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FIX THIS PITCH! (New Series)

We’re starting a fun new series here at MomCrunch all about those bad pitches we get from brands and agencies. But with a twist!

Rather than just share the bad pitches we get (which is so easy to do), we’re going to instead delve deep into the pitch itself and point out ways that it can be fixed. Cool, right?

I’ve presented several times about how to pitch bloggers, and I always start by pointing out that the pitch needs to include a few key things to be successful:

• Appropriately personalized (no “dear blogger”)

• Short and sweet (for the love of GOD, no two-scroll-down emails)

• Offers something to the blogger

In addition, I like to clear up a misconception that people often have about bloggers (particularly mom bloggers): we are NOT “always looking for content.” Heading into the pitch with the attitude that you are doing us a favor by offering us content for our blogs is a big FAIL.

So, let’s look at a sample, shall we?

I got this pitch a few months back.

Dear Cecily,

I just came across your blog/Twitter account and noticed a tweet from a while back saying you love to vacuum (minus the stairs) so I thought you’d appreciate [redacted]. I’m working with [redacted] on the Love To Vacuum campaign and launch of [redacted], a multi-faceted and interactive consumer forum designed to celebrate all things vacuuming.

You are what we call a ‘Vachead’ anyone who simply loves to vacuum (even if it’s only certain surfaces)!

[redacted] is fun and cheeky, featuring a variety of activities I think you’ll like:

·         Download a Vactone (vacuum ringtone) to your phone

·         Send a V-Card (vacuum card)

·         Come clean about why you’re a Vachead in the confessions forum

·         Enter the “[redacted]” contest for a chance to win one of the three vacuum/love-themed prizes (sorry but the contest is only open to Canadian residents right now; We launched the site in Canada and if it’s a hit, they hope is to target the US next)

·         Get the latest info about vacuum products and rebate offers

·         Learn some vacuum cleaning tips

You might also wanna check out [redacted], the [redacted] Facebook fan page and [redacted] Twitter feed to help get your daily vacuum fix!

I’ve attached the [redacted] logo, enjoy! If you have a chance to check out the website, I’d love to hear your thoughts and would also appreciate your support by joining the [redacted] Facebook page and following us on Twitter.

Thanks so much and feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

So.

Yeah.

Okay, first of all, I believe the whole premise is mildly flawed. I tweeted that I didn’t “mind” vacuuming, not that I loved it, and said I hated vacuuming stairs because it’s such a pain.

Secondly, the contest is open only to Canadians and I live, you guessed it, NOT IN CANADA.

Thirdly, there’s no offer. What am I supposed to do? How would it help me? Am I supposed to promote it? Am I supposed to tweet about it? Sure, I could like the Facebook page, et al, but there is still no strong call to action. And OH MY GOD, “Here’s a logo, enjoy”? I’m flabbergasted that they would interject that. “Enjoy” my ass.

Lastly: No one calls me a VACHEAD.

How would I fix it? Here ya go.

Dear Cecily,

I just came across your blog/Twitter account and noticed a tweet from a while back saying you love to don’t hate vacuuming (minus the stairs) so I thought you’d appreciate [redacted]. I’m working with [redacted] on the tongue-in-cheek “Love To Vacuum” campaign and launch of [redacted], a multi-faceted and interactive consumer forum designed to celebrate chat about all things vacuuming, and we’d love to have your help spreading the word! <—- CALL TO ACTION!

You are what we call a ‘Vachead’ anyone who simply loves to vacuum (even if it’s only certain surfaces)!

[redacted] is fun and cheeky, featuring a variety of activities I think you’ll like:

·         You can download a Vactone (vacuum ringtone) to your phone

·         Send a V-Card (vacuum card)

·         Come clean about why you’re a Vachead in the confessions forum

·         Enter the “[redacted]” contest for a chance to win one of the three vacuum/love-themed prizes (sorry but the contest is only open to Canadian residents right now; We launched the site in Canada and if it’s a hit, they hope is to target the US next) (don’t send to US bloggers until it’s available in the US)

·         Get the latest info about vacuum products and rebate offers

·         Learn some vacuum cleaning tips

You might also wanna check out [redacted], the [redacted] Facebook fan page and [redacted] Twitter feed to help get your daily vacuum fix!

I’ve attached the [redacted] logo, enjoy! If you have a chance to check out the website, I’d love to hear your thoughts and would also appreciate your support by joining the [redacted] Facebook page and following us on Twitter. about how we could work together to spread the [redacted] love!

Thanks so much and feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

 

So, what do you think? Would you respond to the second version of the pitch? How would you fix it?

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