All the Single Ladies: 13 Frightening Tips on How to Snag a Man (in 1938, Anyway)
Tip #10: Don't get sloppy drunk, because then you might violate Tip #8 (heaven forbid!)
Boy, am I glad I found someone to marry me. It’s rough out there. At least I assume it is (I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, so I wouldn’t really know, but I still kind of know, you know?).
I don’t think dating is or has ever been really easy. But I’m just grateful to not be doing it anymore, and I’m certainly thankful that I wasn’t dating in 1938. The tips single women got then to not be single anymore? F-r-i-g-h-t-e-n-i-n-g. What’s even scarier? Some of the tips kind of hold up today.
Check out this little photo guide for single women to land a husband in 1938 (think of it as The Rules: The Early Years). Times have changed, but have they really changed? Yeah, no. And, uh, ugh (all images courtesy of Retronaut.co):
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DO YOUR DRESSING
...in your boudoir to keep your allure. Be ready to go when he arrives; don't keep him waiting. Greet him with a smile
Wow, men used to pick up women on dates! That probably meant they had cars, which meant they had jobs, which meant they probably didn't live with their parents. Seems like the men of 1938 have at least one thing on the men of 2012 (from what I read, anyway). -
MEN DON'T LIKE
...girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge them with lipstick. Makeup in privacy, not where he sees you.
And women don't like handkerchiefs. Can you say germs? -
DON'T SIT IN AWKWARD POSITIONS
...and never look bored, even if you are. Be alert, and if you must chew gum (not advised), do it silently, mouth closed.
Maybe she wouldn't look so bored if he didn't look so boring (and inexplicably angry). -
CARELESS WOMEN
...never appeal to gentlemen. Don't talk while dancing, for when a man dances he wants to dance.
Yes, heaven forbid you try to have fun while dancing. Dancing, after all, is serious business. -
IF YOU NEED
...a brassiere, wear one. Don't tug at your girdle, and be careful you're stockings are not wrinkled.
Well, that's something that hasn't changed in 74 years: Ladies, by all means, if you need a bra, wear one. -
DON'T USE THE CAR MIRROR
...to fix your makeup. Man needs it in driving, and it annoys him very much to have to turn around to see what's behind him.
Don't annoy your dates, ladies! Heaven forbid! -
DON'T BE FAMILIAR
...with your escort by caressing him in public. Any open show of affection is in bad taste, usually embarrasses or humiliates him.
Actually, it just kind of depends on where you caress him, no? That hasn't changed, has it? -
DON'T BE SENTIMENTAL
...or try to get him to say something he doesn't want to by working on his emotions. Men don't like tears, especially in public places.
Yeah, that's pretty much still true today. -
DON'T BE FAMILIAR
...with the headwaiter talking about the fun you had with someone else another time. Men deserve, desire your entire attention.
Translation: Don't let on that you're a slut. -
DON'T TALK ABOUT CLOTHES
...or try to describe your new gown to a man. Please and flatter your date by talking about the things he wants to talk about.
Well, not much has changed there, either, ladies. Am I right? -
DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH
...as a man expects you to keep your dignity all evening. Drinking may make some girls seem clever, but most get silly.
So true. So, so true. Then and now. -
DON'T BE CONSPICUOUS
...talking to other men. The last straw is to pass out from too much liquor. Chances are your date will never call you again!
But if you're lucky, maybe the guy from the next table who didn't mind that you were too familiar with him will call you for a date. -
UNLESS
...passing out from too much liquor is your strategy to ensure he (you know, the easily bored, offended, annoyed and prudish guy) never calls you again? In that case, bottoms up!
All images courtesy of Retronaut.co
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I love the picture of her passed out. also: I think it always is the best policy to avoid sticking your finger in anyone’s ear, ever.
lol Well I can say I broke nearly all of those rules and still my husband and I have been happily together for four years, married for one. I guess it was just the luck of the draw?
I love this! With a few modern tweaks, these tips still hold true today. Like my Grandma Vera would say, “men will always be men.”
And yes, the men of 1938 absolutely had many better qualities than the boys of 2012.
Maybe I’m old-fashioned… okay, Im definitely old fashioned, but these sound very reasonable.. simply put, be decent, not self absorbed, and dont be a drama queen.. nothing wrong w/ that.. I agree w/ Ahlea (btw, love your grandmothers name.. Vera is the name we have picked if we ever have a girl..)
these all seem reasonable, basically just be polite. I think they’re meant for the first few dates, not when you know them better.
I actually agree with them! And not just for a date; if I was hanging out with a friend, I would expect him/her to follow many of these as well.
Haha I like them I think they are totally dead on for today even the subtle ones like keeping your girly stuff private. However, one correction to the translantion of “Unless” I think the magazine means unless passing and doing all these other things was a way of just going out with guy for the free dinner-no strings attached-that the guys in the photo is currently writting the check for.
“Wow, men used to pick up women on dates! That probably meant they had cars, which meant they had jobs, which meant they probably didn’t live with their parents. Seems like the men of 1938 have at least one thing on the men of 2012 (from what I read, anyway).”
Is that really that rare? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I’ve always considered having a job as a prerequisite for even asking a woman out.
Ladies, it may seem anti-feminist to ask what kind of job a man asking you out has, but really, it’s just a good first step to make sure you aren’t dating a schlub. If they’re unemployed and asking women out, then they’re over-grown man-children looking for someone to take care of them. This would seem to be common sense.
What is she doing to that guy in the next booth? Looking for head lice? The message in all of these is: “Don’t talk about yourself, don’t express an opinion, don’t have any flaws….cuz God forbid you should be without a MAN!!”. Unfortunately, lots of women still think that the only way to be happy is to be with someone. You can be miserable and lonely with a person, as well. In fact, that’s worse.
Re the last photo of her “passed out”. Love the way Mr. Wonderful is still intent on figuring out his 5% tip; and is the “head waiter” rejoycing or angry? Dang, those head waiters….riddles wrapped in enigmas, wrapped in cheap suits. Great article..thanks for making me laugh and be even more glad I’m single.
i think the guy photographed as the date is hot as shit.
Rule #14 Sadie…Do not refer to your date as human excrement!
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