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Nutsak, Horny, and Other Names My Child Gave Her Toys

By julieminer |

Photo Credit: Chance Agrella

My three-year-old is precious. But she’s also completely nuts. Recently, she has started naming things. It’s sort of a hobby. She names the squirrels in the front yard and the people she sees in cars while sitting at stop lights and of course, she names her toys. And these names are so wrong that they may have come full circle and are now right again.

Or maybe I’m just kidding myself.

The names that she chooses for her toys became so crazy that we started keeping a list. Some of them were funny but some required interventions (I am not above begging) for her to change them. She is disinclined to change a name once she chooses one and the more we argued, the more stubborn she became. Conversely, if we pretended it was no big deal, she would sometimes forget the horrifying moniker and eventually call the toy something else.

I am not even kidding when I say that this child’s penchant for names has publicly humiliated me more than once.

Watch the movie, see for yourself.

Read more from Julie at her blog Rants from MommyLand. Follow Julie on Facebook and Twitter for additional goofy nonsense at no extra charge. You can catch up on her posts for Strollerderby, too – where she is often slightly less stupid.

Also on Babble: Readers share the hilarious names of their kids’ imaginary friends


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About julieminer



Julie W. Miner writes the blog Rants from Mommyland. She has three kids, a long-suffering husband, a very naughty dog and a geriatric, ill-tempered cat. In addition to blogging, she teaches at a college she couldn’t have gotten into because she made bad choices in high school. Read bio and latest posts → Read Julie's latest posts →

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25 thoughts on “Nutsak, Horny, and Other Names My Child Gave Her Toys

  1. Deserving Porcupine says:

    My 3-yr-old likes to name things with some variation of “Rocko.” (I have no idea why.) Some variations aren’t so bad, like Grocko and Mocko. But we get a LOT of things named Cocko and Focko (which sounds much worse when said by a toddler). Sigh.

  2. Gramma Anna says:

    Very funny and creative, indeed!! When my now 40 yr old daughter was about 4 or 5, we were on a hike – pretending to be “quiet as an Indian” (I know, I know – so un-P.C.) She decided we should have Indian names so she called herself, “Little Shit” and me, “Big Shit”. Now – I was young, maybe 23 or 24, recently from the liberal ’60s of hippiedom so i KNEW where she had heard “her” name, thought it was clever AND horrifying that she cane up with these as Indian names!!
    At about 2 or 3 she couldn’t pronounce “fire truck” She put an extra ” f ” on the last word, dropping the “tr” ! And she uttered it as sirens roared by the window during a session with an elderly minister. Several times!

  3. Denise says:

    I love you.

  4. Katie says:

    Haha your video is hilarious. My 2 year old has a cuddly sheep called Baa-baa. We bought a just in case spare, and guess what she called that one…Yep, you guessed it, SPARE Baa-Baa.

  5. Valli says:

    Very, very funny! I think you have a smart kid on your hands.

  6. Celticrai says:

    My daughter, so far, names her toys as she sees them. Her stuffed tiger is named Kitty, her doll is named Baby and so on. But when I was a kid, I gave one of my toys name that, unbeknownst to me a the time, was a terribly racist epitat. My parents were hippies, but we lived in a mostly white, mostly old, farming community. My mother is sure I heard it from one of the neighboring farmers.

  7. The Bearded Iris says:

    HOLY CRAP. This made my day. Nutsak? Crack Rabbit? So so funny. She will be so glad you made this one day. Promise me you’ll play it at her wedding.

  8. LN says:

    OMG!!!! That is the funniest thing, maybe ever! I’m in tears! Thank you so much for sharing this! LOL! :-D
    and you totally have to play this at her wedding!

  9. Rebecca says:

    My boy has a jelly-like frog named Toast. And a snake named Sarist. And a giraffe named ‘raff. And other ridiculous monikers. Yours wins the prize though!

  10. Linda, T.O.O. says:

    lol @ “crack rabbit.” “Horny” and “Nutsak” should get togther.

  11. mandy says:

    Just laughed till I cried! Thank you! My 3 year old names all her dolls, as well. Shantalina is the latest, but so far no nutsaks.

