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6 Reasons He Wants to Leave You at Home for the Night

By hismrshermr |

“Wanna Get Away?”

Every month my husband and his friends get together for a “guys’ night.” Much like I can count on the sun rising and setting each day; I can count on guys’ night. Each month I find myself having mixed emotions regarding his excitement as well as commitment to this time with his friends. He and the guys plan an outing and end up getting together and going out while us wives stay at home caring for our children.

A part of me is happy for him. He loves being with his friends and often comes home in the best mood; not to mention I can always convince him to stop and bring me a treat on the way home. Then there’s the other part of me; the part that is annoyed that we seem to differ on what is a reasonable time for him to return home. I also get slightly jealous because I wish my friends and I were better about pulling ourselves away at least for a little bit and scheduling our time to get together. Even more so, I wish my husband was just as excited to spend time with me as he is to hang out with his friends.

Recently I asked several men why they feel that they “need” to have guys’ night out. I wondered why hanging out with their families or as couples didn’t result in the same level of excitement and anticipation as guys’ night did. They were all quite candid in their responses with the exception of my husband. He was quiet. Perhaps he felt it was in his best interest not to respond.

Several of the men that I received feedback from have requested not to have their identities revealed. They realize that after their wife reads this post they might be in for a long night or their answers may come back to haunt them later. At any rate, see what they had to say about going out with just the guys after the jump!

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Why Married Men Like Going Out

"Guys need time to just be guys."

Guys want to be able to be their complete selves and believe that they can't do that around us. They have to think twice when it comes to what they say. After all, we wives do not forget. They "don't want to get in trouble" or "start anything."

 

Special thanks to Aaron, Michael, and the rest of you guys, who shall remain nameless, who shared your perspective on guys’ night.

What are your thoughts ladies? Does your significant other go out with friends and leave you behind?

 

 

Photo Source: iStockPhoto

 

Read more from Krishann on her personal blog His Mrs. Her Mr. Krishann is also a contributor for The Conversation and The Conscious Perspective. Follow her on Twitter and Pinterest.

 

More from Krishann on Strollerderby:

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10 Tips for Making Postpartum Sex More Comfortable

Test-Driving with Children: 10 Tips for Dating with Children

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About hismrshermr

hismrshermr

hismrshermr

Krishann Briscoe is a child welfare professional turned freelancer with a passion for writing and dessert. Krishann writes for Babble and at her personal blog, His Mrs. Her Mr. She is also a contributor for Disney Baby. Krishann resides in Southern California with her husband and their two daughters. Read bio and latest posts → Read hismrshermr's latest posts →

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18 thoughts on “6 Reasons He Wants to Leave You at Home for the Night

  1. Maria says:

    Krishann, you know how I feel. “Daddy needs a break.” I don’t mind if Jamaal goes out with the guys and has a good time, afterall, I go out and do my own thing. I don’t hang out with “my girls” or go clubbing or nothing like that but I enjoy alone time, such as shopping, eating and maybe going to the movies by myself. Guys will make up any excuse in the book to go and hang out. You said they go out on a monthly basis and it really gets your hubby in a good mood. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that as long as he/they get home at a reasonable time. I also feel you on the excitemnt part. They should be just as excited for date night with us!
    We need to focus on girl’s night out as we previously planned :-) We need to get our own monthly meet up going.

  2. Gib says:

    What’s this “get home at a reasonable time” stuff? Who decides what’s reasonable? What does it matter? Do you need you husband to be back before you go to bed or something? If he’s allowed home 10 minutes after you go to bed, what difference does it make to you if he’s home 4 hours after you go to bed?

    “Guys will make up any excuse in the book to go and hang out.” It’s more like women will make up any excuse or emotional blackmail to make the husband stay home!!

    Before he got married, your husband used to go out with his friends all the time. He loves you and wants to spend time with you, which is why he spends more than 90% of this nights with you, and goes out with his friends about 10% of the times that he used to. Give the guy a break!!!!

  3. hismrshermr says:

    @Maria Agreed! We can learn a thing or two from the guys! I think it’s great you take time out for you. That is an area that for me needs some improvement.
    @Gib I don’t have an issue with him going out. I was just interested in the guys perspective knowing how important it is to them. As for time I can’t imagine being out all night especially while my family is at home. He gets plenty of breaks and has a standing break with the guys monthly :)

  4. Krystal says:

    I think for the new year we should have “ladies nite”! At least every other month. My husband doesn’t go out at all and maybe this will prompt him to go out with the guys more often. I am volunteering to propose the First Ladies night! Details to follow!! :)

  5. Gib says:

    Hismrshermr, it sounds like you think he should be home at a time that you would be home if you were him. You wouldn’t want to be out late while your family is at home, and so he shouldn’t either…. ?

    I don’t understand that point of view at all…. If he wants to be out late, what’s the problem, unless there’s something useful at home he should be doing?

  6. Andrea says:

    I don’t get what the issue is here. Sometimes my husband goes out with his friends. A few times, he has gone away for the weekend with his friends. I go out with my friends sometimes, too. I have been away to visit friends. Nor does he (or I) have a curfew. Going out with couples, spending time together, and family time is all important too, but once a month does not sound like a big deal.

  7. Rosana says:

    I wish my husband would have a night out with the guys once a month.

  8. Linda, T.O.O. says:

    Everyone should have some time to hang with their friends.

