Okay, the truth is I don’t really care about Royal Scandals, Royal Weddings, or Royal Babies. My parents are British and I still just can’t muster up the energy to care. Unless there are hats involved. Basically anything good that the British Royals do involves super tricked-out tiny hats called fascinators and they are my favorite.
No one truly knows why they’re called fascinators.* Some theories on the origin of the name are:
- They make you stare at people’s heads in fascination, wonderment, and a deluge of giggles.
- You know how British people spell color as “colour”? Yeah. Fascinator is an alternate spelling of fastened to your head with duct tape and/or staple guns.
- They adhere to your brain and turn you into a Schwarzenegger-esque cyborg assassin sent back in time to 1984 to kill Sarah Connor.
As you can imagine, it’s something that no Royal Baby should be without. In fact, I’d be surprised if Pippa didn’t already throw Duchess Kate an entirely fascinator-themed baby shower, in which the baby received thirty-score fascinators and they were also given out as party favors. Fascinators for everyone!
But just in case the Royals dropped the ball on this one, I have some suggestions for fabulous fascinators the Royal Baby could wear. Sure, it’ll be more socially acceptable if the baby is a girl, but I’d like to think that Kate and Wills will be open-minded and raise their kid without stereotypical notions of gender.
Whether you’re about to have the next heir to the throne, or just a regular, you know…common baby, fascinators are all the rage as photo props. The thing is, if you’re going to stick a crazy little thing on your baby’s head, you really should go as over-the-top as possible. I mean, commit. If your baby doesn’t look vaguely like Carmen Miranda in your next Christmas card, you have failed.
Plus, I don’t think fascinators should be relegated to just being photo props. What the heck, let your baby wear it all the time. There’s nothing I love more than seeing a toddler proudly wearing an outfit she put together herself. Sure, she’s wearing a tutu, rain boots, a Darth Vader t-shirt, and a big ol’ fancy thing on her head, but I DO IT MYSELF, MAMA.
*I’m sure someone knows, I just can’t be bothered to Google it.
**Actually I just Googled it, and in the process, discovered that there’s an entirely separate entity called a hatinator. ZOMG. The mind wobbles.
Check out my picks below for a dozen fascinators that would be perfect for the Royal Baby!
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