Just when I thought guy culture couldn’t get any classier: welcome to “dadelor parties”. It’s like a bachelor party, but instead of celebrating a dude’s impending marriage, the guys are getting wasted one last time before their buddy disappears forever into fatherhood. Get it?
We get it.
Now, I’m in favor of almost any excuse to party. And with all the fuss on new moms, it’s nice to see dads-to-be getting some attention. Too often it seems like the baby is entirely the new mother’s business, as if the dad-to-be were just another accessory. Sometimes, the future dad isn’t even invited to a baby shower. He deserves a party, too, right?
So why is the “dadelor party” rubbing me the wrong way?
I think it’s pretty much straight up envy. I get to sort through a pile of onesies with my mom and a bunch of lady friends. Which was fun, I admit. I even liked some of the silly shower games, like tasting baby food and guessing what fruit or vegetable it started out as. For my second baby, I had a blessingway instead of a shower, and that was a really magical experience. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
But leave my counter-cultural, belly-painting, baby blessing ritual out of this for a minute. Hold the “dadelor party” up against your traditional shower. And let’s be clear: one of these parties focuses on (essentially) sorting laundry with your mom. One of them prominently features booze, cigars, and more booze. Let me tell you which party I would rather be at. Hint: it’s not the one with the onesies.
It seems wrong that the emerging event to celebrate new fatherhood is a kind of wake for the dude’s carefree days before kids, while the cultural rituals for new moms are all about taking on new responsibilities with joy.
Of course, there are good reasons for women about to give birth not to go on a bender. Booze and cigars are a bit contraindicated for pregnancy. Still, it’d be nice to see moms-to-be getting a bit of a last hurrah, too, and dads being recognized for what this new phase of life offers them, as well as what they’re giving up. Balance, people.
What do you think? Did you have a “dadelor party”, or did your man? Are these a cool way to recognize new dads, or a sexist contrivance?