One of the benefits of getting married is that all the woes of single life and dating are behind you forever (well, you’ve got a 50% shot, anyway). Assuming you’ve selected a partner wisely, the games that plague so many in uncommitted relationships just vanish after you’ve made a mature pledge to walk through life hugged in a warm blanket of honesty, trust and a deep abiding love.
I’ve been with my husband for a decade, so it’s been a while since I’ve opened up any of a number of magazines geared towards women who are perhaps still on the prowl for “75 Very Naughty Moves to Try on a Man” or on the hunt for “A Wild New Use For Your Loofah.” Which isn’t to say married women shouldn’t be sexy and fun for their husbands or that romance dies at the altar. But you’d hope that after the initial courting period comes to a close, you can read less Cosmo and more material that doesn’t necessarily render you brain dead.
These days, now that I’m a mom to two little girls, Cosmo is definitely off my radar. But I was reading Jezebel and came across a piece there, Cosmo Generously Teaches Ladies How to Look Hot for the Super Bowl, and got that feeling of nausea in my stomach that used to be pretty specific to the sheer hatred of dating and awful guys and being screwed over. Except this time, it was on behalf of my daughters.
The actual piece, 4 Ways to Look Hot When You’re Watching the Super Bowl, seems like an April Fool’s joke.
One tip suggested “sexy loungewear:”
One great thing about watching the game at home is that you can wear your favorite loungewear without even the slightest hint of sartorial shame. But just because you’re going super casual, doesn’t mean you can’t still look sexy. Color-coordinated sweats will help you get in the mood for the big game and flashing a little team-themed lingerie will leave your guy paying as much attention to you as he does to the game on the screen.
Another recommends a “bracelet that jingles [to] make celebrating those touchdowns all the more fun and festive.”
If you’re heading out to watch the game, act like a Boy Scout and be prepared, because you “never know who you might meet at a sports bar on Super Bowl Sunday, so why not put your sexiest foot forward with an outfit that’s both game-day appropriate and super hot?”
Wouldn’t it have been more fun — and useful — had Cosmo maybe offered a refresher on the rules of football or even snacks that won’t derail a woman’s quest for the ultimate six-pack abs? How about a rundown of the Super Bowl schedule, including when the funniest commercials are set to air or what to expect at the half-time show? Why does it have to be about looking cute and getting a man’s attention? Why assume women won’t just be interested in the game? Maybe a feature on the women of the NFL — powerful executives at some of the franchises or how some of the star players’ wives and moms have made a difference in the world through charitable work?
There’s more to life than looking cute for a guy and using your sexuality to hold his interest when the big game is on. Looking at Cosmo, though, you’d never know that.
Coming of age inevitably presents its own set of challenges and heartaches. I guess I had just hoped that by the time my daughters are old enough to stumble across Cosmo, it would have made some advances that were helpful in an arena that didn’t have to include men. My girls are young, so there’s still some time. But given how much time has passed since I looked at the magazine and how much time remains until my daughters might see it, I’m not very hopeful.
Photo credit: Cosmo
More from Meredith on Babble:
- New Year’s Resolution: 10 Ways to Empower Your Kids to Make a Difference in Their Lives
- 7 Ways to be a Less Annoying Mom in 2014 (You’re Welcome)
- Hey, Bill Keller. I Was Just Diagnosed With Cancer, You Want to Tell Me How to Suffer, Too?