“I’m not gluten free but I like gluten-free food.” That’s a quote from Gwyneth Paltrow’s eldest child, Apple, in Paltrow’s new cookbook, My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipies Celebrating Family and Togetherness. We already know Paltrow (who, despite her obliviousness, I admit I have a soft spot for) to be totally obnoxious when it comes to her holier-than-thou approach to – ahem – “working” motherhood. If you’ve read her online magazine GOOP, you’re aware that Paltrow pays homage to the average working mom by flaunting her $3,606.50/day lifestyle in what Videogum’s Gabe Delahaye describes as a “faux-populist” style.
Eater reviewed the cookbook this week, saying, “We can go on and on how this is a vanity project from a rich person completely unafraid to casually boast about her life of privilege.” Instead, they chose to cull their favorite quotes from the book. Here are a few of them, along with some hilarious commentary by the always irreverent MK of dlisted:
GP: “One year I was given a birthday present I’ll never forget — a cooking lesson from Jamie Oliver.”
MK: I’m surprised she didn’t lie and say “Ina Garten” to really stick it to that heartbroken sick boy.
GP: “I’m not sure how healthy bacon is in general, but I know it’s incredibly delicious.”
MK: There’s an especially lonely bacon-free place in the depths of Hell for anybody who gives bacon a back-handed compliment.
GP: “One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn’t thought of dessert.”
MK: That one is from the chapter titled: “Being a rich white lady is hard.”
Visit dlisted for more LOLz at Gwynny’s expense, including an especially funny quip about Chris Martin and a hot dog bun. Eater not only has more unbelievable quotes to make you roll your eyes (“Could I use some butter and cheese and eggs in my cooking without going down some kind of hippie shame spiral? Yes. Of course I could.”), they also have some really beautiful photographs of really beautiful photographs of a really beautiful blonde woman making really beautiful pasta from scratch with her really beautiful blonde children.
If you’re the kind of woman who thinks it’s a good idea to sit on the floor with your kids and let them help you make sweet potato ravioli, then God Bless You. Hurry up and buy this book because it’ll be your new cooking bible. As for me? I’m off to get lunch at the deli. BLT on a roll for my baby and me! Hold the Vegenaise, please.