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25 Vintage Bra Ads That Will Make You Thankful Your Biggest Problem Is Underwire

Vintage bra ads

Holy time warp, Batman

One look at these vintage bra ads and you’ll want to French kiss your current bra. And modern-day life.

It’s not like it’s all sunshine and roses for women in 2012, but ladies, thank gawd it’s not 1944-1966, which is when it was apparently neither ironic nor misogynistic nor intentionally hilarious to show women looking and thinking like they do in these Maidenform Bra ads. Sheesh.

Take a look:


  • The Nipple Bra 1 of 25
    The Nipple Bra
    Before we get to the vintage Maidenform Bra ads, think about this: Bras like The Nipple Bra should be a good reminder that bras in general could have always been worse than what you're about to see.
  • Breast Washer 2 of 25
    Breast Washer
    Although this was once available to wash away the memory of some of the contraptions women once strapped around their chests.

    And now, without further ado . . . 22 years of Maidenform Bra ads:
  • I dreamed I got a lift in my Maidenform Bra 3 of 25
    I dreamed I got a lift in my Maidenform Bra
    Honey, chances are, you did.
  • I dreamed I was Venus de Milo in my Maidenform Bra 4 of 25
    I dreamed I was Venus de Milo in my Maidenform Bra
    So you dreamed you were missing both arms? And you're saying that was a dream?
  • I dreamed I was wanted in my Maidenform Bra 5 of 25
    I dreamed I was wanted in my Maidenform Bra
    Dress like that next time you go to your kid's soccer game and you can bet there are a bunch of soccer dads who will make your dream come true.
  • I dreamed I played in an all-girl orchestra in my Maidenform Bra 6 of 25
    I dreamed I played in an all-girl orchestra in my Maidenform Bra
    Um, OK.
  • I dreamed I was a work of art in my Maidenform Bra 7 of 25
    I dreamed I was a work of art in my Maidenform Bra
    Your dream is saying one thing, your face is saying something entirely different.
  • I dreamed I made sweet music in my Maidenform Bra 8 of 25
    I dreamed I made sweet music in my Maidenform Bra
    How could you hear anything over the rustling of that skirt?
  • I dreamed I was knockout in my Maidenform Bra 9 of 25
    I dreamed I was knockout in my Maidenform Bra
    You could probably knock somebody out with those things. Does that count?
  • I dreamed I was tickled pink in my Maidenform Bra 10 of 25
    I dreamed I was tickled pink in my Maidenform Bra
    Hey, what you do in your dreams is totally your business.
    No judgments.
  • I dreamed Paris was at my feet in my Maidenform Bra 11 of 25
    I dreamed Paris was at my feet in my Maidenform Bra
    Honey, your feet aren't what's on display in this picture.
  • I dreamed I stopped them in their tracks in my Maidenform Bra 12 of 25
    I dreamed I stopped them in their tracks in my Maidenform Bra
    You sure it wasn't because they wanted a closer look at those pants?
  • I dreamed I was a classic beauty in my Maidenform Bra 13 of 25
    I dreamed I was a classic beauty in my Maidenform Bra
    Lift the toga a little higher and —voila! — only the underwire separates you from the Greek goddesses.
  • I dreamed I swayed the jury in my Maidenform Bra 14 of 25
    I dreamed I swayed the jury in my Maidenform Bra
    Wear that bra to court with no shirt on and all your dreams just might come true.
  • I dreamed I bowled them over in my Maidenform Bra 15 of 25
    I dreamed I bowled them over in my Maidenform Bra
    But ultimately, it was the bow that took her down.
  • I dreamed I was twins in my Maidenform Bra 16 of 25
    I dreamed I was twins in my Maidenform Bra
    Um, OK.
  • I dreamed I walked a tightrope in my Maidenform Bra 17 of 25
    I dreamed I walked a tightrope in my Maidenform Bra
    And that was a good thing?
  • I dreamed I was a trademark in my Maidenform Bra 18 of 25
    I dreamed I was a trademark in my Maidenform Bra
    Um, OK.
  • I dreamed I turned on the magic of Venice in my Maidenform Bra 19 of 25
    I dreamed I turned on the magic of Venice in my Maidenform Bra
    You probably turned something on in that outfit.
  • I dreamed I went to work in my Maidenform Bra 20 of 25
    I dreamed I went to work in my Maidenform Bra
    Most women would call that a nightmare, but, um, OK.
  • I dreamed I took the bull by the horns in my Maidenform Bra 21 of 25
    I dreamed I took the bull by the horns in my Maidenform Bra
    Because you just happened to be out in the pasture in your bra.
  • I dreamed I stoled the show in my Maidenform Bra 22 of 25
    I dreamed I stoled the show in my Maidenform Bra
    That's one to make it.
  • I dreamed I took the cue in my Maidenform Bra 23 of 25
    I dreamed I took the cue in my Maidenform Bra
    It seems likely everyone else probably got the hint.
  • I dreamed I had spring fever in my Maidenform Bra 24 of 25
    I dreamed I had spring fever in my Maidenform Bra
    Stay out there until nightfall and you might just catch a cold.
  • I dreamed I was a toreador in my Maidenform Bra 25 of 25
    I dreamed I was a toreador in my Maidenform Bra
    Looks like it'll be a fair fight between those things and the bull.

All images used with permission from Retronaut.co

More from Meredith on Strollerderby:

Read (even) more from Meredith at Babble’s Toddler Times, follow her on Twitter, and check out her weekly syndicated newspaper column at MeredithCarroll.com


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