Honestly, I’m pretty sure meggings are just an enormous prank being pulled on us by GQ, and on April 1 they’ll be all OHMYGAH I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR IT. In the mean time, I don’t really believe that meggings exist outside of the world of tumblr blogs, running stores, and stunt journalism.
More exciting is the man-yogurt known as Powerful. Wait, “man-yogurt” sounds kinda gross. It’s yogurt for men. And it’s totally manly, unlike that girly regular yogurt you’ve been eating, with the unicorns and the glitter and the little paper umbrellas.
First of all, Powerful comes in a manly package. It’s black and red, with a bull logo.
Also, Powerful is a “man-sized” eight ounces instead of a paltry 6 ounces like girly yogurt. Because nothing satisfies a manly-man appetite like an extra 2 ounces of yogurt. In fact just the other day, my husband was totally like “man, I’m starving. I really need a couple extra ounces of Greek yogurt.”
Then he ate like five girly yogurts because pretty much it could have Tinkerbell designs on it and he’d still eat it, because it’s food. He’s picky like that.
So basically, Powerful is a large, manly package that delivers white stuff, and someone is insisting that it’s “really high in protein.” So, okay then. Subtle. It totally looks like the food version of Axe, which my friend Ronna pointed out means that teenage boys will probably love it and eat like two to three gallons of it a day.
And in fact, that might not be so bad. Yogurt is awesome. It’s healthy. And if more dudes eat yogurt, then yay. However, before you go getting your teenage son hooked on the stuff, keep in mind that an 8-ounce cup of Powerful retails for about $2.99.
Moving on to the most important ManProduct of the day, let’s talk about Manteresting. It’s man-Pinterest. It’s got a more masculine font, and instead of pinning, you “nail” something. Get it? Nail? Ugggggh. (Babble blogger Carolyn Castiglia takes a closer look at Manteresting here.)
If Manteresting is an accurate depiction of the male mind, men spend their time thinking about boobs, Batman, food, cartoons, Internet memes, figuring out how to tie a tie, and boobs. Also, sometimes guns. And then more boobs. Like Pinterest, it has its share of crafty projects, including a DIY stenciled Dr. Who t-shirt. Although when I clicked on that one, it turned out a woman had nailed it there.
And now I kind of want to join Manteresting, so I can nail me some pics of brogurt and meggings.
In 2011, Dr. Pepper launched a manly diet soda called Dr. Pepper Ten, which apparently we’re supposed to pretend is not diet. This cracks me up, because not only does my husband drink Diet Dr. Pepper, but he’s too cheap to buy actual brand name Diet Dr. Pepper, so he drinks Diet Dr. Perky. Which is the best generic brand rip-off name ever.
What else? There’s already a crapton of skin and hair products for men. Kilts are kind of a thing — I’ve actually seen men wear those in real life, unlike meggings. (But meggings would probably be comfy under a kilt.) And apparently there’s a bunch of grown men who like My Little Pony even more than my 9-year-old daughter does. So, what’s left in the world of lady stuff for men to co-opt?
Here some suggestions for the marketers out there:
1. Re-market sanitary pads as man-sized first aid supplies. Make men feel embarrassed for having used girly-sized regular Band-Aids this whole time.
2. Lipstick: it’s like Chap-Stick…to the x-treme!
3. Ironing boards. I mean, they’re already kinda phallic anyway.
4. Quiche: throw in a bunch of bacon; re-brand it as Hungry Man Breakfast Good Eatin’ Egg Pie.
5. Man Lit: Virginia Woolf totally wrote A Room of One’s Own about that man cave you’ve always wanted.
6. Glitter. It will still be glitter. Just package it with a font that reminds us all of Tron. That always works.
7. Mangaritas will be the new, manly-man fruity drinks. They’ll be served in iced beer mugs and garnished with Chuck Norris’ mustache.
Remember, you heard it here first.
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