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Breast Milk-Flavored Lollipops Plus 9 Other ‘Treats’ That are All Sorts of Wrong

Sweet is sweet. Chocolate is chocolate. Dessert is dessert. It’s all good, right?

So, so wrong. Think breast milk-flavored lollipops, corndog mints and one candy described as a cross between onions and gasoline.

When sweet goes terribly, terribly wrong, you get these 10 “treats”:

 

  • Bon Appetit 1 of 11
    cover6

    Or not.

  • Breast Milk-Flavored Lollipop 2 of 11
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    If you've been feeling left out of the breast-milk jewelry and soap trend, what's wrong with you?

     

    Still, there's nothing wrong with wanting to jump on the bandwagon of a fad. But if you're lactating days are over or never begun, don't fret: Lollyphile has just the thing for you. The company asked mothers to share their breast milk with their "flavor specialists" until they were able to "candify it."

     

    There's no actual breast milk in the lollies (can we get a collective "PHEW!") but they're allegedly "quite possibly the most inherently satisfying flavor of all time."

     

    ("Yeah, right," chuckled Chocolate and Sea Salt and Caramel).

     

     

  • Pizza and Spaghetti-Flavored Slushy 3 of 11
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    There's nothing wrong with a slushy. There's nothing wrong with pizza or spaghetti. But all three in one?

     

    A Quebec convenience-store chain, Couche-Tard, has combined the three into one for a slushy called Pizzaghetti-Sloche.

     

    However, if it's the pizza/spaghetti combo part that grosses you out, know that you can get just a pizza slushy or just a spaghetti slushy. Because those are much more appealing, right?

     

     

     

     

     

  • Foie Gras Bubblegum 4 of 11
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    If gum that tastes like "fancy goose liver" is appealing to you, you're in luck.

     

    A site called McPhee.com sells the confection, which isn't actually made from a real goose — it's vegan and "cruelty-free." Although there's no telling the mean tricks it will play on your mind if you actually choose to chew it.

     

  • Chocolate-Covered Ant Candy 5 of 11
    ant

    Ant Candy, is allegedly made with real farm ants and "coated in tasty chocolate [to] taste a bit like a Nestle Crunch." Which no doubt tickles the folks at Nestle Crunch to be included in the same breath.

     

    "Each package of Chocolate Covered Ant Candy is hand-dipped, assuring you that the chocolate and the ants are as fresh as can be," says the description.

     

    Yes, because the freshness of the ants is why you were hesitating whether to indulge, right?

  • Corndog Mints 6 of 11
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    It's one thing to crave a corndog (although who actually craves corndog is a mystery). It's a whole other thing to want to have the scent lingering on your breath after eating one.

     

    Still, if you are that lone person (because there just can't be more than one of you) for whom corndogs are a regular craving — behold: Corndog Mints.

  • Placenta Truffles 7 of 11
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    If you want to eat your placenta but placenta lasagna and placenta pills just aren't whetting your appetite, how about placenta truffles?

     

    Described as "finely powdered placenta in a rich chocolate ganache and then coated with a dark hard chocolate shell," it might just be the biologically correct treat that will give you the one-two punch of the alleged benefits of eating your placenta and satisfying your chocolate cravings simultaneously.

     

     

  • TV Dinner Gumballs 8 of 11
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    Because anyone who's ever had a TV dinner knows how, um, delicious they are — get it to go with TV dinner gumballs.

     

    "Your vegetable is buttered corn flavored gum, your main dish is roast beef flavored gum and for dessert, apple cobbler flavored gum."

     

    You had us a roast-beef flavored gum. Oh, wait.

  • Scorpion Sucker 9 of 11
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    "Apple-flavored lollipop with a genuine scorpion inside," the description simply reads.

     

    Because, really, what more is there to say, other than if that doesn't do it for you, how about Scorpion Brittle instead?

  • Tasty Tuna Tidbits 10 of 11
    tuna

    No one's arguing against the gourmet quality of tuna.

     

    Everyone, however, is arguing that tuna and sugar in candy form have no business being married.

     

    Are you listening, Jane-Jane Tasty Tuna Tidbit people?

  • Durian Candy 11 of 11
    DurianCandy

    One writer describes the most prominent flavors in Durian Candy as "gasoline and onions."

     

    Need we say more?

 

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Follow Meredith on Twitter and check out her regular column on the Op-Ed page of The Denver Post at MeredithCarroll.com

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