Stop. I can’t. I am tweaking with excitement about the news that Taco Bell is going to release a Cool Ranch Doritos flavored taco shell. Yes, last month I was diagnosed with diverticulitis, an intestinal condition that I like to describe as “when you go scuba diving and someone tickles you in your wet suit and it causes you to poop your pants.” It doesn’t actually cause you to poop your pants, it causes you great abdominal pain, and it’s a genetic condition that is aggravated by a horrible American diet. Yes, I have been charged with eating high-fiber foods and have been doing so and am drinking Intestitea instead of 8 afternoon cups of coffee. Yes, I never let my daughter have fast food.
But like, come on. The Universe has got to give me this. Because I grew up on Taco Bell and though one of the first things I said after I got my diagnosis was, “Well, I’ve probably already eaten a lifetime supply of pizza, chicken wings and Mexican food,” everyone has to have one cave food that they gobble up when they need to feel good about feeling bad. Or feel bad about feeling good? Both, I guess.
As it is I almost never eat Taco Bell anymore, but there is one I stop at sometimes when I’m driving upstate, and I definitely do get the Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos Locos Taco every time. Cuz like, it’s perfect. It tastes like love and chemicals. Mmmm.
What’s the one gross food that you will cave for when you need it? I know you have one. Everyone does. Fess up in the comments!
Photo via Taco Bell’s Facebook page.