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A Custom-Built Movieplex for Mommy and Me

Steven Zeitchik, film blogger for the LA Times, suggests that any day now Movieplex’s everywhere may be filled solely with family-friendly fare.  The latest kid flicks, Toy Story 3 and The Karate Kid, both had huge opening weekends at the box office.  “It’s impossible not to notice a trend in all this: Families are the ones going to the movies these days. Perhaps the only ones,” he says.

Zeitchik notes that “almost every big hit among the 2010 releases has been a movie whose primary, if not overwhelming, audience is children 12 and under.  Movies like How to Train Your Dragon, Shrek Forever After and Alice in Wonderland were all hits.  So what of the notion of a families-only movieplex?  I say, why not?! 

Several movie theatres around the country are offering “Mommy and Me” showings of films like Twilight Eclipse and Eat Pray Love.  Couple a few low-action, plot-heavy films grown-ups with newborns are dying to see with movies like Despicable Me, and you could make a fortune!  And while I’m designing my own custom-built movie theatre, let’s add the leather recliners, alcoholic beverage service and Sugar Cane Shrimp Skewers offered by National Amusements at their Cinema De Lux locations. 

Like Madeline’s kids, I think movies in the theatre are too loud, so the sound will have to be just right.  And no showing movies with too many jump cuts – I hate that.  No more 3D movies, either!  My 4-year-old refuses to keep her glasses on during them.  I’m not paying $10 so you can watch blur for 2 hours! 

What is the obsession with 3D movies, anyway?  Last night, I saw a commercial for Sony 3D TVs, and I thought, wow.  If you want three-dimensional entertainment that badly, how about going to see a play?  Watch a live sporting event.  Talk to the people around you.  The ad, starring Justin Timberlake and Payton Manning, features them walking around in 3D glasses, ogling all the latest technology Sony has to offer.  At the end, the celebs remove their geek-ray specs and fall down flat in 2D, followed by the tagline, “After this, nothing looks as good.”

There may be some truth to that statement.  In the same way that Smartphones are re-wiring our brains, 3D movies are making real life pale in comparison.  (Remember the wave of people who felt depressed after watching Avatar?)  Maybe I’ll take all the imaginary money I was using to create my pretend movie theatre and use it to fund a make-believe spa instead.

Photo: eye of einstein via Flickr

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