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20 Totally Creepy & Odd Vintage Valentine's Day Cards (Images)

FAIL Cave Man Card

If you love someone, do not, I repeat, do not present them with a Valentine’s Day card like one of these. Unless they happen to be really into guns,  being tied up, and/or cannibalism…then these very odd, totally creepy Valentine’s Day cards will be RIGHT up their alley.

But in defense of these cards, it must be noted that they are all vintage examples. They all come from a time where images of kids with guns, or joking about suicide, or hitting a woman over the head with a bat didn’t raise as many politically correct eyebrows as they would now.

Some of them are odd by accident, others are just totally bizarre, no matter what era they are from.

Check out these 20 totally odd and creepy Valentine’s Day cards. Which one do you think is the weirdest?

  • Cannibalism 1 of 19
    Nothing says love more than the threat of cannibalism.

    Source: Funny or Die

  • Gun Toting Tot 2 of 19
    Gun Toting Tot
    His gun says "I Aim to Please You." Really, who would be pleased with a gun pointed at them?

    Source: Greater Than Or Equal To

  • Can You Say Stalker? 3 of 19
    Can You Say Stalker?
    The card says, "You built a wall so fast and strong, but with my magic ray it won't last long!" Yeah, this just says stalker with secret powers to me.

    Source: Oddee

  • Banana 4 of 19
    Yes, it's just a banana, but a very phallic banana.

    Source: Funny or Die

  • Sexist 5 of 19
    Then you have the slave girl card. "I'll take Orders from you anytime!" Yeah, you wouldn't see any woman buying this card now-and-days.
  • The Worm May Turn 6 of 19
    The Worm May Turn
    Wow. A total threat. "You'd better treat me right. Tho' you're the apple of my eye - there's others still in sight." Ouch.

    Source: Design Interviews

  • Skin Condition 7 of 19
    Skin Condition
    Nothing says romance more than a full-on rash.

    Source: Design Interviews

  • Suicide Attempt Card 8 of 19
    Suicide Attempt Card
    At least there was a happy ending.

    Source: 7 Deadly Sinners

  • Bestiality 9 of 19
    The cow is saying "Love Me" and the message says "Can't I bring you to your knees too?" But the placement of the cowgirl, well that's just weird.

    Source: Flickr

  • Eat Fuzzy Warms 10 of 19
    Eat Fuzzy Warms
    Like who do you give this to? If you gave it to someone, it would just be so, so mean.

    Source: Ananasamiami.com

  • The Hunter 11 of 19
    The Hunter
    He's hunting for a Valentine...with a loaded gun? Yeah, I'd stay away from him if I were you.

    Source: Ananasamiami.com

  • Bondage 12 of 19
    Is this the world's most adorable S&M card or what?

    Source: Bucultureshock.com

  • He’s Loaded 13 of 19
    He's Loaded
    Oh my. couldn't the cannon have been placed somewhere else? Especially with the message "It's loaded but only with love for you."

    Source: 7 Deadly Sinners

  • Lovers Get Branded 14 of 19
    Lovers Get Branded
    Let's hope the brands just go on the heart boxes not on their skin.

    Source: Flickr

  • Sword Swallower 15 of 19
    Sword Swallower
    Let's hope he's a trained sword swallower, otherwise this may hurt a bit.

    Source: 7 Deadly Sinners

  • I’m Dead! 16 of 19
    I'm Dead!
    This statement of death may have been a bit shocking, good thing they cleared it up on the flipside.

    Source: 7 Deadly Sinners

  • The Butcher 17 of 19
    The Butcher
    Something about a man with a cleaver is so not hot.

    Source: Fast Eddie Retro Rags

  • Grilled hearts 18 of 19
    Grilled hearts
    Yum. Grilled hearts! I think I'd prefer a box of chocolates.

    Source: Ananasamiami.com

  • Look Sharp! 19 of 19
    Look Sharp!
    Watch out! He has a knife!

    Source: Ananasamiami.com

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