Maybe your family’s Thanksgiving gatherings are functional. Although, who are we kidding? No one’s Thanksgiving gatherings are functional.
It’s as if stock photo companies — those businesses that supply generic photos on every imaginable topic that you can buy if you don’t have the money to hire a photographer for creative or editorial purposes — are a fly on the wall during all of our Thanksgiving meals, and then they go back to the studio and crank up the dysfunction a few thousand notches.
Here are some of the most awkward, seriously bizarre stock Thanksgiving photos, for which we should all give thanks aren’t nearly as bad as our own family’s turkey-day celebrations:
Oh, boy, look what's in there!
Butt stuff! Organs! Other assorted crap!
Why, look what today is!
Not the fourth Thursday in November, which, strangely, is what today actually is.
Oh, hey, yeah, I'm that kid
You know, that obnoxiously precocious child who thinks he's totally grown-up, and therefore totally annoying.
And yes, I'm sitting next to you.
For the whole meal, buddy. Brace yourself.
Say a prayer
That we all get out of here before Uncle Earl gets loaded and mistakes the sink for his outhouse.
Let's raise a glass to the gathering of four people who were never, ever in the same room together for a meal at any time ever in history.
We pray, dear Lord
That the next gig we book won't involved face paint or dried gourds.
A lesser-known Thanksgiving tradition
You know, that one where a young pilgrim girl is felt up by an older, inappropriate pilgrim lady.
Apple pie is not for eating on a plate
But for eating off of you as soon as this camera guy leaves the room and gives us some privacy at long last.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
You. Me. A little white meat?
Three's a crowd
Especially when feeding a child sort of seductively.
That awkward moment...
...when you realize young kids related to each other look as if they're attracted to each other.
And, you know, one of them is holding a knife.
Brother: Consider yourself warned. You’re that knife’s next target.
Sister: Not if I get to it first.
Bratty kids, possessed mom
A classic Norman Rockwell scenario.
It went in a turkey and came out... a turkey!
It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
Oh my! (Part II)
It's a pie! You made a pie!
There's no better time to be had than passing the dishes
No, really. We look forward to this moment all year long.
This year, we break with tradition
And we stuff the turkey with an arm.
Granddaughter and Grandma have one thing in common
A smile that says, "Did you take the f$%*ing picture yet?"
Awww, let’s look tenderly at the turkey
You know, that thing that was ranging freely just a few days ago, that will be ranging soon in our bellies.
And, P.S.: Let's hope Mom makes no sudden moves with that knife, as it's dangerously close to Junior's head.
Photo credits: iStock
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