9 Horrifying Gifts to Avoid Buying Your Wife for Valentine’s Day
What woman wouldn't want wings served by a waitress in a tight t-shirt instead of a ring for Valentine's Day? Oh, right. NO woman, that's who.
Note to my husband: When I said I didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day other than a card inside of a dry envelope (you know, which means you wrote in the card and sealed the envelope more than 30 seconds before handing it to me), I meant it.
And what that really means is that I really just want a card.
And what that really means, too, is that you should not get me any of these for Valentine’s Day. Because if you do, you will then be required to buy out an entire Hallmark store and write a note in each and every card for all of our Valentine’s Days thereafter — as a punishment.
Oh, wait. If you get me any of these for Valentine’s Day, we actually won’t be spending Valentine’s Days together, or any other days together, after this one.
A note to all husbands and boyfriends: Try to do better than these for Valentine’s Day. It really shouldn’t be too hard.
Check out 9 spectacular Valentine fails after the jump (a special thanks to HappyPlace.com for compiling the images):
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Roaches
When you want to tell me it'll last forever, say it with a roach.
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Hockey
At least individual tickets are on sale. You know, so when you take me to the game this year, you know you'll be able to go alone — when you're single — next year.
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Bedwetting
Get me something from this store and you won't have to worry about bedwetting because you'll be sleeping alone.
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Anti-Fungal Cream
That's what jumped off the page to me, at least. That, and Butt Aid.
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Shooting Session
Did you get all tingly down there, too, when you imagined us wearing goggles and noise-canceling headphones, and with our fingers just dripping with gun powder?
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Wings
By all means, if you can't get me a ring, then let's ogle girls in tight shirts together. Seems like an acceptable substitute.
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Sliders
I'll grab the plastic tray, you wipe the dried ketchup off the chair that's attached to the table. Wheee! There's that tingly feeling again!
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Weapons
If you get me this for Valentine's Day, there will be blood, indeed.
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Waffles
Let's profess our undying love for each other by eating our way into an early grave together. So romantic!
All images courtesy of HappyPlace.com. To see the full set of insanely bad Valentine’s gift images, go here.
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I am obsessed with the show ‘Hoarders’, so I actually could see my husband naming a roach for me, and I would probably be tickled. But I agree that this is probably not the kind of gift you want to get for just anyone.
Hey I would love Hockey tickets for Valentines day and so would a lot of women I know. Gender stereotype much Babble?
Shooting guns? Sounds fun! Way better than being rushed through an overpriced “romantic” dinner.
Ah, I love 99 Cents Only! It cracks me up that condoms made both the “good choice” and “bad choice, but still a great deal” lists.
Oh also… I could TOTALLY see my husband taking me for a special romantic dinner at Waffle House. We have a local Waffle House where we eat so often that we are friendly with the waitstaff. (Hey, it’s cheap and child-friendly!) If they had this Valentine’s Day event at our special Waffle House we would probably go. I don’t think Waffle House is early grave territory more than any other Valentine’s Day food is likely to be, BTW; the nicest restaurant in our area has a delicious sounding four-course menu that includes bacon, foie gras, steak or butter poached crab, cheesecake or a hot chocolate souffle. All far classier than Waffle House, but I bet you’d leave having eaten twice the calories and fat (and having spent ten times the money)!
@Meagan — I don’t speak for Babble. I speak for me. (Although I do speak ON Babble.)
@Diera — Good point.
Ummm…shooting range followed by romantic dinner at The Waffle House?? Best. Hilariously. Awesome. Valentine’s Day. Ever. I would love my husband even more if he planned a night like that!! I don’t like Valentine’s Day but I would love the heck out of THIS Valentine’s Day!!!
I would go shooting! As for dinner, we try and avoid the Valentine’s craziness and wait a couple of weeks.
What’s wrong with hockey tickets?
@Linda — I hate hockey! HATE. I’d rather get a bikini wax than sit through a hockey game.