  9. hismrshermr says:

    @Gib @Andrea there is no issue. And once a month IS small in comparison to all the days we spend with him. I simply wanted to get their perspective as to why they feel that they “need” to get out. For a lot of my friends it is something that we “want” to do but we don’t make it a priority the way many of our husbands do. We struggle to pull ourselves away from our children or sometimes are just too exhausted. There are so many reasons.
    Andrea I think it is great that you take the time to do things with friends and even travel. You are right couple time and family time is important as is individual time and spending time with your friends too.
    As for curfews my husband and I don’t have them either. I don’t expect my husband to be home the same time I would but I do have my own opinions as to what is considered “reasonable”. As long as he has the energy to get up the next morning as opposed to catching up on all the sleep he missed out on we are good :)
    @Rosana perhaps you could use a break?! :)

  10. Andrea says:

    Maybe I don’t need to go to a bar once a month or clubbing, but I do need to spend time with friends without husband or child. I think many mothers may not think of this as a need, but once you start regularly going out with out your kids, you realize that you do need this time to reconnect with your independent adult self. But I am getting from your reply that maybe you are your husband don’t go out together either?

  11. hismrshermr says:

    @Andrea you are right and I appreciate you saying that. I love the way you framed it!! Thank you for that. We haven’t gone out together just the two of us since I had our baby but we are working on planning something! I have had a hard time pulling myself away for a little bit since she is still so small but it is important that he and I have some time together too not to mention I do need to reconnect with me also (both things you will be able to read about here in the weeks to come!).
    @Linda Very true!

  12. Christy says:

    It really bugs me when we act like needing time alone or with friends is a special male thing. While I find labels like “boys night” almost as gag-inducing as “man cave” I have no problem with my husband going out with his friends. Some girlfriends and I have a weekly craft night, which is sometimes a real craft extravaganza and is sometimes more of a wine and conversation night, but it recharges us to deal with our husbands, jobs, kids, and other obligations.

    Women are often more self-sacrificing than men, but I do think we also often put it on ourselves. The men in my life are happy to stay home with the kids to give their wives a little recharge time, we just have to ask them. As you mention in your post, there is a little envy that he and his friends so easily put family obligations aside to hang out. I think it’s important for we wives to do the same. We’re happier, more thankful, more supportive, and more amorous partners when we’ve had a little break. We are more patient mothers. And I think it’s beneficial to our husbands to give them the chance to step in and support us in this small but meaningful way. Nights away bless you both. So call up your girlfriends and put a monthly night out on the calendar!

  13. hismrshermr says:

    @Christy weekly craft night sounds fun! My friends and I have attempted to plan things but our plans seem to have been falling through lately but, we are going to make it happen! Many of us have husbands who are willing to take care of the little ones but we often would rather just do it ourselves. Us getting out IS beneficial to our family not just us. Well said :) Thank you for your comment!

  14. Tracey says:

    I totally get what you’re saying. i feel the same way. My husband goes out with his friends twice a week, Tues and Fri nights and most friday nights would come home around 2am. If he has his wish, he would want to go out and hang out with his friends on the weekends too. He wants to have total freedom to do what he wants, when he wants it… I am struggling to give him his “freedom” …but what is reasonable?

  15. Lonely 1 says:

    @Tracey I understand completely what u saying. My husband usually comes in around 2am. Which I don’t mind him going out. My problem is he leaves the house at 12 in the afternoon and doesn’t come back until 2am. And when his friends call he’s overly excited when he’s out with me we have nothing to talk about he plays on his phone the hold time falls asleep in the movies it’s like we have nothing in common anymore we’ve been together for 15 years and married for 8.

  16. Rebecca says:

    Wow I wish my husband would only go out once a month with his boys! He goes out almost 3 times a week sometimes and doesn’t come home til 3am! We have baby together and another on the way and he still has not got it together. And when do I ever go out? The answer is never. I am too busy being a mom and apparently my husband is too busy to ever make time to watch our daughter for me. Trust me. You have nothing to worry about if your husband is only going out once a month. That is actually very normal and I can only wish it was that way for me!

  17. gita says:

    My husband has cheated on me on and offline for 8 yrs. He disrespects me. Demands that i pay daycare and my bills which i am. Asked me to put all my investments my house my money in his indian bank. His family say that too. I am not stupid so i dont. He earns 3x more and asked me to give him money monthly. I dont. He doesnt like me to dress up and look good. He controls my dressing. I dont listen coz ii dress decently. He critizises my cooking but eats like pig. He says he wants me and the kids whenever I decide to leave. But he still hurts me. He always leaves the house. So I have left him too coz he needs to know I can leave too. We have two boys 14 and 3. I have tried talking softly. Throwing his stuffs out and slapping him. Almost everything. We keep patching back coz I dont know what he thinks but I know kids need a full circle of family not broken. Recently I stopped talking to him for a month. He went out every weekend from 7pm to 6 am. Then he spoke and said he wants me and again blew cold for a week. Eve of valentines day he bought roses and just gave me without saying a word. On Valentine’s day he wore red and spoke just to say I will buy dinner and I am going out with some guys. I said are sure ? They are all married and arent they celebrating with their families? I was also sick with flu. After I confronted him he didnt go. But he hurt me with words again. He helped me shower my toddler. The only reason I am still here are my boys.
    Please advice.
    Thanks.

  18. mattie says:

    think its funny how you state “just be themselves” Seriously, if they cant be themselves with you…who are they when their out?
    and a womans emotions and “truth”…I find it an excuse to just relive the “glory days of single life and to oogle women”
    If you really need a break a time to get away…I’d say LEAVE!
    Funny how you state, fear of what they say will come back and haunt them. This whole piece makes men sound like little 5yr olds who have to hide the truth, in thoughts and words and deeds!

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