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20 Things You Should Never Say in Bed

In a quick and dirty poll of my girlfriends, I learned about half of them enjoyed talking dirty in bed while the other half preferred to let their bodies do the talking.

When it comes to verbal communication between the sheets, there’s a distinct difference between dirty talk and phrases that should never, ever be uttered in bed.

Check out the 20 things you should never say in bed after the jump!

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  • Don’t worry, I’m being treated for that 1 of 20
    Don't worry, I'm being treated for that
    I am worried, because I don't want to be treated for that.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • I can’t wait to have a baby! 2 of 20
    I can't wait to have a baby!
    And he can't wait to never sleep with you again!
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Just wait until my ex finds out! 3 of 20
    Just wait until my ex finds out!
    What have we learned here? Let's see, you're being used for sex to get back at an ex who's probably going to kill you. Yep, that's about right.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • We should get married! 4 of 20
    We should get married!
    …or maybe we could just finish having sex instead.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • The condom broke 5 of 20
    The condom broke
    DUN DUN DUN!
    Yes, you need to tell her. No, she won't be happy.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • My dad can’t wait to meet you! 6 of 20
    My dad can't wait to meet you!
    (And then kill you for what you've done to his daughter.)
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Is that it? 7 of 20
    Is that it?
    Apparently it was.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Let me just take this call 8 of 20
    Let me just take this call
    Because you're that important, right?
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Shh! You’ll wake my mom! 9 of 20
    Shh! You'll wake my mom!
    GAME OVER.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • I think I hear the kids 10 of 20
    I think I hear the kids
    Sex resulted in kids…kids that make it very hard to ever have sex again.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Wake me up when you’re done 11 of 20
    Wake me up when you're done
    The least you can do is pretend to stay awake rather than say this phrase and remove all doubt.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • What’s your name again? 12 of 20
    What's your name again?
    For the love of all things sensual, use a term of endearment until you can figure it out!
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Aww, it’s cute! 13 of 20
    Aww, it's cute!
    Nothing is cute on a man. Ever.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • I missed my pill 14 of 20
    I missed my pill
    And with those four words you can both enjoy the next few weeks in anticipatory hell.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Sex used to be fun 15 of 20
    Sex used to be fun
    You know what you meant by that, but damn if it didn't come out wrong.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • You’re my first 16 of 20
    You're my first
    Holy red flags and sounding alarms!
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • What time does Back-to-School Night start? 17 of 20
    What time does Back-to-School Night start?
    From Billy needing braces to Mandy's bad day at school, save the parenting talk for postcoital spooning if you must.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Are you done yet? 18 of 20
    Are you done yet?
    Is that a rhetorical question?
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • I’m going to need a drink for this 19 of 20
    I'm going to need a drink for this
    Gee, tell me how you really feel.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • I think I’m going to be sick 20 of 20
    I think I'm going to be sick
    Right now?!
    Image credit: Shutterstock

What else should never be said in bed?

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The 5 Biggest Bedroom Buzzkills

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