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Fresh Hell in Girls' Shoes: Top 10 Things I Hate About Skechers' New 'Daddy'$' Shoes

Fresh Hell in Girls' Shoes: Top 10 Things I Hate About Skechers' New "Daddy's Money" Shoes (via Babble)Remember the good old days, like a couple years ago, when Skechers was making cool, affordable skateboard-style sneakers that fit your kid’s big wide feet? Yeah…those were the days.

My friends at Rants from Mommyland brought to my attention this week that Skechers now has a new line of…something. Are they sneakers? Shoes? The most horrendous thing ever marketed to your daughter? Oh, right. It’s that last one.

The line of shoe/sneaker/fresh hell is called “Daddy’$” because obviously moms don’t ever make the money, right? I can hardly form the words to describe the horror, so first let’s take a look at their TV commercial.

To clarify, this is not an SNL spoof. It’s an actual commercial.

http://youtu.be/FJcOMY77wr4

I’ll wait a moment while your head finishes exploding.

That ad is currently airing on MTV and on children’s cartoon channel The Hub. Be sure to look for it while your little girl is watching Strawberry Shortcake or whatever!

Now, I have three daughters, which means I’ve been watching girls’ shoes become increasingly horrifying for quite a while. I first chronicled the disaster of shoe-shopping for my daughters in a 2011 post entitled “Top 10 Skankerrific Sandals My Daughters Will Not Be Wearing.” I’m aware that not everyone appreciates words like “skankerrific,” but frankly, if the skanky shoe fits, so be it. And speaking of fitting, all the sandals in that post, including the ones with one-inch platforms plus 2-1/2 inch wedge heels, were available in sizes to fit my 7-year-old daughter.

Daddy’$ shoes aren’t, in all fairness, made for little girls. The sizes start at a women’s 5-1/2. As a point of reference, my twin 11-year-old daughters wear a size 6 and a size 7. Most of their sixth-grade friends wear about the same or larger. So, while the shoes aren’t being marketed to elementary school-aged girls, they’re clearly for tweens and teens, as evidenced by the models they’re using and their ad placement.

I hate so many things about these shoes and the marketing campaign, that I had a hard time narrowing it down to just ten things. So when I say these are my “Top Ten,” it’s because these were the top ten things out of approximately eleventy million.


  • 1. It’s Called ‘Daddy’$’ and We’re Supposed to Pronounce That as ‘Daddy’s Money’ 1 of 10
    1. It's Called 'Daddy'$' and We're Supposed to Pronounce That as 'Daddy's Money'
    Do they mean "Daddy" or do they mean "Sugar Daddy?" Because last time I checked, my daughters' father would not be swayed by belly shirts and jorts with a 3/4-inch inseam. In fact, I'm pretty sure he'd deliver a long lecture on the value of money, and then send them upstairs to put on pants.

    Also, using a dollar sign as an 'S' makes me want to punch someone in the throat. I truly hope Ke$ha sues them.

    (Photo Credit: DaddysMoney.com)
  • 2. It Panders In the Worst Way 2 of 10
    2. It Panders In the Worst Way
    Between the white chick in the Daisy Dukes, the sneaker called "Gimme Mucho Dinero," and the African-American girl with the gold knuckle duster ring, I just can't even.

    (Photo Credit: DaddysMoney.com)
  • 3. ZOMG, This Sneaker Has a 2-Inch Heel 3 of 10
    3. ZOMG, This Sneaker Has a 2-Inch Heel
    Unless you're RuPaul, you do not need a sneaker with a wedge heel. Is your daughter RuPaul? If yes, that's cool. Work it! If not, just say no.

    In case you're wondering, high heels for growing feet are a really bad idea. In a 2011 article in The Huffington Post, foot surgeon Neal Blitz wrote, "from a medical point of view, there is a specific concern with young girls wearing high heels and pointy-toed shoes because their bones are more malleable and can be structurally deformed as they grow. Simply put, bone growth occurs from a cartilaginous precursor that becomes calcified and hardened. The softer growing bone can be deformed and misshapen by external forces (such as high heels). This is the physiology behind the Chinese foot binding."

