Adult Babies Make Me Reach for My Burp ClothJohn Cave Osborne
Stanley Thornton’s pretty much your average guy, really. Well, except for the fact that the 29-year-old spends half his life pretending to be an infant, that is. See, when Stanley gets home from a long day of work, he likes to hop into his favorite footies, suck on a pacifier and get busy with some legos. While many of us sit in our favorite chair and read the paper, he’s more likely to sit in a custom-built highchair and eat a bowl of apple sauce.
Who serves it to him? OH. Right. A former nurse named Sandra Diaz, that’s who. And Sandra’s pretty much your average gal, really. Well, except for the fact that she spends half her life pretending to be the mom of a some 29-year-old guy who’s pretending to be an infant.
Apparently there’s a whole gaggle of such folks. You know. Adults who pretend to be babies. They’re called (get this) adult babies. And you might be surprised to learn of the extremes to which they’re willing to go to live the infant life.
I first learned of “adult babies” yesterday on Jezebel thanks to Tracie Egan Morrissey. It turns out that adult babies were featured on the show, Taboo, that aired night before last on National Geographic TV. At first I thought it was a joke, but I quickly learned it was anything but. In fact, Stanley goes to great lengths to accommodate his peculiar (word choice, word choice…) lifestyle.
His highchair is a great example. Apparently it was a project that took a year and a half to complete. But that’s not the only DIY project his peculiar (word choice, word choice…) lifestyle has required. Virtually his entire nursery had to be constructed, including his crib.
Stanley feels the effort was well worth it:
There’s nothing else like…waking up in a crib. You wake up as a child and can continue from there and it’s easy to stay in the same mindset.
And he appears to do just that. Stay in the same mindset, that is, as Stanley spends much of his time rocking a rather large diaper (no word on the extent to which he uses that diaper) while sucking on a pacifier and playing with toys you’d find in your typical nursery.
Did I mention Stanley drinks from a bottle? And uses a baby voice? (Which is a particularly nice touch, for what it’s worth.)
It turns out that Stanley’s peculiar (word choice, word choice…) lifestyle isn’t as rare as you might think. It’s a condition known as infantilism. For many it’s a sexual fetish. (What? I thought it was just a peculiar lifestyle!) But Stanley insists that’s not the case with him.
You’re [pretending to be a baby] to relax. You come home from work and, you know, you change into baby mode and, you know, you put away all your adult stuff. Everything gets on hold.
The whole story has left me with two primary thoughts. First, as a guy who’s about to have his fifth child, I can’t imagine that pretending to be a baby could ever relax anyone. Pretending to be a turtle? Or an eagle soaring through the sky? Maybe. But a helpless baby who lies awake screaming half the night and requires an inordinate amount of time and energy to care for? I guess I just don’t get it.
My second thought on the matter is much more succinct.
What do you think about Stanley’s peculiar (word choice, word choice…) lifestyle?