  12. Melissa says:

    This was so flipping hilarious I almost died laughing! Thank you for sharing this…I am still crying from all the laughter!

  13. Lexi says:


  14. sediim says:

    this is a grand start to my day…thank you very much!!! funny story time? when i was five, i wanted to know the “technical” term for a hoo-ha. when i was told it was a vagina, i apparently thought it was “beautiful,” ran to my playroom, and proceeded to name my favorite baby doll Vagina Davis. i suppose it DOES have a nice ring to it, don’t you think?!? from there on out, my parents decided to call “it” a “frog” so as to not call any more baby dolls Vagina. good call, mom and dad…good call.

  15. Q says:

    I nanny for my 2 year old niece. She is still at that stage where most of her speech is jibberish with quite a few real words mixed in. When I first started nannying for her I was very excited and while at Dave and busters one night I cashed in some tickets for a bright pink teddy bear who I named pink bear (figured it was easy enough for her to remember even though she was about 4 months old when I gave it to her) Pink bear is her favorite of her toys and at times she calls him mister pink bear baby man.

  16. J. says:

    I am laughing so hard! My daughter, also three, names everything as well. But they are usually just thing like “fala” and “mitsy”. The most unique is the scraggly doll named “mut”. Crack rabbit and Nutsak made me laugh till I cried!

  17. Sixtine says:

    My now 12 year old daughter got a beautiful sheepdog stuffed animal when she was 2. He was like, well, almost Muppet quality. Very realistic. She promptly name him Arfy. Over time things happened to Arfy. Terrible things. He started to smell not so good. And look not very good. So we bought a replacement, whom she name “Good Arfy.” However she refused to give up “old” Arfy, who then became “Stinky Arfy.” She would not sleep without them. Good Arfy had a spill, so to avoid another stinky Arfy, I washed him. But it was bedtime! We needed Good Arfy immediately. So I threw him in the dryer. Know what happens to a nice longhaired sheepdog in the dryer? His fur half-melts into little balls. So now poor, clean, Good Arfy, was then re-dubbed “Curly Arfy.” A couple years later my mother came across another Arfy, and he was named “Brand New Arfy.” Since at this point she was now about 7, Brand New stayed pretty clean. The Arfies became interchangeable and no longer needed to travel in a pack. For sleepovers, it was “Which Arfy do you want?” The original, Stinky was NEVER recommended but usually chosen. I actually miss those Arfies.

  18. Samira says:

    lol to sedim sounds a little like a porn star or something

  19. Dave Hampton says:

    Sorry, makes me wonder just who she’s been around and what these people are saying. Sorry. Not funny.

  20. Nikki says:

    Hilarious! My kiddo loves to make up inappropriate words too for example, vagination (This word is a verb “The vaginations of this car scare me mama!” or Dikes (completely innocent I swear!) who is an imaginary friend. “Dikes is coming over for dinner tonight”. Um ya!

  21. Celia says:

    Crack Rabbit. I love it. Makes total sense if you are a kid! My daughter made up the most unusual names for her dolls and animals too. I do not remember them all but one of her dolls is called “Pants.”

  22. K says:

    Hahaha I loved this! She is so cute and creative!! Loved ‘crack rabbit’!! My elder son loved Thomas the trains and for a while Percy was his favorite, but he couldn’t say PER-CY, so he would call him PUH-CY….yeah. “Mommy I Love Puh-cy! Puh-cy is my favorite! Mommy, do you love Puh-cy??” whenever he’d meet someone new, first question “Do you like Puh-cy?” OMG!!! Wasn’t I so, so grateful when he moved on to Cars…LOL Love these kids. Always making me laugh : )

  23. Sandra says:

    My 2.5 yr old has a gecko beanie toy who goes by the name of…iPhone. Funny, since we are an android family.

  24. Amanda says:

    Oh goodness! I thought this was ABSOLUTELY hilarious! My son is 2 and beginning to get into the phase of saying embarassing things…so this really made me laugh! :)

  25. felicia says:

    i laughed so hard at the video i cried and woke my hubby up…laughing at the comments didnt help him sleep any better lol

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