Dispatches From the Parent ‘Hood: Top Tweets ‘O The Week

It occurred to me the other day, while waiting an extra 45 minutes at the doctor’s office, that I was actually enjoying myself.

That’s right. I said enjoying myself at the doctor’s office. And if I told you what kind of doctor I was seeing… Well, you know what I mean. Enjoyment and this particular doctor visit belong in the same sentence, like, NEVER.

This is what parenting has done to me. An extended stay in the calm of the doctor’s office, waiting for him to acquaint himself with me in ways even my husband hasn’t, with only old issues of Highlights magazine and my cell to keep me company is considered enjoyable. Because I’m alone. Blessedly alone.

And so I got my sad, little party on, celebrating my aloneness by scrolling through Twitter and laughing my ass off. Because y’all are some funny, funny mofos.

Without much preamble I’ll just let you get right to the funny stuff.

YOU WILL LAUGH. Ready, set, go!

  • pb-jaime 1 of 16
  • @highlyirritable 2 of 16
    Ain't it the truth, though?
  • @ShaneNickerson 3 of 16
    Put goldfish on that list too, eh buddy?
  • @dooce 4 of 16
    Deranged hobo or a gay frat boy?
  • @FilthyRichmond 5 of 16
    It would be helpful.
  • @FilthyRichmond 6 of 16
    I highly suggest you follow this person on Twitter. You will not be disappointed.
  • @yoyoha 7 of 16
    Yes. Except substitute DVR'd episodes of The Real Housewives for 8 Mile and you have pretty much every night for me.
  • @9to5life 8 of 16
  • @Caissie 9 of 16
    Sidenote: remember when the California Raisins were cool? Back in the olden days?
  • @jennyandteets 10 of 16
    I have long suspected Dora of illegal activity. She's obviously colluding with Swiper or she would have beat him down long ago.
  • @alittlepregnant 11 of 16
    Maybe you're getting it out of the way early this year?
  • @miss_sara_s 12 of 16
    My kid is into the Civil War and Greek Mythology.
  • @ealvarezgibson 13 of 16
    Future astronaut! Or cell phone salesperson.
  • @RyanChris 14 of 16
    Screw the Army. Parents do more before 9 than you'll do all day.
  • @finslippy 15 of 16
    Marlboro Reds, Alice. Marlboro Reds.
  • @agirlandaboy 16 of 16
    You're right, Leah. I don't wanna know.

More From Monica on Strollerderby:

You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.

Article Posted 4 years Ago
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