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14 Perfect Valentine's Gifts for Everyone in Your Family

Leftover from a teddy bear autopsy, or perfect Valentine's Day gift? Both.

Candy, flowers, and jewelry will never go out of style, but if you’re looking for something fresh and awesome to give this year, here are 14 perfectly awesome Valentine’s Day presents for everyone you know.

I mean, I wouldn’t recommend proposing to anyone with any of these (although the Lego heart box might be a great place to put a ring), but for the rest of us, these clever gifts may be just the thing. Plus, I am 100 percent sure my kids are going to get enough candy at their school parties, so I don’t feel the need to ply them with overpriced chocolates at home.

Bonus: With prices ranging from $3 to $35, none of these will break the bank.

The days are ticking by to Valentine’s Day. Are you ready?

 

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  • For the health-conscious: chocolate molecule T-shirt 1 of 14
    For the health-conscious: chocolate molecule T-shirt
    Chocolate is always an appropriate gift, especially when it's in calorie-free T-shirt form. This is a great gift for the sweetie in your family who's just had gastric bypass surgery, and/or the proud science geek.
    Chocolate molecule shirt from ThinkGeek, $19.99
  • For the non-sappy Valentine: snarky mug 2 of 14
    For the non-sappy Valentine: snarky mug
    For the person in your life who thinks nothing is sexier than laughter, a totally awesome Valentine mug that proclaims your unending love. No commitment issues here!
    "I want to grow old and disgusting with you" mug from someecards, $13.99
  • For the long-term relationship: 3 of 14
    For the long-term relationship:
    You know what your hilarious coffee mug will look good on? A hilarious coaster. Sure, you may not be newlyweds anymore, but that doesn't mean you're not totally still into each other.
    "I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you" tile coaster from someecards, $7.99
  • For the eco-trendy: I love you bean plant 4 of 14
    For the eco-trendy: I love you bean plant
    Cut roses last what, a week? This kit lets you grow a whole plant that says I love you. Literally. The bean plant grows with the words "I love you" on it. I have no idea how that works, but there it is. Magic beans? Could be.
    DIY I love you bean plant from ThinkGeek, $4.99
  • For the texter: 5 of 14
    For the texter:
    Hand-knit lambswool/acrylic fingerless gloves, embroidered with the Interwebz symbol for a heart. Clever, hip, and leaves your fingers free for texting, Angry Birds, and checking Facebook. In theory, you could also use your fingers for dialing your phone, but who does that anymore?
    "Less Than 3" fingerless gloves from HodgepodgeArty on Etsy, $24
  • For the math geek: Plotting for your love t-shirt 6 of 14
    For the math geek: Plotting for your love t-shirt
    Is there anything sexier than smart? Math for the Valentine win! Equation on front and implicit heart curve plot on back. Note: don't call it a parabola or your math-loving Valentine will mock you mercilessly.
    Plotting for your love t-shirt from ThinkGeek, $16.99
  • For everyone: plush, beating heart 7 of 14
    For everyone: plush, beating heart
    This looks like the result of a teddy bear autopsy, but in my mind nothing says "Happy Valentine's Day" for all ages like a snuggly yet anatomically correct heart.
    Plush beating heart from ThinkGeek, $17.99
  • For everyone in your office: Twilight Valentine Cards 8 of 14
    For everyone in your office: Twilight Valentine Cards
    Seriously, why should kids have all the fun? Leave everyone a card, but just sign them all love, Taylor Lautner. Be sure to leave one for yourself so no one knows you're the culprit. Bonus: These cards are just bizarre enough that they should keep you safe from a harassment lawsuit.
    Available at Party City, and pretty much every store near you, for about $3. (Of course, messing with 32 of your co-workers? Priceless.)
  • For the baby: I Heart Zombies onesie 9 of 14
    For the baby: I Heart Zombies onesie
    Really, the only thing cuter than a baby is a baby with a sense of humor. If onesies that say "Future Model" or "Playground Pimp" make you want to puke, this may be just the ticket. You'll have that playground all to yourself when you start talking about how your baby prefers the braiiiiins of a babies in those horrible "Future Diva" onesies. Winning.
    I Heart Zombies onesie from cafepress, $18.50
  • For the young (and young at heart): adorable Lego heart necklace 10 of 14
    For the young (and young at heart): adorable Lego heart necklace
    There is some really whack stuff on Etsy, but I can't think of a more perfect Valentine present from a kid to a mom than this sweet and playful necklace.
    Lego heart necklace from NouveauCompliments on Etsy, $7.50
  • For everyone: Lego heart set 11 of 14
    For everyone: Lego heart set
    Speaking of Legos, they sure last longer than chocolates and never make my kids hyper. Plus, if you mix it in with other sets, you can re-create the love scenes from Attack of the Clones.
    Lego heart set from Lego.com, $4.99
  • For the retro hipster: red phone handset 12 of 14
    For the retro hipster: red phone handset
    OMG. This is great one for the hipster who likes retro stuff, for anyone who ever wanted Commissioner Gordon's batphone, or for anyone who is just tired of that crick in your neck you get from trying to use your cell phone while making dinner.
    Retro phone handset from Urban Outfitters, $35
  • For the romantic: chocolate candle 13 of 14
    For the romantic: chocolate candle
    Candles and chocolate go hand-in-hand with Valentine's Day, so why not combine the two? Sure to make anyone feel more romantic than that patchouli crap.
    Hershey's syrup candle from Urban Outfitters, $10
  • To drive anyone wild: bacon lip balm 14 of 14
    To drive anyone wild: bacon lip balm
    Do you really think your paramour is excited by sticky, kiwi-mango lip gloss? Methinks not. But who doesn't love bacon? Um, pretty much no one. Bonus: no pigs were harmed to make this lip balm. It does contain beeswax, though, so it's not strictly vegan.
    Bacon lip balm from ThinkGeek$3.99

Read more from Joslyn at her blog stark. raving. mad. mommy.
Follow her on Facebook and Twitter for even more funny.

MORE ON BABBLE

21 Valentine’s Day craft ideas to get and give
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9 ways to spice up your relationship
5 things ALL women want to hear

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