The door slammed to our bedroom, me behind it, shaking so badly that I couldn’t breathe. I was so angry. I felt so alone. I whipped out my phone and thought about calling someone but I didn’t want my husband to hear me. So I logged in to Facebook, and into a private group I’m a member of, and I poured out my anger and fear and resentment. In that moment, my marriage felt like it might not survive the night.
We patched things up, my husband and I (in fact, I don’t even remember what the fight was about). But there is definitely a change in the tenor of our relationship these days. As parents of a child and no longer “new” parents our day to day life has gone from being the standard Hail Mary “get through the day with the kid” to being pretty normal. We have the luxury, now, of working on our relationship, and some days? That work sucks.
I think this is common for couples; as the kids age, you begin to feel more like an individual again and less like “mommy” or “daddy” and you begin to look for ways to be happy, and sometimes that way doesn’t mean staying in your current relationship. Separations and divorce seem to be common once kids enter grade school. But what does that mean when it happens to you, and you’re a mom or dad blogger?
It’s happening to one of the most well known mom bloggers out there, right now. As I read Heather Armstrong’s latest post about her recent separation from her husband, my heart broke (and more when I read Jon’s post as well). It broke because I consider Heather a friend, and your heart hurts when your friends hurt. But mostly it broke because she is going to be a public spectacle about a very private matter, and many will say cruel, awful things about it, just like they did to her and to her and to her.
Bloggers are storytellers. Many of us tell the story of our lives as they happen; the births, the deaths, the joys, the losses, the lay offs, and the heartbreaks. Sometimes those stories are hard to tell, and hurt in reality and in the telling. But while elements of the blogosphere can be cruel, it can also be immensely sustaining. If my marriage went south, I know that blogging would be part of how I stayed sane in the process (barring, of course, the legal restrictions that are often part of blogging through divorce).
I wish those members of the blogosphere, particularly Heather and Jon, peace and kindness in a time of high stress. My thoughts are with them, and my deep wish is that the blogosphere buoys them up rather than tears them down. This is a time where we can show the greatness of this community.
Editors’ Note: Please note that unkind comments will not be tolerated on this post, and that – because of the very sensitive and personal nature of the subject at hand – we will err on the side of heavyhandedness in comment moderation.