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25 Hilarious Words About Kids You Need to Know

But why, Mommy? WHY? Why?!

Eric Ruhalter is the brains behind The KidDictionary. A hilarious website that’s a collection of words created to describe kids, parenting and the craziness of family life. The KidDictionary is also about to be a book and will hit shelves in two weeks.

Eric, a husband and father of three, has long described himself as a “”Lexiconnoisseur” which he told me means “lover of words”. Then he said:

“Actually “Lexiconnoisseur ” doesn’t mean “a lover of words.” In fact, it doesn’t mean anything. But it should. Which is exactly the point of this book, The KidDictionary. People who have children in their lives to any degree have a profound need for many words that are not currently found in the dictionary.”

These words are funny, clever and so flipping perfect that I can’t wait to buy his book. Don’t believe me? Look at these:


  • Bootality 1 of 25
    Bootality
    My sons have a mutual ambition: The desire to beat one another to a pulp. It's how they like to spend their time. One of the most commonly heard phrases in my house is "Keep your hands to yourself." But there's always a loophole.
  • Amuseless 2 of 25
    Amuseless
    My kids have SO. MANY. TOYS. And games and crafts and books and sporting equipment and friends and neighbors and computers and imagination and bikes and skates and scooters. AND they're bored.
  • Adrenelad 3 of 25
    Adrenelad
    My kids were always bundles of energy. They seemed to be in overdrive all day long. And the idea of going to bed so much as an instant before the settled upon bedtime was among the most absurd notions to which they'd ever been introduced.
  • Nightcappetite 4 of 25
    Nightcappetite
    I always take pride in feeding my children when they're hungry. It represents who I am and what I want to do. But I have to say I least like feeding them when they decide to tell me that they're hungry right as soon as I put them to bed.
  • Stocktease 5 of 25
    Stocktease
    My sons and daughter are quick to fall in love with a food, and when they do, they can't get enough of it. That is, until I go out and buy a ton of it. Then, like magic, they never want to taste that food ever again. If anyone needs I have a case of Strawberry Pop Tarts, a 36-pack of greek yogurt, and a fifty gallon drum of lightly salted roasted almonds.
  • Bunnycomb 6 of 25
    Bunnycomb
    Every toddler has that one stuffed animal that their whole world revolves around. It's like a part of their body. Only it's not attached so they can lose it. And when they lose it physically, and they do, they lose it emotionally as well. So you'd better find that raggedy dirty cloth creature.
  • Shitistics 7 of 25
    Shitistics
    If you sat down in front of a ballgame with my son a few years ago he could tell you every player's batting average, where they played, how many stolen bases they had, every pitcher's ERA and so on and so forth. And every one of those stats had one thing in common - he made them up.
  • Phantomolition 8 of 25
    Phantomolition
    When you have kids, things get broken. It comes with the territory. Lots of things have been broken at my house when I wasn't there to see what happened. And do you know who was usually responsible for the damage according to my kids when I quizzed them? Nobody.
  • Detaste 9 of 25
    Detaste
    Getting kids to expand the horizons of their diet with new healthy foods they've never tried before is hard. Largely because, somehow despite never trying them, they already hate them.
  • Whyarrhea 10 of 25
    Whyarrhea
    Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I welcome a child's healthy curiosity, but you reach some points where they're asking another question before you're halfway done answering the question before that or the question before that. You get the impression that they're not so much interested in learning about things as they're interested in controlling you.
  • Yupping 11 of 25
    Yupping
    Carrying on a conversation with someone can be a challenge when that someone is under 2 years old and yammering nonsensically. But so as not to burst their bubble and to encourage them, you pretend you understand what they're saying and respond.
  • Lullabyebye 12 of 25
    Lullabyebye
    Some kids will go through a long phase where they want you to lay down with them at bedtime. There you are imprisoned until they fall asleep and you have to slowly, carefully, discreetly remove yourself. It's not easy, and frequently in the process you get caught in the act of fleeing and have to start over.
  • Dove Cry 13 of 25
    Dove Cry
    Bath time is calm. Serene. Peaceful, cleansing goodness. Until a kid gets soap in their eyes and then it's a screaming flailing whirlwind of wet limbs scrambling for a towel.
  • Kiddles 14 of 25
    Kiddles
    For long periods of time after you have kids, seats in your car will be occupied by baby seat apparatus. These will do a great job of keeping your baby safe in the car. But when you remove them, check out how much nasty debris they've concealed. Cereal and half-sucked lollipops, and snack foods and bits of paper and crayons and other flotsam and Jetsam.
  • KnickKnock 15 of 25
    KnickKnock
    Kids loooooove Knock Knock jokes. And if you get cornered by one who's equipped with a large cache of Knock Knock jokes (and the imagination to make up more on the fly) you can count on being captive for a good long while as they repeatedly extend their run with the next blurting of "Knock Knock……?"
  • Miscross 16 of 25
    Miscross
    How to cross the street is a time-honored lesson that passes from parent to child. How to look left then right, then left again before scurrying purposefully across. Sometimes early on when you're still instructing they'll look both ways but not remember to do so until they're almost all the way across.
  • Monopolooze 17 of 25
    Monopolooze
    You want to teach your kid sportsmanship. Including how to lose with dignity. But sometimes they're just not getting it and you just can't take it, so you go ahead and let them win.
  • Nicktronize 18 of 25
    Nicktronize
    Santa Claus. Little kids believe in him and get spoiled rotten with presents. Bigger kids don't believe in him and their Christmas take isn't quite so ample. So some kids on the cusp are willing to play along in order to keep hauling it in from the Fat Man.
  • Scoozer 19 of 25
    Scoozer
    My kids can be really self-sufficient sometimes. They'll go all day without needing me, but that will end abruptly the second I get on the telephone or set foot in the bathroom..
  • Sledentary 20 of 25
    Sledentary
    When you're a kid and your parents, to whom you are so precious, are preparing you to go outside and play in the cold, they want you to be warm. So they bundle you up with so much warmth and love. So much that you can't even move.
  • Suppercate 21 of 25
    Suppercate
    Every. Single. Night. When my kids sit down at the table, dinner is clearly just a stumbling block on the road to dessert. Usually after two bites, 4 at the most, they can no longer contain themselves and ask if they can have dessert.
  • Threemageddon 22 of 25
    Threemageddon
    You know a mom's mad when you hear her in her stern voice begin counting out loud to 3. Very slowly. Very deliberately. She means business. And this has never happened, but what if she DID get to 3? What unearthly apocalypse would erupt?
  • Thumble 23 of 25
    Thumble
    If you're a kid who's prone to putting your fingers in your mouth. Please at least take them out when you're talking, because no one can understand a word you're saying.
  • Upptitude 24 of 25
    Upptitude
    In an elevator, getting to where you're going is simple as pressing a single button. Unfortunately, if you have 3 kids as i do and you're on an elevator that is 2 button pushes too few. Not sure if it's a sense of power or what, but they will fight to the death to be the one who presses that button.
  • The Book 25 of 25
    The Book
    Available March 1st, 2012 from SourceBooks.

Read more from Julie at her blog Rants from MommyLand. Follow Julie on Facebook and Twitter for additional goofy nonsense at no extra charge. You can catch up on her posts for Strollerderby, too – where she is often slightly less stupid.

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