    (Photo Credit: DaddysMoney.com)
  • 4. From a Business Perspective, Skechers Has Officially Jumped the Shark 4 of 10
    4. From a Business Perspective, Skechers Has Officially Jumped the Shark
    Skechers' stock is down from a high in mid-2010. I can only imagine how their corporate meetings are going.

    White Guy In Suit: "We need to sell more sneakers. Let's take every horrible trend in shoes and slap them together into one hot mess, and aim it at tweens!"

    White Guy in Suit #2: Great idea! Can we also pander to a stereotype of urban America?"

    White Guy in Suit: "Sure! Plus let's throw in a bunch of acronyms like 'BFFs' and 'LOL'!"

    White Guy in a Suit #2: "I love manipulating kids."

    Dude at Head of Table Who May or May Not Be Emperor Palpatine: "Make it so."

    (Image/Data: Google Finance)
  • 5. This Model Is Called ‘Ch-Ching’ 5 of 10
    5. This Model Is Called 'Ch-Ching'
    The ch-ching you're hearing is the sound of paying about 80 bucks for pleather high-tops.

    (You can purchase this pleather nightmare from shoes.com for the perfectly reasonable price of $79.99.)
  • 6. This Model Is Called ‘Gimme’ 6 of 10
    6. This Model Is Called 'Gimme'
    Because that's totally something you love hearing from your kid.

    (Photo Credit: DaddysMoney.com)
  • 7. This Model Is Called ‘Gimme Kisses’ 7 of 10
    7. This Model Is Called 'Gimme Kisses'
    Ironically, I can't imagine something my husband would be less likely to give our daughters money for.

    Other models are called "Gimme Much Dinero," "Gimme After Party," and "Gimme Mega Bucks."

    I want to throat-punch whoever named these shoes.

    (You can purchase this fine piece of craftsmanship (made in either China, Mexico, Brazil, or Romania, which are all totally known for excellent worker conditions) from shoes.com for the perfectly reasonable price of $79.99.)
  • 8. The Entire Marketing Campaign 8 of 10
    8. The Entire Marketing Campaign
    From the song lyrics, which include such poetry as "I'm a Daddy's girl" and "I got swag, baby, swag," to the crappy 1980s-style graphics, this entire campaign is giving me an aneurysm. What are we keeping a secret, exactly? Is it that Dad's not supposed to know that these are actually high heels? Is it that you're not actually this tall? That you're only pretending to love Daddy for his money? That you lost the rest of your pants?

    Creepiness level: one million.

    (Photo Credit: DaddysMoney.com)
  • 9. Everything About the Daddy’$ Website 9 of 10
    9. Everything About the Daddy'$ Website
    OMG SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

    Sprinkle in words like "besties" and "Polyvore," and your product is sure to be a hit, right? It's marketing genius!

    (Screencap: Daddy'$ Blog. You should probably turn the sound off on your computer before you click over there though. Because every time you click on something on their site, YOU WILL HEAR A CASH REGISTER SOUND and it will travel down your spine and cause you to have rage blackouts. Don't say I didn't warn you.)
  • 10. This Exact Moment of the Commercial 10 of 10
    10. This Exact Moment of the Commercial
    What the actual hell is this? It's is the exact moment when my brain exploded.

    (Photo Credit: DaddysMoney.com)

Thanks again to Rants from Mommyland for their original post about these shoes. By the way, RFML is currently in the running for Blog Most Likely to Make You Laugh, an honor from Parents Magazine. You can vote for them here!

Read more from Joslyn on Babble and at her blog, stark. raving. mad. mommy. You can also follow Joslyn on FacebookTwitter, and Pinterest.

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