This is going to make me sound positively ancient, I know. But I stumbled upon this article in the New York Times about some of the crazy locker accessories all the “cool kids” are buying forcing their parents to buy and I was blown away.
For instance: a $26 chandelier? I can buy one for my actual dining room for that much from Home Depot!
According to the NY Times:
At middle schools across the country, metal lockers that were long considered decorated if they had photos of friends or the teen heartthrob of the moment — Shaun Cassidy years ago, Justin Bieber today — have suddenly become the latest frontier in nesting.
Peek inside, and find lockers outfitted with miniature furry carpets, motion-sensor-equipped lamps that glow when the door opens, mirrors, decorative flowers, and magnetic wallpaper in floral and leopard-print patterns.
I don’t understand. Wouldn’t that just get in the way of the stuff you’re supposed to keep in your locker? “It is hard to say whether retailers have merely capitalized on or actually created demand among girls for the accessories” the New York Times says. My guess? The latter.
Seriously, what’s next, locker-sized flat screen televisions? DVD players? I mean, when I was a kid I had to walk uphill both ways to get to my locker and chandeliers were something my grandma had in the dining room we only used twice a year…
What I’m saying is my locker was my locker. Sure I may have taped up a couple photos of Brad Pitt (man, I’ve loved him for half my life, at this point) or my boyfriend for that week and, of course, the obligatory photo booth shots with my best friend, but that was it. Now they’re marketing lockers like apartments. Check out this Design Your Own Locker page, for crying out loud. Also, it’s just another way to separate the kids that come from money from the rest of the pack. Ain’t no way in hell my mom was buying me locker lights or any of that crap.
To prove my point about the locker madness check out just a few things that are on the market. Seriously, would you buy your kid a chandelier or any of the other stuff you’re about to see? Am I just naive about the ways of the tweens and teens because my kids are still in diapers?
Locker Chandelier 1 of 10
I absolutely cannot get over this. You can nab yourself one of these fancy chandeliers for $26 on lockerlookz.com .
Locker Lights 2 of 10
These battery-powered locker lights are sold on PBteen.com for $15. I admit I think they're kinda cool.
Locker Lamp 3 of 10
The pink zebra locker lamp retails for $20.99 on Lockerlookz.com. You can also purchase it in white with purple dots or black and white scroll. Because, you know, you totally, like, need mood lighting in between classes and stuff.
Shag Carpeting 4 of 10
When I was a kid I considered it a score if a parent of a friend had a spare scrap of dirty carpet in their garage leftover from when they replaced their carpeting.
This rug retails for $9.99 and comes in a variety of colors on Lockerlookz.com
Matchy Mirror 5 of 10
A mirror ain't no great shakes and this one isn't particularly expensive. I just threw it in here to show you how everything is all matchy-matchy now and if your kid somehow gets you to buy the mirror you're only a few steps away from the matching carpet and chandelier.
Matching Magnet 6 of 10
Again, not so bad. It's just a magnet. But lumped in with all the rest of your kid's locker accessories and you'll be shelling out around $100 to decorate. According to Lockerlookz.com you should "add sparkle with a fun jeweled flower. 5 cool colors with matching center jewel. Super strong magnets to stay on your locker...designed to look great with LockerLookz wallpaper, rugs and accessories."
Fashion Bin 7 of 10
This is called a fashion bin over on lockerlookz.com. I'm not really sure what it's for but all the cool kids have one, don't you know?
Wallpaper. Yes, I said WALLPAPER… For lockers. 8 of 10
A cool Andrew Jackson ($20) will get you this wallpaper. You have to check out all the options over here. It'll blow your mind. You kid's locker will look better than your bedroom.
Dry Erase Board 9 of 10
Again, this is a purchase I would actually make. I put it here so you could see how fashion conscious this mini marketing industry has become. Check out all the options on lockerlookz.com. I think that's how they get you. One second you're buying a reasonable dry erase board and the next second you've got a chandelier because it matches.
Locker Skin 10 of 10
Apparently I'm WAY out of the loop. These locker skins have been around for a while and at seven bucks I'd totally buy my kid one of these. They even have happy birthday ones you can use to decorate a friend's locker. Fun! See? I'm not a total misanthrope.