With all the talk about unusual celebrity baby names the past few years, it’s no surprise that Americans have selected a Mitt and a Barack to go up against each other in this Presidential election. (Choosing a candidate with a weird name is probably the most bipartisan thing Democrats and Republicans have actually accomplished recently.) There are interesting names all over the political theatre, like those of withdrawn Presidential candidates Newt, Herman and Thad. We’ve got lots of great names in the Senate already — Orrin, Rand, Olympia — but what about the great gubernatorial names like Butch, Deval and Lincoln? Even mayors are bringing their A name game with monikers like Dewey, Annise and Rahm.
Because of the lies, flip-flopping and straight-up confusion over what political candidates really stand for, some of you remain undecided about who you’ll vote for today. Maybe you undecided voters should just vote based on which candidate has the coolest name! If you do, here’s how our pals Miek Bruno and Kerry Sparks, authors of the hilarious book “Hello, My Name Is Pabst: Baby Names for Nonconformist, Indie, Geeky, DIY, Hipster and Alterna-Parents of Every Kind” see the following races winding up:
Kate Brown (D) vs. Knute Buehler (R) 1 of 6State/Position: Oregon, Secretary of State
Poor Kate, you don't have a chance in this election, sorry. Knute alone is one of the most awesome names running, but then you throw in the Ferris Bueller similarity with his last name -- even a Democrat would consider swinging to the other side, just to see his name in the paper all the time.
Photo credits: Kate, Knute
Merlin Bartz (R) vs. Mary Jo Wilhelm (D) 2 of 6State/Position: Iowa, State Senate, District 26
A real live Merlin living in Iowa is sure to have magical powers, even if he doesn't have a crazy long beard. Merlin gives the All-American sounding Mary Jo a real run for her money. I'd bet a tall, pointy velvet hat Merlin wins in a landslide.
Photo credits: Merlin, Mary Jo
Margaret Wood Hassan (D) vs. Ovide Lamontagne (R) 3 of 6State/Position: New Hampshire, Governor
While Margaret is making a comeback with parents who name their kids classy names such as Beatrice and Alexander, it's tough to compete with Ovide which not only looks cool on paper, it also has a nice ring to it. This one could go either way.
Photo credits: Margaret, Ovide
Vickie Perea (R) vs. Clemente Sanchez (D) 4 of 6State/Position: New Mexico, State Senate, District 30
Vickie may be a nice gal, but she's got an atrocious name. Clemente wins this one hands down. Be sure to keep an eye on other district seats in New Mexico, there are some baby name gems like Sander Rue and Cisco McSorley.
Photo credits: Vickie, Clemente
Simcha Felder (D) vs. David Storobin (R) 5 of 6
Barack Obama (D) vs. Mitt Romney (R) 6 of 6Position: President
Barack is probably the only name cooler than Knute, but Mitt will remind many cat lovers of their feline pal "Mister Mittens," so this one is too close to call. Tune in for the results tonight, and GO VOTE!
Photo credits: Wikipedia
For all their social conservatism and love of khaki, when it comes to strange names, it looks like the Republicans take the lead. Liberal hipsters: the next time one of your conservative relatives berates you for naming your kid Pterodactyl or Atari, just remind them that you could have chosen Rush, Mitt, Newt or Tripp.
For more cool, weird, unique baby name ideas, visit www.mynameispabst.com.
Main photos via Wikipedia.
More from Carolyn on Babble: