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10 Ways Being a Mom Will Make You Feel Older Than Dirt

Anyone who says having kids will keep you young obviously doesn’t have kids. Yes, maybe children will keep your heart young, in a tender and loving kind of way. But the reality is that kids will literally age you faster than the life span of a Kardashian marriage.

Not only do kids wear you out physically, but they also just make you feel older than dirt.

Here are 10 ways kids will make you feel like a Triceratops that belongs on display in Jurassic Park:

  • How Being a Mom Can Make You Feel Like a Contemporary of the Dinosaurs 1 of 11

    Think having kids will make you feel young? Ha. Ha. Ha.

  • Your Kids are Surprised to Learn TV Had Already Been Invented When You Were Their Age 2 of 11

    But they were even more shocked upon hearing your family drove the TV home from the store in a car and not a horse-drawn wagon.

  • The Barista Gives You a Sympathy Flirt 3 of 11

    The barista does his good deed for the week by pretending to enjoy bantering with you, calling you "young lady," and telling you the best part of his job is getting to flirt with the pretty girls like you all day long.


    This, of course, as you're fully aware of the milk stains on your shirt, the LEGO glued to your purse, and your socks, which haven't matched since Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were a couple (yes, you're so old you remember when that was).

  • Nothing Makes You Happier Than Seeing Everything Clean 4 of 11

    And by clean, we mean free from any signs of children, obvs.

  • Your Idea of a Fun Night? Facebook and a Glass of Wine 5 of 11

    OK, a bottle of wine. And the kids in bed, obvs.


    Later, if the night gets a little crazy, maybe you'll log on to Twitter.

  • Brussel Sprouts 6 of 11

    Not only do you eat them when served, you sometimes even buy and prepare them yourself. And never once because someone is holding a gun to your head or because all of the other vegetables in the store are sold out.

  • Those Kids and their Crazy Music 7 of 11

    Do they really call the updated Dora the Explorer theme song music? But it's so loud.


    God, you're old.


    Photo via Facebook.com/Dora

  • Raisin Fingers and Prune Hands 8 of 11

    When your kids get out of a long soak in the bath, they hold up their hands and exclaim, "Look, Mommy! Our skin looks like yours!"

  • Candyland 9 of 11

    You know you're old when you play Candyland with your kids and all you want to do is brush your teeth instead of tear the house apart looking for an errant Milky Way.

  • "Because I Said So" 10 of 11

    You drop "Because I said so" into as many conversations with your kids as possible because, well, you don't have to give a reason WHEN YOU'RE THE MOM.


    (Also, because you're old, and it's just what old people say.)

  • Chocolate Cake 11 of 11

    You're an adult and could do anything you want. And yet you don't eat chocolate cake at every meal, despite the encouragement from your children. Because that wouldn't be healthy.


    God, you're old.

Photo credits: iStockphoto

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Follow Meredith on Twitter and check out her regular column on the Op-Ed page of The Denver Post at MeredithCarroll.com

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