Okay, so there’s a headline that might get your attention. Momlogic put up this article in which they really want to convince you that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are FREAKS (you know, in the realm of sex). It would seem the several hundred children the Duggars produced at least imply they have a passing interest in sex. And you could end it right there. But Momlogic throws down 5 whole reasons we should think about how much the Duggars like doin’ it. Like a lot. All the time. Unabashedly. And with their kids’ knowledge.
So here are those reasons, as promised and now delivered.
Momlogic’s Top 5 Duggar Sex “Facts”
1) Michelle Duggar can get her groove on.
When you’ve got 18 people calling you Mom, focusing on sex can be a challenge. To get in the mood, does Michelle Duggar work herself into a catatonic state? Is that catatonic state called “sleep”?
2) The Duggars love pregnant sex.
How do we know? Well, the average gap between Duggar pregnancies is 18 months. Guess Mr. Duggar doesn’t mind getting sprayed with breast milk every time he touches his wife’s breasts/feeding stations during foreplay. Hope he’s not lactose intolerant!
3) Duggar sex is quiet sex.
Eighteen kids equals 36 ears — all listening. Michelle’s probably not screaming out Jim Bob’s name during orgasm — otherwise 18 lights instantly go on — and the Duggar electric bill skyrockets.
4) Duggar sex is at night.
You can bet the Duggars aren’t grabbing any “afternoon delight” with 18 kids milling around the house asking for help with homework, to kiss a boo-boo, or who simply need to “latch on” to Mom. Nope, no quickies in the kitchen for the Duggars. The only time they can have sex is under the covers — under the cover of darkness.
5) Duggar kids know where babies come from.
They come from the bedroom. Every time Ma and Pa Duggar get behind closed doors, odds are you get a new sibling.
There now, the Duggar sex freak conspiracy is blown open wide. The Duggars are sexual folks (in so much as they like it).
And what have we learned? Well, two or three of those reasons are the same reason, which is the Duggar kids are abundantly aware that their parents are doing it and will probably continue to do so for some time. Also the Duggars may or may not incorporate breast milk into foreplay (yikes) and they probably don’t get freaky in spontaneous place like the kitchen or the “Rumpus Room” because of, you know, the three hundred kids scurrying everywhere.
In the end, I think this list is kind of funny, frightening and obvious. But what really disturbs me of this picture they used of Jim Bob and Michelle.
I’m glad they’re married, because otherwise I’d feel obligated yell “Stranger Danger” because I think that scary man is about to devour someone’s mommy.
I need an adult!!!