13 Onesies That Predict Your Baby’s Horrific Romantic Future (Photos)

I hate to break this news to you, but your child’s romantic, marital and sexual future does not look good. Not based on the onesie market, anyway, which tells me that not only will your daughter’s life revolve around being a piece of property that belongs to a man, but that she will also be a College Dropout/Irish Exotic Dancer. Now, parents of boys, before you get too excited and think your sons are exempt from the mysterious magic of the predictive onesie, they’re not. These rompers tell me your sons are going to be Trophy Husbands obsessed with getting a pre-nup. Take a look:

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  • image-3303 1 of 15
    image-3303
  • Future Bride 2 of 15
    Future Bride
    The complaints started with this onesie, first at Jezebel, then The Frisky. But if you think this is bad ... wait til you see what else your baby is going to be in the future.
  • I <3 My Future Husband 3 of 15
    I <3 My Future Husband
    The future owners of this are either totally sure their daughter is straight, or totally sure their son is gay.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Future Trophy Wife 4 of 15
    Future Trophy Wife
    Such a sexy baby.
    Photo credit: etsy
  • Future Trophy Husband 5 of 15
    Future Trophy Husband
    Yeah, make HER bring home the bacon, dammit! At least there's gender equality in your child's horrible future.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Future Trophy Husband 6 of 15
    Future Trophy Husband
    A second version, in case you're more into graphic design. Like your son would be if he would GET A JOB.
    Photo credit: etsy
  • Future Ladies Man 7 of 15
    Future Ladies Man
    Couldn't find the matching "Future Men's Lady."
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Future Mrs. Bieber 8 of 15
    Future Mrs. Bieber
  • College Dropout 9 of 15
    College Dropout
    I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT YOUR CHILD IS GOING TO DROP OUT OF COLLEGE. AND BECOME A STRIPPER.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Study Abroad 10 of 15
    Study Abroad
    The good news is, she's going to study abroad first. During her lesbian phase.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Future Stripper 11 of 15
    Future Stripper
    This one really just spells it right out. I like how it's gender-neutral, so it works for boys, too.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Irish Exotic Dancer 12 of 15
    Irish Exotic Dancer
    This onesie is so specific. But really goal-oriented.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Lord of the Ring 13 of 15
    Lord of the Ring
    I don't even know what this means.
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Now I ain’t sayin’… 14 of 15
    Now I ain't sayin'...
    ...she a gold digger. But she ain't messin' wit no broke-broke-broke. And finally ...
    Photo credit: Cafe Press
  • Pre-nup 15 of 15
    Pre-nup
    And by "nup" you mean, "nap," right?
    Photo credit: Cafe Press

More from Carolyn on Babble:

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Only in New York: 25 Incredible Shots of Gotham Weddings

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