Breaking the Binky Habit: When and Why
Whether you call it a binky, a pacifier or a num num, that little rubber doohickey that babies love so much can be a hard habit to break. And not just for the kids who love them. Parents often struggle with forcing an unwilling child to part with the pacifier. And according to an article at CNN, they often resort to all kinds of lies and trickery in order to banish the binky.
But while creative parents are inventing Binky Fairies and elaborate stories to encourage – or trick – their kids into giving up the pacifier, others wonder what the big deal is. Why do so many parents feel the need to force their child give up this beloved comfort item when they hit a certain age? And what is that magic age when a pacifier becomes a problem?
According to Jonathan D. Shenkin, a pediatric dentist in Augusta, Maine, that age is two. Beyond that, he says, children who regularly suck a pacifier run the risk of developing dental issues, speech problems and even middle ear infections.
But there’s another reason parents might be in a hurry to permanently pop that binky out of the mouths of their toddlers: the judgment of other parents. Claire B. Kopp, a developmental psychologist in Los Angeles, says that a child who insists upon using a pacifier at three and four-years-old may be reacting to stress, such as “insufficient mom or dad time, erratic sleep or boredom.”
In other words, your preschooler with a pacifier is broadcasting to the world that things aren’t so great at home.
And maybe they aren’t. Psychology professor Jean Twenge says that parents who can’t bring themselves to force a toddler to give up the pacifier are likely permissive parents in other areas as well. And you know what they say about permissive parents: They are more likely to raise narcissistic, undisciplined and insecure children.
A someone whose child refused a binky no matter how many times I tried to shove it in her mouth, I am no expert on the subject. But I think that this is another situation in which blanket statements ultimately do more harm than good. Not every kid who loves her binky is all stressed out. And not every parent who waits until the day before kindergarten to pluck it out of her mouth is a bad parent.
At what age did you determine that your kid’s binky had to go? And how did you manage it?
Image: yabosid/Flickr
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We went cold turkey with our daughter when she was 2 1/2. Really the main reason was because she wasn’t sleeping well. She would wake up whenever it dropped out of her mouth in the night. It got to the point that I knew a few rough nights was better than her waking up 4 or 5 times every night for the foreseeable future. It was a rough 3 nights or her crying herself to sleep in my arms because she wanted her binky, but once she was asleep she slept through the night and after 3 days she forgot about it. I did have to watch her for about a month afterwords because she had them hidden all over the place, but once we found them all, it was over and done with.
My son gave his habit up pretty easily at about 18 months. We had maybe one long night and then he pretty much forgot about it. My daughter was a bit over three and it was an ordeal. I admit I am more permissive with her because she is so freaking loud — so much louder and consistent with whining than her brother… so I let it go on longer than I should have. Finally we went on vacation and forgot to bring any binkies and I refused to buy a new one. I’m thinking of investing in earplugs so that I can do a better job with my daughter.
I don’t really think paci’s are a big deal. All kids grow up and out of them eventually, and I don’t think a long-term paci addiction means that things are bad at home. Some kids treat ‘blankies’ or those little stuffed animal blanket head thingies like paci’s, and I had a roommate in college who still had her blankie. Why isn’t anyone analyzing those? Is it because paci’s are in the kids mouths? I can understand the dental problem thing–kids needing braces, blah blah blah, but these days in our perfect-looking-seeking society? Dentists and orthodontists think every single kid needs braces. I say give ‘em the paci’s! It’ll keep them quiet at least.
According to our pediatrician, extended use of a pacifier also can contribute to language and speech delays. I guess the thinking is that if the child has a pacifier in his/her mouth all the time, he/she is not going through the process of learning to form words frequently enough.
It took us until our son was three because he did not have any other soothing tricks. However, it caused an infection in his mouth so it had to go. My husband had a man to man talk with him. He handed it over and that was pretty much it. He cried the first couple of nights and then once randomly a month later, but it was amazingly pain-free. We had definitely weaned him of it until it was only used for bedtime so that helped make it easier. He now picks at his nails as a soothing device. Drives me nuts! I think every child is going to be different on this one, like every other issue on this blog. I was amazed though that the hospital gave him his first pacifier without even asking me if I wanted him to have it. There are plenty of parents out there adament against them that I thought they would have asked first.
[...] Breaking the Binky Habit: When and Why [...]
My twins loved their pacifiers when they were little babies, but they gave them up at 7 months. I guess b/c I was nursing all the time. There were times when I missed the days they would take a paci for a few minutes.
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My daughter, first borne, spit it out at about 3 months. A determined little girl, she refused to be pacified! My son sometimes had 2 pacifiers, one in his mouth and one which he carried around! At age 2 1/2 he attended a preschool which didn’t allow pacifiers. He loved school and it was the schools rule, not ours. My husband and I decided that since he went a good part of the day without it, we simply would not buy anymore. When he lost the pacifiers, we just said they were all gone, no more and he was fine with that. It was not a problem.
