Ex-Bully Dad Comes to Terms with His Princess Soncarolyncastiglia
Queerty has been running an interesting column called Raising my Rainbow, “written by the mother of a slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son” named C.J., age 4. That admission in and of itself is pretty fascinating, considering that the idea of prehomosexuality is sort of a new one. Of course, C.J.’s mom isn’t totally alone in writing about her gay little kid. She’s in good company with Princess Boy‘s mom Cheryl Kilodavis and Cop’s Wife, who stirred quite the controversy in even suggesting that her son might be gay because he wanted to dress as Daphne for Halloween.
What’s great about this Queerty column is like Cop’s Wife, but unlike Kilodavis – who has staunchly avoided the topic, C.J.’s mom comes out (punny!) and says her son is possibly (probably?) gay. (One of the reasons Cop’s Wife took so much heat for calling her son gay is because people assume that means she is sexualizing her child, but I think that’s ridiculous. Do we really need to use a term like “prehomosexual” to indicate that we think our children will eventually love someone of the same gender so that it’s clear we don’t want them making out at age 4? Guh.)
So we’ve heard from the moms of these “princess boys,” but what about the dads? How do straight men feel about recognizing gayness in their sons at such a young age? (We know Dr. Phil feels weird about boys playing with dolls. He recently told one mother to encourage her effeminate son to play with “boy toys.”) C.J.’s Dad – a former high school football captain and if his photos are to be believed a pretty built, macho guy – says, “Although I will admit at times it has been frustrating, I would not change my son in any way.”
In his post, C.J.’s Dad recounts how he felt seeing his son playing Barbie for the first time. He says, “Instead of making the smart ass comment that immediately came to mind, I sat with C.J. on the floor…. The look he gave me as he held up Barbie for me to see was priceless and I will never forget it. His eyes lit up and a huge smile crossed his face.” C.J.’s Dad says he’s aware that if his son’s love of all things purple and pink continues, “he will be forced into uncomfortable situations and have to deal with bullies and taunts,” adding, “I am well aware of the adversities and obstacles (he) will face from bullies — because I used to be one. I fear that punishment for my past sins is going to have to be endured by my son…. I look back now and I am scared and embarrassed of how I would have treated a teammate like C.J.”
C.J.’s Dad seems to have made peace with having two sons who are vastly different. He says, “People have asked me if I treat C.J. differently than his brother…. No, I don’t treat my children any differently. They are into different things, so I get excited about their differences and unique behaviors…. I play baseball and basketball with my 7-year-old and sit on the floor and fumble my fingers putting dresses on dolls with my 4-year-old.” How sweet.