Ensuring Your Childrens' Glasses are Half Full, For Their Health
Have a hopeful outlook on life can affect a child's healthy positively
You’re only as happy as your least happy child. And whether your children are optimists or pessimists can affect their health, according to a new report from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
A study of Australian kids ages 12 to 14 showed that the most optimistic of the bunch reduced their risk of showing signs of depression by half. On the flip side, however, is that kids with bright outlooks were only moderately more likely to steer clear of substance abuse and antisocial behaviors.
But the good news is that whether your child’s glass is half empty or half full isn’t something that’s necessarily determined at birth. While personality traits are inborn, optimism can be learned, shaped and molded, Dr. Leslie Walker, Chief of Adolescent Medicine at Seattle Children’s Hospital, told Today’s Mom.
First and foremost, it’s monkey see, monkey do. In other words, parents need to model a positive outlook if they want their children to follow suit.
Other keys to raising an optimistic child include listening to them without judging, and interpreting what they’re really saying, or reading between the lines. Also important? Don’t label your child. Kids can live or die by their parent’s expectations of them, and giving them a negative label (i.e. shy or wild) is effectively perpetuating the behavior that is perceived as negative and could work into their psyche and become part of their self-identity.
Don’t dismiss a teen’s reality. If a child expresses concerns that seem trivial to a parent, don’t say, “Oh, it’ll be fine.” Because that’s no source of comfort and it doesn’t help them solve anything. Instead, ask more questions and see if they can name an upside or anything that’s not so negative about their problem.
Finally, Dr. Walker says to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Show kids the good and bad in every situation, and, if necessary help them locate the good when they think its existence is impossible.
As a parent, I do have to remind myself often to put on a happy face — particularly around my daughter —when I start to feel as if things are looking down for one reason or another (i.e. bills, stress, bad news). And although she’s only two, I can see how my daughter’s mood changes with mine.
I also see how at her age labels can affect her. When she gets shy around someone new and covers her eyes, I tickle her and ask if she’s being silly, which usually means she takes her hands away, giggles and looks up. After that, she’ll often cover her eyes and tell me she’s being silly; it’s effectively become a game, and one that I think is healthier than telling her she seems to have a fear of strangers.
Whether it’s reminding her that she’ll get a sticker after each doctor’s visit, or that the world will not end if the TV is turned off, nothing ever feels more important than doing what I can to turn her tears into a smile. I get what my role and my responsibility are in making her a happy kid, and I can’t imagine that too many roles in my life will ever be more important.
What techniques do you use to make sure your kids are happy and hopeful?
Image: Morgue File
This was a great article and an important topic. In an age where more and more children are being medicated for everything from depression and bipolar to attention deficit, I believe that parents can influence their child’s outlook on life, therefore having an impact on their overall attitude and personality. I am not taking away from the seriousness of certain issues or saying that having a positive attitude is a cure all, but I do believe that possessing a positive attitude is paramount to overcoming adversity, failure and coping with problems in life. This is an area I actively work on with my two children, ages 3 and 6. These are some things I do with them-
#1- community service- yes, even as toddlers. Teaching children to think of others and to become less ego-centric is paramount to helping them view life in a positive light.
#2- putting the needs of others first and consistently pointing out how, when and why someone else might need something more than my children. By pointing out to them that there needs cannot and should not always come first teaches patience and empathy.
#3- building independence/teaching children to solve problems independently. Doing this gives children authentic confidence and helps them believe they can solve their own problems and take on challenges without mom or dad always being there.
Anyway, I could go on for days about this topic, but the article already did a wonderful job. These are just a few things I am doing to help my children grow up w/a positive and can-do attitude.
@Smartypantzed — Sounds like great ideas. What kind of community service do you do with toddlers?
@Meredith- I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old. I didn’t start before 3, but at or around that age, I began to talk w/my oldest about some people not having enough to eat (she asked about someone on a corner w/sign). That led to us giving food through our food bank….I would allow her to pick things out. I also allowed her to collect change and save it to give. I do this w/my son too. We have also done arts and crafts w/students through a program for challenged youth. After Hurricane Ike (we were living in Houston), we made and then delivered lunches to those with no power. Young children can also help make cards for the elderly or for those in the hospital. We also used to visit a woman who was suffering from cancer and who had no family (I did not tell my children about her cancer, as they were too young) I understand these are little things and that their understanding of many of these topics is immature and narrow. However, my theory is that if my children grow up w/community service as a regular part of their lives, they will always be thinking of others’ needs in addition to their own. I want them to develop a genuine desire to help, not a feeling that it is a requirement for school or that it looks good on a college application.
Not to shamelessly plug my book, but we do have a section about volunteerism and promoting a positive attitude. It’s entitled Answer Keys: Teachers’ Lesson Plan for Successful Parenting. Available at retailers through Bright Sky Press. Good luck w/your little ones!!
@Smartpantzed — Sounds like you’re setting a great example for your kids. Thanks for sharing the ideas — when my daughter gets a little older I’ll have to give it a shot.
@meredith. Thank you! I am sure you’ll do an incredible job since you are already thinking out it. All the best!