandchildren are in. Maybe I’m NOT INVITED because it may be a much needed family time.
    If I have been “asked to call” before I visit, I will call from home rather than drive 4 hours and call from a hotel phone once I am in town.
    I will not show up at my son’s home, 4 hours drive, and put a note in my grandson’s car stating, “I was here”.
    I promise not to “help myself to my daught-in-law’s Mother’s Day gifts from her kids”, put them in my suitcase without asking, and tell my son I will return them later, (example: DVD’s that still have the plastic wrap on), especially when my daughter-in-law has given me a beautiful flower arrangement.
    I promise not to be friendly to my grandchildren and their dad while talking trash and hating their mother/wife openly.
    I promise to let my son and his family be a family and respect their time together in a world where that time is sparse yet so precious.
    I promise I will give advise only if asked and then I will say,”you two need to be in agreement”.
    I promise I will encourage my son to always be honest with his wife, so she doesn’t find out years later that mother-in-law and son followed through with plans that were mother-in-law’s wants/needs instead of son’s, but wife agreed to it because she thought it was son’s needs/wants.
    I promise to not cause disagreements between my son and his family, so he can put them first in his life and his wife feels she is the love of his life.
    I promise to be flexible and understanding if a Holiday celebration doesn’t fall on that day.
    I promise to accept the fact that once my son has a family and work/activities are constant, that maybe they want to just stay home for a holiday rather than spend yet another day in a car, 4 hours drive. If I am kind to everyone maybe I will be invited to their holiday. I promise that I will understand if I do get invited that it doesn’t mean I have to bring all my other son’s and their wives and kids.I am a big girl and come with my husband. I will also understand that maybe they won’t want to come to every “family reunion” that occurs avary couple months, 4 hours drive.
    I promise to thank my daughter-in-law for gifts and cards, not just my son who probably had his wife take care of it anyway.
    I promise to send my daughter-in-law birthday cards too, not just send them to my son and grandkids.
    I promise not to “trash talk” a daughter-in-law to other family members so that she feels welcomed and loved by all.
    ..I could go on..but I promise to be a much more loving mother-in-law than what I have endured. I have 3 sons:) No daughters but 3 daughter-in-laws:)

  12. Smita says:

    I had the best mother-in-law ever. Sadly, she passed away almost a year ago. She did all of the things in the article and more. I miss her unconditional support, her pride in me, her wisdom and her company. I have two boys and I often think that if I can give their future wives even half the love she gave me, I would be an awesome mom-in-law.

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