Authoritative Parents Raise Healthy, Successful Kids
We’ve all heard that children in families who eat meals together are more likely to do well in school, but “only half of American families eat together three to five times a week,” the MinnPost reports.
As it turns out, parenting style may have something to do with that. A University of Minnesota study published in the July issue of the Journal of the American Dietetic Association found that authoritative parents eat with their children four or five time a week. Authoritative parents also have better luck getting children to eat healthy foods, resulting in a lower BMI for their kids.
If the idea of orchestrating that many family meals per week sounds daunting to you, maybe start with a trip to The Olive Garden? They make it look so easy. Not only is everyone family at the OG, but they all smile while eating soup, salad and breadsticks. Family meals at my house consist of my daughter going, “What is this green stuff? I don’t like green stuff! Next time can you make this without any green stuff?” Pause. “What is this red stuff? I don’t like red stuff. Next time can you make this without any red stuff?”
Jerica Berge, lead author of the study, says authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive, as opposed to authoritarian parents, who are demanding of their children, but cold. Authoritative parents are Supernanny’s dream; Berge says “they maintain clear boundaries and expectations, but are also empathic and respectful of their child’s opinions.” If only we could all be so perfect.
More extreme child-rearing styles, defined by psychologist Diana Baumrind and refined by Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin, include permissive and neglectful parenting. Most moms and dads probably borrow from more than one style in raising their kids. I’d like to think I’m purely authoritative, but if I’m being completely honest, I’m at times authoritarian (like my mother before me), permissive and neglectful, depending on the circumstance. For example, my daughter and I eat dinner together at the table without any distractions every single night we’re together (authoritative), but when it comes to serving her breakfast at the crack of dawn, I have been known to make her wait until I’ve had at least a cup of coffee (neglectful). On days when my daughter is home with me while I’m writing, I’ve let her watch extra TV if she asks (permissive), and I get angry and yell when she goes through an entire drawer full of underwear on a particularly accident-heavy afternoon (authoritarian).
Even if you don’t want to change your overall parenting style, Berge recommends that “parents adopt some of the mealtime behaviors of authoritative parents.” She says, “Set a routine for family meals, and make cooking fun.” If you hate cooking (I do), start by ordering take-out and eating it at the table together. If you’re not used to eating around a dining table (my ex and I ate over a coffee table for a decade), it can seem awkward at first. After a while, though, eating around a table actually seems normal, and feels preferable. My daughter and I more often than not eat lunch together at the kitchen table, too, and she’s said some of the funniest, most delightful things to me over turkey sandwiches. I get a chance to revel in her mind as it unfolds before me, and she gets a chance to bond with her mom. I know I’m not a perfect parent, but I’m happy to hear that I’m doing something right.
I can’t believe you serve your kids red stuff.
Kid, singular. (Unless I have a kid out there that I don’t know about.) She doesn’t like purple stuff, either. White and brown stuff is okay. But mostly she likes orange juice and ketchup – which, ironically, is red.
Oh, well, white stuff counteracts red stuff if eaten together with purple stuff. Brown stuff is neutral, of course.
[...] all well and good. But where does idle parenting fit in with the news that authoritative parenting results in healthy, successful offspring? Do any of us really know what we’re doing? Maybe the answer lies in borrowing a bit [...]
…and a comment from dinner the other night “hon, your kid is eating weird stuff again…”
My kids are only 3, so right now they eat everything (even lots of green stuff). I am mentally preparing myself for the time when they will suddenly refuse everything and become really picky. Right now they are so full of praise for my cooking that I really enjoy cooking for them, but I think I’m going to lose my enthusiasm when they start complaining about everything I make.
Speaking of the stuff kids eat (but not the actual blog post), I had to get very authoritarian with my little boy who was eating dog food the other night. “Spit that out NOW!”
Oh – my daughter ate cat food almost every day for the entire year from age 1 to age 2. I told her every day to stop, but it must have been tasty! At least she never started drinking water out of the toilet bowl…..
It’s clear that Cheerios taste better once fallen on the floor. I call them Floorios, with apologies to the former governor of NJ.
Manjari, they may not start complaining. Only one of my three had a period of being unreasonably picky.
Bob, my dogs won’t even clean the cheerios off the floor after all these years. They just give me a withering stare.
Manjari, my son started being noticably picky at 19 months. He is now six and refuses to eat all fruit. (YES, IT FREAKS ME OUT.) He will, however, eat peas and broccoli so guess what we have *every* night?
My daughter will be four in October and eats nearly everything. I’m with Linda; my guess is that if you were going to have a (long term) picky eater on your hands, you’d have seen some signs by now.
http://www.gcclaurier.org/lower-than-the-internationally-recognized-trade-ba-buy-chanel/ to take huge discount