My daughter is 2 years-old now and still uses her pacifier. I can see she’s using less and less and if she doesn’t see it, she won’t look for it. Right now, it’s mostly to sleep. She sleeps all night long (about 10-12 hours straight) and in the morning, she’s rarely using it when she wakes up. What we are doing is offering less and less, specially when she cries so she can start to learn other ways to soothe herself, with our help.
I will admit that my daughters were aged 3 and 4 yrs 3 months when we finally took the soothers away for good. They only had them to soothe themselves to sleep, it caused no speech delay for either of them, (in fact they both talked very early ane properly) no dental problems, and they have never had an infection. So I guess I always wondered what the big deal was with them as it helped them sleep through the night. We definitely did use the soother as a help for us, as my oldest was 15 months when her sister was born, and then we had another child 23 months after that, and we moved 4 times in that time period. So it never seemed like the right time to take it away. When we finally did it, we talked about it for a week, they were able to write a letter to the soother fairy and she left them presents the morning after they slept without it. It has been two months now, the 3 yr old sometimes asks for it, but the older one says that soothers are for babies. And since the baby never did take a soother we are a soother free house finally!
My soon to be 3 yr old recently gave up her binky. She gave it up while staying with her aunt when I was in the hospital having her little sister in December. She does sometimes “fall off the wagon” and I find her tucked into my bed with her sisters binky in her mouth. Some habits are just hard to break, especially in the face of temptation
The kid in that picture looks like a female Chucky with that binky in her mouth.
Hi Kristen!
I guess I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. My son is 18 months and he only uses it at bedtime, not during the day, so it’s not affecting his speech or anything. I guess I just figure he’ll give it up on his own when he gets older. After all, I (at age 31) still sleep with my baby blankie, so it’s hard for me to take away something that gives him comfort and soothes him.
I agree with the author that we have to avoid making blanket statements about what’s best for all kids. My kids had an extreme sucking urge (my nipples were bleeding within hours of starting nursing, and we had a wonderful latch!) and pacifiers fulfilled a real need. I’m also not sure what’s wrong with using a pacifier for – well, pacifying! Life is tough, and we all have ways of calming ourselves. My big secret is that I’m 35 and I still suck my thumb! I completely understood my kids’ pacifier habit, and felt it would be hypocritical to take it away. But – good news. We first limited the pacifier to naps and bedtime, which was tougher than giving it up entirely. But when the time came, we prepared them weeks in advance. I was ready for nights of tears (and quite prepared to cave!), but my daughter (3 at the time) said “ok” and went to sleep without a peep! My son (then 4), the more addicted, cried for half an hour and never really mentioned it again. I think there’s no need to rush to give it up.
I have 3 kids and only our oldest had a binkie….she was 19 mos when the twins arrived. I spent 3 mos in the hospital away from her so being younger wasn’t an option to take it away. She is now 5 and still has one at night. She sleeps through the night, doesn’t have any speech delays (started talking at 11.5 mos!) and never had an ear infection. So I don’t see the big deal. She doesn’t take it to school and our MD said she won’t go to college with it. We haven’t bought anymore and won’t so when these are gone that’s it. Judge all you want but its a very personal decision
If you are afraid to put your foot down with a preschooler (or older!) child about being too old for a binky, how on earth are you going to say “no” to her when she’s a teenager and wanting to rent a hotel room after prom? Sheesh, people, YOU are the parent- start acting like one!
Better to be addicted to a paci than a thumb or finger that you can’t take away. I still suck my thumb. At 32 years old, I don’t see me stopping. Ever.
Um. Wow! Didn’t know I was a bad parent because I haven’t taken away my 2 year old’s binky yet.
I just don’t see the big rush to make him grow up. Every transition we’ve tried has gone more smoothly when we waited until he was ready. Big boy bed at age 2 was a breeze. We could do battle over every milestone, or we could look for signs that he’s ready to move on and then step in to help him. We choose the latter.
i got rid of my sons binkie at 16 months old…my daughter was born 2 months later and i found the binkie caused more trouble than relief…he was upset if he couldnt find it or if it fell out in the car….i just figured it would be easier not to use one…it was. my daughter was 26 months when binkytime was over for good…but with her we had to wean…only in the carnaps and bedtime to eventually only bedtime…however both my babies teeth buckedout, hers worse than his
COLD TURKEY~ My daughter was 14 mos old and 3rd child and only one that had a “SUCKY”. I was trying to convince my husband that it was time for it to go. He is a huge sucker when it comes to his children “they can have whatever they want”. Until we seen this child a couple mos older than our little girl, he had his pacifier sitting right next to him while eating and he turned to the side and his teeth were already messed up. I showed my husband that and the suckies were GONE that night! It tooks us about a week before she didn’t care anymore. And when you look at my daughter you can’t tell that she used a pacifier but the dentist asked me if she sucks her thumb because when you take a closer look her teeth bucked out a little.