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25 Vintage Bra Ads That Will Make You Thankful Your Biggest Problem Is Underwire

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Vintage bra ads
Holy time warp, Batman

One look at these vintage bra ads and you’ll want to French kiss your current bra. And modern-day life.

It’s not like it’s all sunshine and roses for women in 2012, but ladies, thank gawd it’s not 1944-1966, which is when it was apparently neither ironic nor misogynistic nor intentionally hilarious to show women looking and thinking like they do in these Maidenform Bra ads. Sheesh.

Take a look:


  • The Nipple Bra 1 of 25
    The Nipple Bra
    Before we get to the vintage Maidenform Bra ads, think about this: Bras like The Nipple Bra should be a good reminder that bras in general could have always been worse than what you're about to see.
  • Breast Washer 2 of 25
    Breast Washer
    Although this was once available to wash away the memory of some of the contraptions women once strapped around their chests.

    And now, without further ado . . . 22 years of Maidenform Bra ads:
  • I dreamed I got a lift in my Maidenform Bra 3 of 25
    I dreamed I got a lift in my Maidenform Bra
    Honey, chances are, you did.
  • I dreamed I was Venus de Milo in my Maidenform Bra 4 of 25
    I dreamed I was Venus de Milo in my Maidenform Bra
    So you dreamed you were missing both arms? And you're saying that was a dream?
  • I dreamed I was wanted in my Maidenform Bra 5 of 25
    I dreamed I was wanted in my Maidenform Bra
    Dress like that next time you go to your kid's soccer game and you can bet there are a bunch of soccer dads who will make your dream come true.
  • I dreamed I played in an all-girl orchestra in my Maidenform Bra 6 of 25
    I dreamed I played in an all-girl orchestra in my Maidenform Bra
    Um, OK.
  • I dreamed I was a work of art in my Maidenform Bra 7 of 25
    I dreamed I was a work of art in my Maidenform Bra
    Your dream is saying one thing, your face is saying something entirely different.
  • I dreamed I made sweet music in my Maidenform Bra 8 of 25
    I dreamed I made sweet music in my Maidenform Bra
    How could you hear anything over the rustling of that skirt?
  • I dreamed I was knockout in my Maidenform Bra 9 of 25
    I dreamed I was knockout in my Maidenform Bra
    You could probably knock somebody out with those things. Does that count?
  • I dreamed I was tickled pink in my Maidenform Bra 10 of 25
    I dreamed I was tickled pink in my Maidenform Bra
    Hey, what you do in your dreams is totally your business.
    No judgments.
  • I dreamed Paris was at my feet in my Maidenform Bra 11 of 25
    I dreamed Paris was at my feet in my Maidenform Bra
    Honey, your feet aren't what's on display in this picture.
  • I dreamed I stopped them in their tracks in my Maidenform Bra 12 of 25
    I dreamed I stopped them in their tracks in my Maidenform Bra
    You sure it wasn't because they wanted a closer look at those pants?
  • I dreamed I was a classic beauty in my Maidenform Bra 13 of 25
    I dreamed I was a classic beauty in my Maidenform Bra
    Lift the toga a little higher and —voila! — only the underwire separates you from the Greek goddesses.
  • I dreamed I swayed the jury in my Maidenform Bra 14 of 25
    I dreamed I swayed the jury in my Maidenform Bra
    Wear that bra to court with no shirt on and all your dreams just might come true.
  • I dreamed I bowled them over in my Maidenform Bra 15 of 25
    I dreamed I bowled them over in my Maidenform Bra
    But ultimately, it was the bow that took her down.
  • I dreamed I was twins in my Maidenform Bra 16 of 25
    I dreamed I was twins in my Maidenform Bra
    Um, OK.
  • I dreamed I walked a tightrope in my Maidenform Bra 17 of 25
    I dreamed I walked a tightrope in my Maidenform Bra
    And that was a good thing?
  • I dreamed I was a trademark in my Maidenform Bra 18 of 25
    I dreamed I was a trademark in my Maidenform Bra
    Um, OK.
  • I dreamed I turned on the magic of Venice in my Maidenform Bra 19 of 25
    I dreamed I turned on the magic of Venice in my Maidenform Bra
    You probably turned something on in that outfit.
  • I dreamed I went to work in my Maidenform Bra 20 of 25
    I dreamed I went to work in my Maidenform Bra
    Most women would call that a nightmare, but, um, OK.
  • I dreamed I took the bull by the horns in my Maidenform Bra 21 of 25
    I dreamed I took the bull by the horns in my Maidenform Bra
    Because you just happened to be out in the pasture in your bra.
  • I dreamed I stoled the show in my Maidenform Bra 22 of 25
    I dreamed I stoled the show in my Maidenform Bra
    That's one to make it.
  • I dreamed I took the cue in my Maidenform Bra 23 of 25
    I dreamed I took the cue in my Maidenform Bra
    It seems likely everyone else probably got the hint.
  • I dreamed I had spring fever in my Maidenform Bra 24 of 25
    I dreamed I had spring fever in my Maidenform Bra
    Stay out there until nightfall and you might just catch a cold.
  • I dreamed I was a toreador in my Maidenform Bra 25 of 25
    I dreamed I was a toreador in my Maidenform Bra
    Looks like it'll be a fair fight between those things and the bull.

All images used with permission from Retronaut.co

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Read (even) more from Meredith at Babble’s Toddler Times, follow her on Twitter, and check out her weekly syndicated newspaper column at MeredithCarroll.com


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