11 Things Not to Say to a Woman with Short Hair

Ancient Egypt
Just for the record, I didn't cut my hair short because I thought I was too old for long hair

I recently cut my hair shorter than I’ve had it in years. Yes, it coincided with the birth of my second daughter. No, it doesn’t mean I’ve given up (well, maybe it does, but that’s not something you should say to me).

It’s funny how people think they have a license to say anything to women who cut their hair short. And by “funny” I mean rude and totally not funny.

Here are 11 things you should never say to a woman with short hair about her hair. Unless you’re trying to be funny (in which case, see above).

  • “May I help you, sir?” 1 of 11
    "May I help you, sir?"
    This is what the saleswoman in the bookstore said to me when I was 12. I had ripped a picture out of Seventeen magazine and unfortunately declined to have my mom accompany me to the salon in an attempt to duplicate the model's haircut. The lady felt really bad when I burst into tears. She felt even worse when she just couldn't figure out why the little boy was crying.
    Image: MorgueFile
  • “It totally reminds me of Sandy Duncan in ‘Peter Pan'” 2 of 11
    "It totally reminds me of Sandy Duncan in 'Peter Pan'"
    You know that Sandy Duncan played Peter Pan, right? Not Wendy or Tinker Bell? Keep that in mind the next time you want to compare my hair to a 70s star. Oh, and Dorothy Hamill? Don't go there, either, please.
  • “Did you just give up when you had the baby?” 3 of 11
    "Did you just give up when you had the baby?"
    No, really, I did.
    But it's one of those things that's better left unsaid. Especially by you.
    Image: MorgueFile
  • “I loved you back when you had long hair” 4 of 11
    "I loved you back when you had long hair"
    Thanks. And I loved you back when you had an edit function in your brain.
    Image: Wikipedia
  • “Don’t worry; itll grow back” 5 of 11
    "Don't worry; itll grow back"
    That edit function in your brain? Will you be getting it back?
    Image: MorgueFile
  • “You look so much better with short hair” 6 of 11
    "You look so much better with short hair"
    Because I looked bad with long hair? You know I speak and understand English, right, and that my hearing is perfectly fine? This is one of those backhanded compliments, right? Or is it more accurate to say you're just being passive aggressive?
    By the way, have I mentioned you look so much better when your mouth is closed?
    Image: Wikimedia Commons
  • “Your short hair makes you look thinner” 7 of 11
    "Your short hair makes you look thinner"
    I'm not sure why my ass looks smaller now that I took a few inches off the other half of my body. And I'm not sure why you think it's basically OK to tell me I looked fat before. But OK. I'll take it anyway. I guess.
    Image: MorgueFile
  • “You have the Carol Brady mom-cut now” 8 of 11
    "You have the Carol Brady mom-cut now"
    Why everything goes back to Carol Brady's mullet is a mystery to moms with non-mullet short hair everywhere.
    Image: Creative Commons
  • “Your life must be so much easier now” 9 of 11
    "Your life must be so much easier now"
    Yes, now that I've untangled myself from the burden of all that hair, my days are all freed up! Losing a few inches from my scalp has made life so much easier. I couldn't exactly tell you how, and certainly not why. But surely you're on to something.
    Image: MorgueFile
  • “You must have so much more time now” 10 of 11
    "You must have so much more time now"
    How did you know?! After all, I'm no longer brushing my hair 100 times at night (à la Marcia Brady, because she's the one Brady whose hair you're allowed to think of when referencing mine) or spending hours and hours washing and drying it. Yes, I totally have so much free time now that I have short hair. Let's go shopping, have lunch and then get manis and pedis!
    Oh, wait. I still don't have time for that, despite my short hair.
    Image: Creative Commons
  • “Yeah, you were kind of too old to have long hair, werent you?” 11 of 11
    "Yeah, you were kind of too old to have long hair, werent you?"
    There's that missing sensitivity chip again. Remember — there are plenty of things it's perfectly OK to think but not say out loud. This is one of them.
    Image: MorgueFile

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